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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want ds, 9, to attend the sex education lessons at school?

306 replies

fircone · 01/07/2008 14:00

It's just that he is only a little boy. He is the youngest in the year and is completely un-streetwise. His friends' mothers are unhappy about these lessons too.

I'm not Victoria Gillick (remember her, anyone?) and I would be happy for information to be provided at the end of Year 6 before they move up to secondary school, but I strongly feel that at nine years old this is going to be all too much.

I know that there is the brigade who insist that children must be aware of everything from the earliest age, but I am happy for children to stay children for as long as possible.

OP posts:
duchesse · 06/07/2008 21:54

Sorry forgot to say that the teacher talking to them about periods was their science teacher, who is in the school only 1/2 day a week, and did not realise that my daughter was only 10. Age is not a prime consideration in any activity in the school.

Foreverlurking · 07/04/2015 11:10

I am a primary school teacher, and imo it needs to be an ongoing conversation. There is no 'loss of innocence' if they have a balanced, healthy view. Primary school is mostly about mechanics and puberty and relationships. If they don't know the basics at that age, how can there be ground for deeper discussions around consent, pleasure, safety, etc?

Too many girls and boys thinking that it's normal for it to hurt, getting info from porn and peers, taking in myths. I was taught nothing at (Catholic) school and I sincerely wish I had been.

123Jump · 07/04/2015 11:13

Eh, Forever, I think these kids will know all about it by now, they'll be 16!! Grin
Didn't you see the date?!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 07/04/2015 11:46

I get you've got reasons but it's something they've all got to know about And at 9 another 2-3 years he'll be at big school, may seem a life time Away at the moment but it'll fly by.
Also you could be setting him up for being teAsed and not only that he'll pick up from the other kids at play time, because they're bound to talking about it and giggling. You can't sheild him from that.
Also possibly me and my deep thinking now but if you take him out of a sex ed clAss. It could mAke him think sex is taboo rude and dirty. I'm sure you don't want that.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 07/04/2015 11:48

Zombie thread.

meglet · 07/04/2015 11:48

zombie thread!!!

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 07/04/2015 12:01

How do people miss the big zombie thread warning? Confused

WorraLiberty · 07/04/2015 12:04

For god sake the child in the OP is now sixteen years old! Confused

Gruntfuttock · 07/04/2015 12:11

Foreverlurking How did you find a thread from 2008 and why on earth did you decide to resurrect it? Confused

Vickisuli · 07/04/2015 18:08

Haven't read all replies but my thoughts are:
a) find out what they are going to be told rather than assuming they are going to be given tips on sexual technique. Our school allowed parents to view the sex ed video the children were going to watch beforehand if you wanted to.
b) I have talked to my kids about sex and body changes in an age-appropriate way from pre-school. There is no need for 'the big talk' it should be something that they gradually learn more about, like most things in life. Age 9 (even youngest in year) is late to not know anything and as others have said he has probably already been given lots of misinformation from other kids by now. Tell him the truth yourself.
c) Masterbation is the safest form of sex, and vital for kids to get to know their own bodies, before deciding to share them with others. I'm slightly disturbed that you don't want your 9 year old to know about it!

The most damaging thing in my opinion is to give kids the idea that sex or masterbation is wrong, dirty, something to be ashamed of. That just means they will never ever talk to you about it, and then you won't know if they are being abused, or are considering a potentially unsafe sexual relationship. I know because when I was 16 I told my mum I was thinking of having sex and she took me to get put on the pill. My boyfriend of the same age was terrified of his very strict parents and never told them. As a parent I would much rather know, and be able to offer advice.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 07/04/2015 18:45

Vickisuli check the date of the OP. The OP's son will be 16 now.

usualsuspect333 · 07/04/2015 18:52

I hope the OPs DS has had some sex ed by now Grin

Skiptonlass · 07/04/2015 18:53

Fircone: one other thing to think about is the ..not sure what the word is...baggage? Associations ? That we adults have about sex. You and I know that sex can be great, but also its intimately tied up in the world of very adult relationships.

But little kids don't really have that - they are curious about things - their bodies, where babies come from etc, but they don't yet have the emotional set of responses that adult would have.

So when we hear 'sex' you and I think of all sorts of things, but kids are operating on a different level entirely, largely devoid of that baggage, and the possible negativity that comes with it. To kids it's just curiosity, and that's really natural.

I think I'll start with mine right from the start, in a very age appropriate way. My friend's three year old asked last week where the baby in my tummy came from, and her mum gave her a very nonchalant, "Mr. Skip put it there..blah blah..and when it's ready and grown it'll come out through another hole between her legs. Yes you've got one...no you don't pee through it, you won't use it till you're much older..etc etc.." To which kiddo just went, ok and then returned to mashing up playdoh with me.

I'm all for sex ed! Done well, it's a great thing :)

usualsuspect333 · 07/04/2015 18:57

RTFZT.

sashh · 07/04/2015 19:24

Yes but my point is that every 10 yr old is utterly different. There is no chance of my daughter starting her periods at 10 as she turns 11 in a few weeks and has no breast development yet.

Things don't always go in that order

Foreverlurking · 08/04/2015 10:24

Shock I'm new at this :p sorry!

Viviennemary · 08/04/2015 10:30

Even I think that nine is old enough for sex education classes. You should let him attend.

Lara2 · 08/04/2015 12:30

Good grief, this reminds me of when DS2 was about 12. He has Asperger's and is incredibly matter of fact. I was driving him to school when literally out of the blue he said: "So, the clitoris is for females to get stimulated and have an orgasm. How does that work then?" I nearly crashed the bloody car and managed to defer the answer to after school! Grin

Lara2 · 08/04/2015 12:31

Oh shit - I missed the zombie thread warning too! Blush

Sparklingbrook · 08/04/2015 12:50

You must do an AS to resurrect a thread from 2008 surely? Whatever were you looking for Forever?

I would love the Op to come back and tell us how it's going though....

MrsFlannel · 08/04/2015 12:59

My Dd learned about periods when the neighbours dog had hers all over the sofa. It was a perfect opportunity and DD was very relieved the dog wasn't injured!

MrsFlannel · 08/04/2015 12:59

Forgot to say...Dd was 6. She's got a good grasp of it all now at 7 and I am so relieved.

differentnameforthis · 08/04/2015 13:20

Well..my daughter is still a child (at 11) in all senses of the word & we have been talking about sex since she was 8. It is possible to do it in an age appropriate way, while retaining their innocence.

That said, it is completely up to you what your son is involved in, but you do need to consider that he should hear it for himself & not have it twisted into Chinese whispers in the playground.

iklboo · 08/04/2015 13:23

This thread is old enough to be taking sex ed classes now.

Sparklingbrook · 08/04/2015 13:24

I definitely think the zombie thread warning should last longer.

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