AIBU to be hurt about the school PTA taking the piss out of me?

[CalamityHen]

I joined the PTA at my DC's school at the start of term and have been trying to get stuck in and help out where I can.

I've just found out from another PTA member that some of the others have apparently been making fun of me behind my back for being too keen and a try hard. She showed me a message from a group chat where they've nicknamed me Penelope Pitstop because apparently I never have a hair out of place (this is actually quite funny in itself because it categorically isn't true. The only reason they probably think this is that the days I do school drop-off are also the days I go into the office, so they see me looking reasonably presentable. They don't see my usual scruffy self the rest of the time. And, for the record, some of them are considerably more glam and polished than I am).

But that's beside the point really. I'm genuinely quite hurt by it and now I don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I should ignore it, carry on as normal and hope they eventually get over whatever their issue is. Part of me thinks I should quietly step back and leave them to it. And part of me thinks I should say something, although I absolutely hate confrontation and would rather avoid an awkward atmosphere at school if possible.

I also don't know whether knowing about it will make every PTA meeting feel horribly awkward now, even if I pretend I haven't seen the messages.

So, WWYD? Would you carry on regardless, quietly quit, or address it with them?

Thank you for making me laugh, feel loads better.

totally get the people saying it's not an insult to be compared to Penelope pitstop and I've actually never watched the show so I thought maybe she was prissy but that doesn't seem to be the case? But even if not in the context where they've said I'm a try hard and too keen it feels like it's meant to be demeaning rather than a compliment.

I am wary of the one who showed me, I dont know her well enough to know if she was trying to start something or not.

still haven't decided what to do! I'm going to see how I feel in a few days. I might take a step back for now and see if it's any better in a few months, can just say work is really busy at the moment.

OMG this is me and my husband! We made a gentle suggestion that the sweets at the school fairs could be the less artificial ones rather than the ones that carry health warnings due to the E numbers in them. Hardly controversial, but most of the others PTA parents took great exception to this.

From memory she is very glam and has an adorable personality so I wouldn't take it too badly. Seems off of the mum who showed you the message to do that. Of course it makes you feel a bit awkward. Don't sweat it too much. Get stuck in, be yourself, and if it is a hornets nest of bitchiness you can try something else.

OP have you ever watched 8 mile with eminimen (SPOILER ALERT) where he wins the rap battle by basically saying so what about everything that his opponent was going to say to embarrass him. I have explained that really badly but I do recommend the film.

but in essence nothing they have said about you is bad. You look great and you are enthusiastic, own it. Change your profile pic to Penelope Pitt stop, ask them if they want style advice, and keep being you.

I’ve seen this play out. New, super keen parent comes along and seems to have endless energy and ambition. The more jaded parents roll their eyes a little because they’ve been around a bit and know the realities of trying to get things done in a school. Yet, schools need these new injections of energy. It was very unkind of the parent who told you though. I love the idea of changing your profile photo. I’d do that and nothing else.

Pre menopause I would probably have left. Now I would find a way to raise it in a jokey way during a meeting, particularly if there were ‘important’ guests there who they wouldn’t like to appear in a bad light in front of, and take great pleasure at seeing their necks go blotchy and faces turn scarlet while they sit there not able to respond.

You’ll probably find they suddenly become extra friendly as they try to convince you it wasn’t them, while side eyeing the rest of the group to work out who told you. I’ve done exactly that and then carried on as normal while they all squirmed. It was a lot of fun 😂

I agree with those who have said the one who told you is shit stirring. Keep your immaculately coiffured head held high and keep up the good work 😊

If you joined the PTA to make school mum friends then quit. If you joined for another reason just ignore them and continue as you are. They clearly dont have much going on in their lives or much to talk about. Maybe wait a few weeks then throw a comment in and watch them squirm.

This.

I think they are a collective lesbian lobby and are drooling over you

This is so unkind and it’s the bloomin adults 😡😡

Firstly, the person who told you. Is this a just met/ new friend or someone who genuinely knows and cares for you?
Telling you this is cruel in itself UNLESS she is a genuine friend who is too scared to say something when this is all going on.

IMO a true friend would stand up for you.

Why are you not in the group message she showed you? Surely they only need 1 pta group?

If you have the balls I would say at the next meeting ‘before we start can you all tell me about these messages….’

However you may have years at the school and you may want to keep quiet.

B*tches they are. I hope it’s not knocked your confidence- they are probably jealous of you.

Part of mr thinks the PTA person who told you this is a big stirrer who should be ignored. I’d carry on as before and just make sure you’re not treading on anyone’s toes

I love this! Put them in their place op .

I can only say what I would do.

And that’s double down with relish!

These rather pathetic and insecure women are threatened by you and are resorting to childish name calling to make themselves feel better! This would definitely make me feel the bigger and more mature person and I would start to enjoy myself by continuing to be busy and efficient and organised while secretly knowing and enjoying that I am showing them up, and care not one jot about them!

I would also enjoy that the woman who showed you the text (who is a shit stirrer and not your friend btw) KNOWS that you know, and also clearly knows that you don’t give a single shit!

That’s a hell of a powerful position to be in and I would enjoy it tbh!

I would get busy with other things and step all the way back. Fuck that.

I would quit the PTA and let them pick up the slack.

I can’t believe women like this- carrying on like they’re in the playground themselves when they must be middle aged. Pathetic.

Think no more of it; it reflects poorly on them, not you, but I wouldn’t be lifting a finger to help them again.

@CalamityHen firstly I would absolutely love if people thought I never had a hair out of place. I’d lap that up!

Being too keen and a try hard though isn’t great. Just try to go with the flow a bit. Match their energy.

Don’t quit. They’ll like you eventually they just don’t want you giving them more work to do.

If she was she would have stopped them.

I feel you’re overthinking this

Just disengage from those individuals and be your attentive self to everyone else. Give this group the bare minimum acknowledgement, don’t be helpful, don’t get stuck in, don’t act keen with them etc.

It is basic social skills to understand who you need be full on with and who you don’t need to be full on with and adapt as appropriate. Whether it’s justified or not, this is not a budding friendship so there’s no harm in distancing yourself from a poor connection.

Do this 👍

Bullying thrives on secrecy... Treat it as a joke and it makes them look unpleasant...

Why should OP care what they think and spend time trying to get them to like her "eventually"? They aren't nice.

Also, despite all the paperwork and power struggles, PTAs are pretty inconsequential in the general scheme of things. When ours had to pause events due to having no Chair (it's a legal requirement), the sky didn't fall in. The school ran a fundraising event itself during the school day.