AIBU to be hurt about the school PTA taking the piss out of me?

[CalamityHen]

I joined the PTA at my DC's school at the start of term and have been trying to get stuck in and help out where I can.

I've just found out from another PTA member that some of the others have apparently been making fun of me behind my back for being too keen and a try hard. She showed me a message from a group chat where they've nicknamed me Penelope Pitstop because apparently I never have a hair out of place (this is actually quite funny in itself because it categorically isn't true. The only reason they probably think this is that the days I do school drop-off are also the days I go into the office, so they see me looking reasonably presentable. They don't see my usual scruffy self the rest of the time. And, for the record, some of them are considerably more glam and polished than I am).

But that's beside the point really. I'm genuinely quite hurt by it and now I don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I should ignore it, carry on as normal and hope they eventually get over whatever their issue is. Part of me thinks I should quietly step back and leave them to it. And part of me thinks I should say something, although I absolutely hate confrontation and would rather avoid an awkward atmosphere at school if possible.

I also don't know whether knowing about it will make every PTA meeting feel horribly awkward now, even if I pretend I haven't seen the messages.

So, WWYD? Would you carry on regardless, quietly quit, or address it with them?

I would address it openly in a meeting - bullying isn’t okay whether it’s to adults or children - what hope is there for their kids??

I was going to suggest laughing like Muttley

I'd lean into too. You sound very nice and positive.

Compliment. Embrace it. Imagine not caring about doing a great job? How embarrassing would that be. It's tough being competent and women especially are dragged for it. Don't ignore it, process it and decide you're fine with it.

Fuck that. I'd leave without a second thought, I wouldn't even bother resigning, I'd just stop going. You're constantly going to be worrying and second guessing if you stay.

Next meeting when they're asking for volunteers to cover specific tasks I would say 'I'd offer but don't want to look like a try hard, Sharon, I think it was you who mentioned that or was yours the Penelope Pitstop comment?'

Don’t resign - it’s one or two bitches. They are literally irrelevant. Actively recruit more mums - drown out their negativity and make it clear you know but don’t give a shit - ha if it’s not too keen or too Penelope I will do … Be supremely unbothered and better. People can only bully you if you let them. Remove the drama, show the idiocy of their unkindness and move on. pta and or governors keeps you at the heart of things and both roles change dramatically depending on who is involved.

Don’t leave. They just feel threatened by you. If anything it’s a compliment.

I wouldn't waste time making clever comments or try to kill them with kindness. Fuck that - you've tried to join in and they have mocked you. Trying to stay in a group that makes fun of you is hellish, even if it is "for the good of the kids".

The only thing I would do would turn up to the next meeting, say you can no longer be part of the PTA and leave. Fuck them. Nobody is going to die because ypu have left the PTA. If anyone asks just tell them the truth - you tried to be a team player and someone made you aware of the nickname and criticisms so why stay in a group that is unwelcoming of volunteers.

There won't be any awkwardness from your part, you will just be aware of who and who is not worth your time.

.....just to add.... i bet these mums have kids in older classes so will probably be gone before long. I wouldnt let it stop me. I enjoyed my PTA years.

if someone is rude or insulting, it’s them with the problem. OP, you wrote a whole paragraph explaining to a bunch of strangers on MN why you’re not neat and glam like they think. You can be as scruffy or pristine as you like you know!

I don’t think you should cancel them I think you should rise above.

Buy a t-shirt or sweatshirt with Penelope Pitstop on it and own it ! Just watch the jaws drop as they wont know in theory what you know (they will squirm) !! 😜

Interesting... I'm getting Legally Blonde vibes 😂Sounds like you're fabulous, and they feel threatened by you!

It comes down to what YOU want really. If you want to be part of the PTA and hold the role, I'd personally go the other way and kill them with kindness 😉
Lean into it and play with the role a bit. If your 'friend' tries to show you more of the chat stuff, a breezy "Oh, that's okay, I'd rather not know! Thank you though (head tilt, arm rub, big bright smile). Anyway, what's been going on with......." and change the subject.

In my experience, being the composed, helpful and intelligent adult that you already are is quite effective, and it's nice for you because you get to stay positive and do what you enjoy.

The likelihood is that they may actually try to match your energy eventually!

Bitching that you are
a) too put together
b) too keen
Pleeeease this stinks of jealousy/someone feeling inadequate... Those are very desirable traits!

Please don't resign! You want to be involved and the school will be in your lives for many years. Stay and quietly do the job. You will find/recruit allies. As previous poster said it'll be one loudmouth one and the others will be raising their eyebrows glancing at the messages thinking what the hell, but not speaking out.

I know it must feel horrible but you will find your people

Why are a group of school mums referencing Penelope Pitstop?

I am an old gimmer and Penelope Pitstop is from my era. Has she been rebooted?

@CalamityHen do you generally enjoy PTA stuff? I really did so I wouldn’t leave. I would continue the work you do FOR THE SCHOOL. At the next meeting make a comment about being made aware of some bitchy comments made about you, throw shade on the shit-stirrer who told you and watch the rest of them wince; these people never seem to be able to say things to people’s faces.

What is it with PTAs? I don't think ours was bitchy like that, but a few of the long-standing members were unbelievably patronising and controlling. They wanted to hand over the reins and the responsibility, yet also micromanage us and do the bits they felt like doing without telling us.

I would be tempted to walk away and leave them to it. It's what I did and I wasn't the only one. When they're sorting through donated school uniforms and sticking tombola tickets on a pile of baked bean tins, they'll probably sigh ruefully that they miss keen old Penelope Pitstop!

By the way, my friend who left a different PTA, said that in order to keep herself from being sucked back in, she started a new hobby. This meant that she genuinely wasn't available. I thought that was a good tip.

I’d be delighted if someone compared me to Penelope Pitstop !
I think they’re just envious of your glam and energy

i had this at my daughters school :(....seasoned me would now tell the half wits to fuck off...but seriously they dont value you or your time so "politely" back away xx

I’d be driving up in a little pink and orange car with extra lipstick on.

Id stop helping and if they asked why, id tell them.

They are so envious as Penelope was an OG baddie, enjoy the envy and don’t let them dull your sparkle! Keep on shining

Don't let other PTA members make you feel like you can't join, it's supposed to be for all parents.
That being said, my own kids Pta is kind of cliquey, your with them or ignored.
I've tried helping out and then gave up, as efforts were dismissed or taken for granted.

This ^

No problem letting the head know you’ve been made aware of this nickname and don’t appreciate it but don’t let probably one jealous/thinks-shes-funny school mum put you off. Schools are massively reliant on the PTA, think about your children and how they’ll benefit from the fundraising.

Choose what YOU want to do, these women are inconsequential.

OP, you have a long road ahead of you in that school, I wouldn't say anything.
Knowledge is power and you now know they aren't very nice.
The woman who told you is not to be trusted.
Take it as a compliment and fake it with a breezy manner.
They will never be friends, but you can suit yourself.
I would continue to be involved but I certainly wouldn't be putting in any great effort.
Suit yourself.
Some women simply cannot help themselves, they just have to be catty.