AIBU to be hurt about the school PTA taking the piss out of me?

[CalamityHen]

I joined the PTA at my DC's school at the start of term and have been trying to get stuck in and help out where I can.

I've just found out from another PTA member that some of the others have apparently been making fun of me behind my back for being too keen and a try hard. She showed me a message from a group chat where they've nicknamed me Penelope Pitstop because apparently I never have a hair out of place (this is actually quite funny in itself because it categorically isn't true. The only reason they probably think this is that the days I do school drop-off are also the days I go into the office, so they see me looking reasonably presentable. They don't see my usual scruffy self the rest of the time. And, for the record, some of them are considerably more glam and polished than I am).

But that's beside the point really. I'm genuinely quite hurt by it and now I don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I should ignore it, carry on as normal and hope they eventually get over whatever their issue is. Part of me thinks I should quietly step back and leave them to it. And part of me thinks I should say something, although I absolutely hate confrontation and would rather avoid an awkward atmosphere at school if possible.

I also don't know whether knowing about it will make every PTA meeting feel horribly awkward now, even if I pretend I haven't seen the messages.

So, WWYD? Would you carry on regardless, quietly quit, or address it with them?

They’re bullies. With a coward stuck in amongst them, knowing it’s wrong but too afraid to shut it down, no doubt not wanting to get on the wrong side of them.

always feels really icky when you witness adults acting like this! Proper playground stuff

Wait wait

Unless

Do you arrange things and send around demands for money?

Totally lean into this. If you do, you have taken their power away from them. In my experience, showing these petty bullies that you think their petty BS is actually kind of funny, is a great way to piss them off.
Make sure to mention having to make pitstops, followed by tinkly laughs.

Our local schools PTA is on its last legs. Only 9 volunteers to join the committee out of a school population of nearly 600. It’s unlikely the Christmas Fayre or class discos will go ahead. They would lay down the red carpet for you OP.

I’d definitely change your profile picture

I wouldn’t think that nickname was to do with looking perfect. I’d worry it implies that you always need help and you’re a bit useless. I’d be leaving and telling them why - that bullying on a PTA is pathetic.

Unfortunately I think many PTAs in primary school are cliquey. Newcomers aren't really welcome and allocated donkey work. Your main choices are to leave and strop which with the long term aspect of your kids going there may not be best, or like others have said, lean into it gently with a profile picture or little verbal references and hope they realise they need to improve their behaviour.

Exactly I'd what do too. I'd get a few and rotate.

I’d play them at their own game, next pta meeting go and proposed drop Penelope pitstop in conversations, I’d make them feel really akward knowing you know but they don’t know how you know

I had something similar happen. I attended a school parent forum the topic of which was healthy schools. (Perhaps some sort of award the school was going for - I can’t remember exactly now). Anyway lots of discussion items such as allowing kids to bring in sweets on birthdays, the school lunch menu, what’s sold at the tuck shop, and school organised events. Basically all of those were just filled with junk and I made some suggestions about how healthier choices could be offered for snacks at school movie nights (essentially the kids were just being overloaded with sugar at these).

Anyway my husband ended up standing next to the Head of the PTA (who wasn’t at the parent forum) at another event and as I walked past she pointed at me and said to another friend “that’s the woman who wants to shut down the tuck shop”.

So Chinese Whispers and bitching and the outcome was I never attended another parent forum, not offered my time to the PTA. Their loss! I did message the Head of the PTA to tell her I’d heard her bitching about me and that it was untrue. She most definitely did not look like Penelope pit stop and I bet your bitches don’t either.

I’m sorry OP, I know the horrible feeling when you find out people have been talking about you behind your back. I’d quit and leave them to it. How I’d quit depends on whether any of them are mums to kids in your year group or could potentially have younger children in the school the same year group as your younger ones. Might be best to just quit and not let on why if that is the case.

Honestly? Some of the suggestions are amusing but I would mention it to the Chair. I’ve been a PTA Chair and bloody loved all the people who turned up to help out. This is the sort of thing the Chair is for - although dealing with it won’t be a fun job for her or him.

I would wonder

why did this other person show me a message that wasn't for my eyes?

What did they want to achieve by showing me.

Is there a motive for showing me.

Is this just a one off? Why was it in a WhatsApp chat ? thats pretty silly as it can be shown to you.

Why are they behaving like this towards new eager members?

Surely the more enthusiastic members will be helpful? Do they feel threatened?

People who feel threatened behave in mystic ways

Possibly continue to attend but gently take a step back, see how things pan out for the rest of this term, with Christmas coming up it should be a busy time so just see what happens

then in January if the vibe is still off - then back down

Resign. Sign the resignation “Penelope Pitstop”. What a bunch of nastiest. Find somewhere you are appreciated.

I would told them to call me Penelope😂in front of everyone

Change the profile picture, haha brilliant.

My next message would also be.. let me know if you need me to chip in, not wanting to be a try hard or too keen 💁🏼‍♀️🏎

I would absolutely NOT make any Penelope pitstop references in the group. Either the woman who told you has attempted to do you a favour - in which case why draw attention to the fact that she passed on the info as it'll cause her grief. Or she was intentionally shit-stirring, in which case don't give her the satisfaction, just keep your wits about you with all future interactions.

Next time they need help just say, "oh I'd love to but because of my job, I'm really pressed for time at the moment, I've left a donation with the office, and they'll pass it through and send a note to the treasurer". Smile, tinkly laugh, "mustn't be late".

I’d be wary of the person who told you. Either they’re a shit stirrer, or they’re socially inept, but in any case I’d be careful around them.

The rest of it, meh, people talk and are entitled to. It’s like eavesdropping - you weren’t supposed to hear it. Give yourself grace to feel like shit about it for a little while but then dust yourself off. It’s not the worst thing you could be called. Try imagining it being said in an affectionate, or grudgingly admiring tone of voice rather than either the bitchiness you’ve probably been imagining.

Frankly it sounds like the pta needs you! Chin up!

I think this is being blown out of all proportion. Penelope Pitstop is hardly an insult.

Personally I would get hold of that message. Then I would print it off, then had in a letter if resignation to every member saying you are not prepared to be part of a committee that believes in piss taking and bullying

Mum groups and PTAs can be vile places. I have very little to do with the group at our school for this reason. You don’t need to take it on the chin or try and make a joke of it. I’d just let them know you’re standing down due their bitching and you’ll volunteer somewhere you’ll be more appreciated. Fuck them.

Yes are we sure it isn’t a compliment?!

You did what? Unreal.

Absolutely this. That person did not need to share some mindless, thoughtless comments someone else made. I would continue exactly as you are. PTAs need enthusiastic people.

I think you should go in the group chat and type Haaaayeeeellllpp!