Mother of groom wearing cream?

[Waasitwroong]

I went wedding dress shopping on Saturday and took my mum, my partner's mum and a bridesmaid.

We chose the dress and then partner's mum declared she would be wearing cream to the wedding.

I feel taken aback that she'd do this and upon reflection now feel that I need to change my own dress choice to something that makes more of a statement, compared to the more understated and timeless dress I have chosen.

AIBU?
No - wearing cream to someone else's wedding is inappropriate.
Yes - get over it.

I can remember I wore blue to my son and Dil’s wedding 21 years ago. Since posting earlier I’ve been trying to recall what my daughter in law’s mum wore and it’s just come to me . She wore cream! 😆

We had a wonderful time and we were all too busy enjoying the day and dancing to the ceili band to be remotely bothered by what colour anyone else was wearing.

Don't change your dress, op.
Everyone knows that white/cream as a wedding guest is not appropriate, unless specifically requested.
As pps have said, she will look ridiculous.
Enjoy your day!
(Someone wore white to my wedding btw. I didn't notice until I saw the photos. It was a total non issue for me, so if, as I strongly suspect, she wanted to annoy me, it didn't work and she got a lot of funny looks apparently 😄)

It wasn’t the done thing back then and bad etiquette. Loads of people were gossiping about her. Of course they didn’t think she was the bride, they just thought she was rude.

Cream is surely ok. Depends on shade of cream. Id rather that than say bright red.

My cousin, as mog, wore a cream, very elaborate, floor length dress to her son's wedding 😬
She looked pretty ridiculous, tbh as a 60+ lady who, like me, is rather short and now carrying extra midlife weight.
The bride also wore cream.
It felt a bit jarring on the day. ..like she didnt care about her son or new dils feelings at all 🤷‍♀️

^ this.
It's just rude.

It's only ever acceptable if you wear something with it. My grandmother wore a lovely cream dress to my cousins' wedding but accessorised it with a turquoise shrug and fascinator. She looked lovely and not out of place at all. Maybe this MOG is planning to do something like that?

I don't know the woman in question, but plenty of MILs do wear white/cream as a dig at their daughter in law. Plenty of people on here saying it doesn't matter, ignoring the fact that for many, many people, including the OP, it really does matter. Whether you like it or not, wearing white or cream to a wedding has long been seen as rude and for lots of people, continues to be so. The fact that YOU don't find it rude, doesn't change that. There are literally so many other colours, why would someone risk upsetting the bride?

I don't understand why some people care so much about what other people wear to weddings. Cream sounds lovely for mother of the groom if the colour suits her. I couldn't care less what other people wore to my wedding. Someone could wear a white bridal dress if they wanted. It really does not matter.

I agree. I remember it was a thing in the 1980s and it still is. Maybe it’s different if it’s your wedding and you don’t mind but if you’re MOG or MOB it’s only good manners to check first.

I’m in my 60s and no way would be mistaken for the bride but I’d still not wear white, cream or ivory because the bride should stand out in the room and all the photos.

It’s inappropriate but it makes her look bad not you. Do not comment. Do not change your outfit. People at your wedding will make their own conclusions….. and she won’t come off well!

The last wedding I went to, the MoB was in cream.

It was a short, fitted linen dress with a jacket that would also have been entirely appropriate in an office. Smart, elegant and in no way looking like a wedding dress. She looked very nice.

My own mum wore a cream outfit to my wedding. It didn't even occur to me that this was wrong! She certainly didn't do it to be a dick. She just liked the outfit.

I think there's also cream and cream. If you know what I mean? I wore a cream suit to a wedding once. With a maroon silk top and the cream was on the yellow side of cream.

I think it was probably fine but I admit, in retrospect, I do wish i hadn't.

I always think a wedding is good preparation for married life, it brings out some challenging behaviour and dynamics which you will probably see more generally in your future, including with kids etc.

anyway, my personal approach would be to ask my dh to talk to his mum if it bothers you. If he does and she insists then crack on choosing what you would have chosen with no thought for her and her decisions, as she clearly has none for you.

My MIL wore cream to our wedding.
I don't think anyone mistook her for the bride, no one thought she was doing any upstaging and she didn't particularly stand out on photos. It never crossed my mind that I should be upset (she showed me a photo of the outfit in advance) at her choice. I didn't think she was being rude or spiteful or trying to ruin my wedding.

However, the fact that OP feels she needs to change her dress in response to a simple statement make me think that this is more about the relationship between her and her future MIL than colours of outfits.

What are you talking about?? This is the colour white, we’re talking about.
Not dusting the surfaces with anthrax.

I doubt she will look bride like

she probably wont look great in the photos either

My MIL tried to pull this trick. I think weddings can make people go a bit mad. My DH took her aside and said “no way are you doing this, we don’t want you to, and anyway it’s considered very rude.”

Approaching it this way - that it’s a massive social faux pas and people with think she’s rude or a fool or both - will probably stop it.

I would have laughed at her as if she were joking. Are you sure she wasn’t joking?

Your fiancé needs to have a word with her. Explain that it will lead to people talking about her for all the wrong reasons. Surely she won’t want that?

I absolutely remember my friends MIL wearing white to the wedding and they just had their 10th anniversary.

Any guest wearing all white or cream or ivory/whatever should know that there's a debate going on amongst the bride's friends as to who's going to hoof a red wine over it during the evening.

Speaking as someone who would probably be considered an older guest now I can assure you that I’d never heard of this so called rule until comparatively recently, certainly wasn’t a thing when I got married in ye olden days ! My guests just wore what they wanted, I had no input whatsoever. Can’t remember what most of them wore. It was a lovely day.

How very rude. Of course she shouldn’t be wearing white or cream to anyone’s wedding let alone her sons.

stick to your dress though if it’s your dream one.

I have seen so many people discussing what they are wearing, MOB and MOG ensuring that they don't both wear Teal or Orange or whatever.

So why would a MOB or MOG wear the same colour as a.n.other member of the wedding party - the bride?

I am an oldie, and know that this has been a 'thing' since my parents hot married and i have always been aware of it.

My big wedding guest days were 1995-2010 and I never heard of this at the time. Only on mumsnet. The extent to which it’s talked about on here it makes me paranoid about a couple of beige/creamy yellow outfits I wore, until I remember this was literally never mentioned at the time. I think I was aware that you didn’t wear all white.

When I hear all this nitpicking about weddings, it just makes the think that the bride doesn’t much like the person they’re complaining about.