Mother of groom wearing cream?

[Waasitwroong]

I went wedding dress shopping on Saturday and took my mum, my partner's mum and a bridesmaid.

We chose the dress and then partner's mum declared she would be wearing cream to the wedding.

I feel taken aback that she'd do this and upon reflection now feel that I need to change my own dress choice to something that makes more of a statement, compared to the more understated and timeless dress I have chosen.

AIBU?
No - wearing cream to someone else's wedding is inappropriate.
Yes - get over it.

Me too caused a proper stir in the press. RW in a bandage dress.

That says a lot really

Inappropriate, usually done by people who are trying to make the wedding about them.

It’s not about ‘mistaking her for the bride’, it’s that at a wedding the bride stands out as the only person in white / cream.
Which is v noticeable in photos

Like at an Indian wedding the only red in the room is the bride.

‘Understated and timeless’ sounds perfect. Why do you feel you need to make a statement? (And what statement do you want to make?).

It’s not a competition.

I'd get your partner to talk to their mum and tell her that, no, she is NOT wearing cream to the wedding. Unless she's very thick, it's provocative and best and a deliberate insult at worst.

My wedding was back in the olden days of the 1970’s . My lovely Mum wore a cream dress and jacket outfit. She was a wonderful Mum and a quiet unassuming woman who wasn’t used to dressing for special occasions. I helped her choose a nice outfit she felt comfortable to wear. Not for a millisecond did I entertain the idea her cream outfit would clash with my white dress. I honestly don’t see a problem here.

Depends on what style she's wanting to wear. A tailored suit type or knee length dress and jacket is passable.
If she's looking at a floor length slip dress a different story I would have thought.
Any links to what she wants op, please tell us she didn't find it on the wedding dress rails.

Your future Mil isn't going to "outshine you" if anything she might look a bit silly.
did you see her dress ask to see it i am sure it isn't going to look remotely bridal. Choose the dress you want.

My mil wore a cream suit to our wedding, she looked lovely.
I wore a cream dress and coat to dd's wedding.
I do think that older people are never going to be mistaken for a young bride and honestly can't understand the fuss.

Don't be ridiculous.
Unless it's a bridal type dress it's certainly not provocative.

Completely inappropriate of her.
But don't worry, the bride always stands out. You will look lovely. Have a fantastic wedding!

I couldn't tell you what any of my friend's mils wore as they were all normally dressed but I could tell you about my friend's cousin who wore a long, white, lace dress to her wedding. People remember when someone shows up dressed as if they were the bride!

Ah now a long white lace dress - totally get remembering that!

But a cream suit?- nope, completely forgettable

I wonder when it became a thing that it was a complete no no to wear white/cream to a wedding unless you’re the bride. My adult children were married 20 odd years ago and I don’t remember it being an edict then. Or were they maybe waiting to pounce if I said I wanted to wear cream 😆

I cannot imagine why you’d care what anyone else wore to your wedding? As a host, you should want your guests to be happy and comfortable and wear whatever they fancy.

Don’t change your own dress.

If anyone pays any attention to her dress, they’ll be thinking she’s one of “those” mothers. (Unless it’s really a yellowy cream rather than a pale cream).

It’s nothing to do with being mistaken for the bride. It’s just a social etiquette thing, and ignoring it does say something whether the wearer wants it to or not.

My MIL wore a cream mid calf chiffon dress with long quite billowy sleeves and a large cream picture hat. I didn’t know being passive aggressive existed back then. She also just stood up and made a speech at the wedding, to say she attempted to make it all about her is an understatement. She also told one of DH women friends in front of me at the wedding that she alway thought that the two of them may get together. That woman guest then got so drunk she threw up in the toilets so God knows what was going on there.

So whilst I’m sure for some that white or cream dress is not malicious in my circumstances I feel it was.

This ^^

I have no idea why any MOB or MOG ever does this, it tells the combined family and friends of both families exactly what kind of person they are.

Yep. I couldn't remember what anybody wore for my wedding so I've just looked back at some pics. Turns out a few ladies wore cream-ish coloured dresses. Nobody - including me - gave a shit. So I reckon this is just yet another mental 'rule' that people who like a good froth have invented so they can get worked up over nothing.

Tell your MIL to choose a different colour - not cream or white or ivory. Tell her she’ll be told to leave if she wears this colour. She sounds like the type of mum who is too enmeshed with her son and wants this to be her day to share with her son. Gross.

It's not about looking like the bride it's just damn rude for anyone other than the bride to wear white or cream.

Then why?

I can understand not wanting anyone to wear a floor length white lace dress but why is a cream suit “rude”?

Wear the dress you have chosen. Don't change your dress for her.

It is very rude of her to choose cream without checking first. Older guests will comment on it - negatively about her NOT you.

Get DP to have a word with her if you do not want her wearing cream. Then when you are married make sure he deals with his family and sorts things with them.

My own MIL wanted to wear a sundress with low plunge front (like you might wear on a beach holiday) to our wedding. DH told her no, BIL also told her no, she wouldn't listen. So DH told her that maybe she should run the outfit by Nana and Great Aunt Eva when they went shopping for wedding clothes (they were all going together, MIL had seen the dress in Next the week before they were going). Nana and Great Aunt Eva (who is a true battleaxe and staunch follower of tradition) were horrified and pretty much shut the whole sundress and dresses with plunge front ideas down. MIL ended up in something much more suitable and not white or cream or wildly inappropriate. Thank the Lord for Great Aunt Eva and Nana.

Indeed, if she turned up looking like Jadis the White Witch of Narnia with a twenty foot train then fair enough - she's making it about her. But a cream suit-type thing? Absolutely fine, I don't get why you'd care.