Page 9 | Is autism being used as an excuse for behaviour?

abracadabra1111 · 2026-10-11T22:31:20+00:00

Child age 5 (not mine) - In school spun around with metal water bottle (like one of those Stanley cup things) which resulted in him wacking two other kids in the head with it. Child then cried about it because he was scared he’d get in trouble. Childs mother said ‘it’s ok because he’s autistic and can’t help it and thank god we paid privately for the diagnosis so that the school understand his autism’ No punishment or correction to behaviour given. YABU - Getting carried away at school and ‘accidentally’ wacking two kids is completely acceptable in a 5 year old autistic boy YNBU - to be mortified that there’s zero compassion towards the two poor sods wacked by the bottle and think that autism is being used as an excuse.

IncompleteSenten · Yesterday 18:52

CanterThroughChaos · Yesterday 12:57

Yes to that 🙌 and in theory you should absolutely be correct. But the assessment as I have seen it is a session of observation at the educational setting (around 3/4 hours) followed by a 30 minute meeting with the staff and parents. So the outcome completely depends on how the child is feeling or the activities of that particular session. In my opinion it’s not enough to have a rounded picture of the child’s needs. Also the person carrying out the assessment doesn’t need to be a fully qualified educational psychologist, they can be an ‘assistant to’ the psychologist, and it doesn’t hurt to bear in mind they are working for and in the interests of the local authority who want to guard their funding.

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Things must have changed a lot in the last 25 years. When mine were being assessed we were referred to a child development centre and it took months. We took them in for so many sessions at the centre, they were observed by different people, they had development assessments, sessions designed to assess intelligence, they had someone observe them at nursery, they had a home visiting specialist come in to see them at home and it took several months of that to get a diagnosis. They then got their little arrow on a sliding scale from this kid is fine to holy shit.
My eldest was dx at 2 and a half and my youngest at 3 and it was a long process over many months involving several professionals observing and interacting with them in several different settings, plus meetings (plural) with me and my husband.

Granville82 · Yesterday 18:54

Yes, this is suicidal empathy. It'll be the ruin of us, because being the perpetrator becomes a safer position than the victim.

Whatafustercluck · Yesterday 18:57

Getting back to the op, it's quite feasible that a 5yo autistic child might spin around in a circle (stimming, sensory seeking) with a water bottle in their hand and inadvertently hit two other children with it, with no malice intended whatsoever. In fact, any child that age can be clumsy and unthinking. Punishment is unnecessary in that situation, but replacement of the water bottle with something lighter would be a good idea, and perhaps involving the child in helping the others with their injuries.

Original poster

abracadabra1111 · Yesterday 19:04

wizzywig · Yesterday 17:48

Op you have a problem with a person receiving a medical diagnosis that you feel they do not deserve. So you should report the doctor so thaf their work gets reassessed. And take it to the media too.

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I don’t want to do this. Have you read through my updates and intention of this thread? I want to understand and get others perspectives of this situation so I can ascertain whether I am conflating shit parenting with autism. I have no interest in reporting a misdiagnosis. Does that clear things up for you?

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abracadabra1111 · Yesterday 19:06

Whatafustercluck · Yesterday 18:57

Getting back to the op, it's quite feasible that a 5yo autistic child might spin around in a circle (stimming, sensory seeking) with a water bottle in their hand and inadvertently hit two other children with it, with no malice intended whatsoever. In fact, any child that age can be clumsy and unthinking. Punishment is unnecessary in that situation, but replacement of the water bottle with something lighter would be a good idea, and perhaps involving the child in helping the others with their injuries.

Quite agree that any child can do this which is why I was a bit baffled when I was told he only did this because he’s autistic therefore no correction needed for his behaviour (or bottle replacement).

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abracadabra1111 · Yesterday 19:10

TotaleclipseinFrance · Yesterday 17:16

This may sound harsh but while excuses are made for autistic children's behaviour (as they are indeed just children), nobody much cares for bad behaviour in adults - even IF they genuinely have autism.
That's not how the world works.

Yes, yes there is absolutely sympathy (though sometimes not even that) with more - apologies for the word but I don't know how to else put it-more severe and obvious adult people with autism but beyond that, no I'm afraid not.

Bluntly put, once this boy grows up and he misbehaves and he is not obviously autistic nobody will give a shiny shit as to why he's behaving like he is.
That's the real world.

He can't go around attacking people and expect to get away scot free.

Somebody will retaliate even if only in self-defence.

Your relative is doing him no favours whatsoever and frankly it does sound like Munchausen's Syndrome by proxy.

She sounds f*ing dreadful and a piss poor parent.

The only thing I disagree with is that I doubt they're doing it for extra benefits.

I agree with this. The mother has always been an attention seeker, everything is catastrophised and she really cannot bare it if the attention is not on her. I feel sorry for her child - like I say, the child is not like this around his dad. He is well behaved and his dad sets healthy boundaries whilst teaching him to be independent. It’s the complete opposite when child is with mum….

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DeflectionAndWhataboutery · Yesterday 19:14

SometimesthingsMatter · Yesterday 12:09

I think afew years ago, there was a debate demonstrating that several private telehealth clinics issued ADHD diagnoses after brief virtual screenings that skipped standard informant interviews and medical checks. While neurodiversity advocacy groups noted that many private providers maintain rigorous clinical standards, the investigation highlighted that inadequate private assessments carry a materially higher risk of false positives.

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The NHS is using clinics via right to choose which have been set up to take advantage of RtC, diagnosis mills who are 'efficient'. It's been a gravy train for certain savvy investors.

Whatafustercluck · Yesterday 19:15

abracadabra1111 · Yesterday 19:06

Quite agree that any child can do this which is why I was a bit baffled when I was told he only did this because he’s autistic therefore no correction needed for his behaviour (or bottle replacement).

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You put "accidentally" so I assume you don't think it was an accident? That was my point really. What makes you think it was done on purpose?

Original poster

abracadabra1111 · Yesterday 19:16

BluebellBeth · Yesterday 17:28

Me either. It doesn't make sense. If it happened outside school why would school knowing he's autistic matter? If it happened in school, school will have dealt with it.

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I don’t understand why she said this either. Surely all bottle hitting kids will be told that it’s wrong? How would a diagnosis change this. Thinking about it, I think the autism was mentioned because it’s usually mentioned in every sentence. Like Timmy only likes McCain’s chips because of his autism. Timmy can only shop in Smiths Toys because of his autism. Timmy can’t watch x cartoon because of his autism. It’s almost like it’s a default position.

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Original poster

abracadabra1111 · Yesterday 19:17

Whatafustercluck · Yesterday 19:15

You put "accidentally" so I assume you don't think it was an accident? That was my point really. What makes you think it was done on purpose?

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He’s been a serial hitter for years and tried to slam a family members dogs head in a door. I wouldn’t bet my house that it was an accident based on his previous actions.

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roaringdragon · Yesterday 19:53

IncompleteSenten · Yesterday 18:52

Things must have changed a lot in the last 25 years. When mine were being assessed we were referred to a child development centre and it took months. We took them in for so many sessions at the centre, they were observed by different people, they had development assessments, sessions designed to assess intelligence, they had someone observe them at nursery, they had a home visiting specialist come in to see them at home and it took several months of that to get a diagnosis. They then got their little arrow on a sliding scale from this kid is fine to holy shit.
My eldest was dx at 2 and a half and my youngest at 3 and it was a long process over many months involving several professionals observing and interacting with them in several different settings, plus meetings (plural) with me and my husband.

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You are talking about a diagnostic assessment. The pp was talking about the EHCNA - although what that poster describes is an incredibly poor EHCNA.

CanterThroughChaos · Yesterday 20:22

IncompleteSenten · Yesterday 18:52

Things must have changed a lot in the last 25 years. When mine were being assessed we were referred to a child development centre and it took months. We took them in for so many sessions at the centre, they were observed by different people, they had development assessments, sessions designed to assess intelligence, they had someone observe them at nursery, they had a home visiting specialist come in to see them at home and it took several months of that to get a diagnosis. They then got their little arrow on a sliding scale from this kid is fine to holy shit.
My eldest was dx at 2 and a half and my youngest at 3 and it was a long process over many months involving several professionals observing and interacting with them in several different settings, plus meetings (plural) with me and my husband.

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This wasn’t about an ASD assessment, it’s the Educational Psychologist assessment from the local authority once an EHCP has been accepted. It’s not part of an autism assessment.