Is autism being used as an excuse for behaviour?

[abracadabra1111]

Child age 5 (not mine) - In school spun around with metal water bottle (like one of those Stanley cup things) which resulted in him wacking two other kids in the head with it. Child then cried about it because he was scared he’d get in trouble.

Childs mother said ‘it’s ok because he’s autistic and can’t help it and thank god we paid privately for the diagnosis so that the school understand his autism’

No punishment or correction to behaviour given.

YABU - Getting carried away at school and ‘accidentally’ wacking two kids is completely acceptable in a 5 year old autistic boy

YNBU - to be mortified that there’s zero compassion towards the two poor sods wacked by the bottle and think that autism is being used as an excuse.

That should technically be true, and if everyone did what they were supposed to there would be a lot of much better off children out there. However from my experience, without a plethora of evidence the LA will find ways around committing to funding and support. Their most tricky one is using language open to interpretation like ‘should, might, when necessary, as required’ etc, or putting the care needs in the wrong section of the plan to bamboozle parents into accepting it.

I’ve given some examples of th child behaviour and mentioned that I receive daily voice note updates about the child. I can’t control what messages someone sends to me, however the chat is muted because I do have my own life so I listen to the VNs as and when I can.

I am not fixated on the child, I have posted here to get a different perspective.

If you had bothered to read my other updates RE the report. I did not want to read the report. It was sent in a family chat and the mother checked in with everyone persistently to see if we’d read it.

I want to hear others perspectives on this which is why I’ve outlined the communication and given some behavioural examples. I am dammed if I do dammed if I don’t.

Bad parenting is bad parenting. These parents would use anything as an excuse. If the child was not autistic, it would be something else.

Autism is absolutely not a “get out of jail free card.” I appreciate there are levels to autism. Mainstream schools, ideally, should be able to accurately assess if the mainstream school or a specialist school is safe emotionally and physically for the child AND cohort as a whole. With funding however, this often doesn’t happen. That being said, this behaviour doesn’t sound atypical for a five year old.

Typical punishment is often not suitable for autistic children. However, that doesn’t mean sweep the issue under the rug. The goal should be integration into the mainstream community. As I said before, this should consider the autistic child and the other children.

Autism is also such a broad category. I am an autistic female. I work a very professional white collar job, live independently and function perfectly well to outsiders. I have issues and the world is exhausting for me, but my presentation is completely different from a level three autistic adult with co-occurring conditions.

Often what is lacking is support: for the school, the parents, for everyone involved. But please remember that the main victim will always be the autistic child.

Parents don’t have to accept unlawful behaviour. They don’t have to accept inadequate EHCPs. And, again, evidence and diagnosis aren’t the same thing.

Hello. I am not judging, I am asking questions to learn more.

It’s been my experience that the most severely impacted are often the ones who receive wholly inadequate support. It’s well documented and there are multiple reasons, not least the postcode lottery of support services available. I’ve seen families in absolute crisis trying to deal with severely disabled grown children who have repeatedly assaulted them and engaged in violent behaviour to the point where a ‘safe room’ is necessary to keep the rest of the family safe. The more severe the condition, the more limited the options for support become.

An ASD diagnosis report is a strong piece of evidence for an EHCP.

Given this, do you think that the mother may be suffering from some sort of health anxiety connected to the diagnosis ?

Well said.

I didn’t say it wasn’t or that it couldn’t be used as evidence, but an absence of a diagnosis/diagnostic report does not mean there is an absence of evidnece. As I said in a pp, evidence is not the same as diagnosis, and you can have a lot of evidence without having a diagnosis. A diagnosis is not required for an EHCP to be issued.

Yes, someone else has already pointed this out! The school obviously refused to agree with the parents on this.

Like I said in pp, in an ideal world….which is sadly not this one ✌️

And as I said, parents do not have to accept unlawful behaviour.

Although it’s not rare for schools to not think DC are autistic even when DC are diagnosed and all HCPs have agreed the child is autistic.

My daughter has a friend who is just really unkind and a bit of a dick - but it's ok because her parents paid a fortune for all of the diagnoses.

Word 🙌, hopefully there will be more awareness of where they can get support to navigate the system

They aren't autistic. They were not well parented; they were hardly parented at all! I saw it all first hand and my friends saw it at even closer-hand. One of her children ran up to my son and pushed him over onto a concrete pavement once and the mother just laughed.

I am a big believer that all parents should be supported to advocate for their DC and enforce their DC’s rights. That is why I pointed out a diagnosis isn’t required for an EHCP. Too many people believe the unlawful myths that are perpetuated.

IPSEA and SOSSEN and the SENCOP are good places to start to understand the actual rules.

I was meaning in general. Hence the use of the plural for schools.

I was going to say, it doesn't automatically mean schools are correct when they disagree with parents.

I've had a good experience with my son's school and his disability but I know so many parents can't say the same, unfortunately.

Obviously, I am not talking about non verbal children with autism! Is your child in mainstream or a special school?

Most the children with autism, I have come across in mainstream, were verbal!

So this was a typical playground incident that could have involved 3 NT kids, so his autism was probably an irrelevance. The mother should not have dismissed it as she did (either by blaming the accident on the autism, rather than high spirits and being 5, or for using it to dismiss a learning/parenting opportunity). She should have realised - regardless of his autism - that she needed to have a conversation about being careful and aware of others going forward. In her shoes I would also have apologised to the other parents and said ‘I’ll have a word later, hope your kids are okay?’

He was in mainstream school for 2.5 years until he could no longer cope without self harming. He was then out of school for 18 months until he was awarded a specialist placement at tribunal.

ITA should be more additionally resourced units and special schools, especially for children in the normal intelligence range with either autism and/or ADHD and/or developmental language disorders, who cannot cope in mainstream classrooms with the language, sensory overwhelm and speed at which the information is delivered.

IMO, “inclusion” has always mainly been about saving money; and if people are serious about it; it can’t be done on the cheap!

PS - in this case though, it sounds more like an accident than anything.

Depending on the stage of the child’s development, Social Stories are one way of dealing with this kind of thing.