Blamed for converting dh to veganism

[VeganConvert]

Dh decided to become Vegan a few months ago. Not precisely sure why but he had been vegetarian initially then decided may as well cut out dairy, eggs etc too. We just sort of got on with it.

We see ILs a few times a year as they live quite far away , dh speaks to MIL a few times a week where she basically talks at him about her health. Obviously Dh diet was never top of the list of things to discuss!

Anyway, we are meant to see them today and yesterday MIL called me to ‘finalise plans’ tell me their estimated arrival time etc and asked what I’ll be making. I said a roast as everybody likes that , then I just said about what I’d got for dh and she went quiet, then exploded at me that a grown man can’t be expected to survive on that sort of food!!

she accused me of warping his mind to ‘strange views’ and how it’s not good for men or growing children to be Vegan, that its part of my ‘off grid personality’ and she wanted to talk to dh to make sure he was ok ???!! She has acted as if I’m influencing him and withholding food. She spoke to him and he spent ages explaining it was his decision etc etc.

She then wanted to talk to me again and said I should make sure he has a health check up and also the dc.

The thing is - I’m not vegan! Neither are the dc??!! She has assumed this was all because of me ?! I told her this and she then said ‘I’m not convinced - we will see what you all eat tomorrow won’t we !’

AIBU to be confused at her attitude to veganism and also how she thinks that I’m somehow responsible? Why would a non vegan persuade someone else to be vegan ??!!

‘I’m not convinced - we will see what you all eat tomorrow won’t we !’

"Oh no, lady!" You are not entering my house again until you have a long quiet think about your attitude and present me with a sincere apology for your rudeness. How dare you presume to lecture me on your son's choices of diet as though either you - or I, for that matter - were in any way involved in his decisions.'

I'd have then put the phone down. She's uninvited.

"Assuming a woman is responsible for the man's food and dietary choices is just straightforward sexism and appears as much in younger generations as older - if anything it has increased in recent years. I find it profoundly depressing."

To be honest, it might as well be true in our household! I do all the food shopping and cooking. No matter how much I ask my husband what he wants to eat, he’s just happy with whatever I serve. He’s extremely involved in all the housework, but we both much prefer playing with the children or doing other things around the house while I’m cooking.

If I told him, “From now on, we’re going vegan,” he’d probably just say, “Okay, well, as long as the food tastes good!” 😂

I don’t think it’s sexist in our case; it’s just how our busy lifestyle has naturally worked out.

I’d be cancelling.
lol fuck that. Looney.

I’m sorry op but that made me laugh, is she quite elderly?

@VeganConvert

I would suggest that you VERY, very obviously eat as much meat (if you're a meat-eater) and dairy in front of your MIL as possible. She's more or less accused you of lying about not being vegan and having no influence over your husband's choices, so literally rub it in her face how non-vegan you are.

I would make her a roast with vegan "meat" if you can get that?? And not say a word and let her think shes having a proper sunday roast. Im a devil though 👹.

gosh her little boy has been lead astray by the naughty "veganconvert"

I bet she isn't warming his slippers up each night either...

ffs

I think it is more insulting to her son. She clearly doesn't think he is capable of thinking for himself.

Yes, that would be a very short conversation if it was had with me! Why do you think k I’m in charge of what an adult eats? I’d not have been arguing my way out of it or trying to justify it.

How did it go @VeganConvert ? Or are you now too off-grid?

She intensively questioned dh about his reasons for being vegan and asked had I pushed it on him to get him to lose weight ??!! (He’s not even overweight!). FIL to be fair said multiple times to ‘leave it now’ but she just kept asking was it for health or ethical
reasons, why exactly etc etc.

Dh told her it has got nothing to do with me as unlike her I don’t see myself as the food police , that he made his own choice.
She then turned to me and said ‘well it must be more work for you now that’s not really fair is it that he expects you to cater for different needs daily’

She hovered in the kitchen and wanted to look at packets. She asked me was the chicken ‘definitely not a quorn chicken?’ it was literally obviously a chicken. It had bones !!!

She did calm down a bit and the last 2/3 hours was ok. She looked a bit disgusted by dh dessert but just said ‘well if you like it I suppose that’s what matters’

I did ask her what she meant with the off grid comment and she said she sees me as an unconventional personality and that veganism fits my type a lot more than dh, apparently it wasn’t meant as a direct insult but that I should be careful how I come across!

This is hilarious op. Glad you can see the funny side too. Thank you for sharing!

Thank you so much for the update.

It's like a scene from a SitCom

"Dh told her it has got nothing to do with me as unlike her I don’t see myself as the food police" YESSSSSSS, Dh, nice one!

I would love to have been able to hear the conversation between her and FIL on the way home, as he clearly thought she was being bonkers.

I did say to dh it’s worth keeping an eye on things as she hasn’t really ever been like this before , a bit opinionated occasionally but this was not the normal way she acts so maybe it is age related or health related. I did want to laugh when she queried whether the chicken was actually a fake one 😂

The stupid mare! 🙄

Thanks for the update, best of luck with her in future!

She's mad her son has made different dietary choices than her and blames you.

It's about control. She controlled what he ate growing up and now she thinks you do. 😂

Oh come on, it must have been one of those newfangled AI generated 3D printed chickens!

“Off grid personality”?! That is an attack on your personality she has stepped over the line there.

yeah thats mean. she hasn’t salvaged a thing. and pretending to care about you while also calling you a liar. no. summat aint right.

apparently it wasn’t meant as a direct insult but that I should be careful how I come across!

she’s not being kind is she. and it was meant as an insult but you know that. how you come across??? sorry but having that said to me by someone who had behaved like that a hot five minutes ago would have me getting her coat and herding her OUT.

Perhaps, as his wife, the OP might also be aware if this were the case?

Oh my goodness, someone here needs to be more careful how they come across and it’s not you, OP!😂
Well done, sounds like you handled this with grace and good humour. Maybe your MiL finds that unconventional!

I would second this - the butternut sounds delicious but replacing protein with veg or carbs isn't sustainable. A tofu/seitan/tempeh/fake meat is a better stand-in here (or a nut rost if you wanna be old school 😁)

You know her best but it really sounds very odd and possibly disturbing and as you say possibly health related.

Although my father is becoming less filtered as he gets older and in my words to DH after our last visit 'Is becoming a bit of an arsehole'. Certainly I think her claim that YOU have to be careful how YOU come across is her being an arsehole.

ETA -it was a good time for you to tell her she might want to think about how SHE comes across, but it sounds to me like you were doing a truly heroic job of biting your tongue.

Chuckling at was it a quorn chicken! That’s quite funny. She doesn’t want to eat any of that quorn muck!