Blamed for converting dh to veganism

[VeganConvert]

Dh decided to become Vegan a few months ago. Not precisely sure why but he had been vegetarian initially then decided may as well cut out dairy, eggs etc too. We just sort of got on with it.

We see ILs a few times a year as they live quite far away , dh speaks to MIL a few times a week where she basically talks at him about her health. Obviously Dh diet was never top of the list of things to discuss!

Anyway, we are meant to see them today and yesterday MIL called me to ‘finalise plans’ tell me their estimated arrival time etc and asked what I’ll be making. I said a roast as everybody likes that , then I just said about what I’d got for dh and she went quiet, then exploded at me that a grown man can’t be expected to survive on that sort of food!!

she accused me of warping his mind to ‘strange views’ and how it’s not good for men or growing children to be Vegan, that its part of my ‘off grid personality’ and she wanted to talk to dh to make sure he was ok ???!! She has acted as if I’m influencing him and withholding food. She spoke to him and he spent ages explaining it was his decision etc etc.

She then wanted to talk to me again and said I should make sure he has a health check up and also the dc.

The thing is - I’m not vegan! Neither are the dc??!! She has assumed this was all because of me ?! I told her this and she then said ‘I’m not convinced - we will see what you all eat tomorrow won’t we !’

AIBU to be confused at her attitude to veganism and also how she thinks that I’m somehow responsible? Why would a non vegan persuade someone else to be vegan ??!!

Most worrying is her misogyny in thinking this is all your “fault” he became vegan…..women are to blame for what men do etc!!

I’m not exactly sure but she said it to me and also said to dh about my off grid lifestyle / off grid ways and also that I wear ‘off grid clothes a lot’ I think she’s heard the phrase somewhere and applied it to me ???!!!

I don’t even think my clothes are that strange ? Pretty normal I think ? Dh thinks it’s hilarious and told me to make sure I wear something interesting today !

My only question is why on earth are you still hosting her?

Why on earth are you still having them to visit? Get DH to call them back, explain he doesn’t appreciate her criticism or comments, and that the visit is off.

So you and the kids and the visiting in-laws will all be eating the roast meat, and your DH will have a nice vegan alternative that he presumably likes. What does MIL think you should do differently? Force feed DH meat against his will?

I think you need to respond to everything with these questions "what do you think I should be doing differently? He has free choice what he eats do you want me to force him to eat things he doesn't want?"

They are usually fine this is why it’s so random! The dc are looking forward to seeing them and I’m hoping we can resolve it , if we can sort it out and put MIL back in her place without an argument hopefully going forward things will be ok as I don’t want to cut her out over this I think she just needs to sort herself out!!!

I’ve been googling ‘what is an off grid clothing style’ just to see what she means . I do wear a lot of earthy colours and greens so maybe she is seeing me as some kind of covert hippie type ? That Im masquerading as a meat eater or something and corrupting her son to my true ways 😂😂😂

She’s absolutely batshit. Maybe answer the door with a butchers apron and cleaver in hand (in a non-serial killer vibe!) with various raw cuts of meat in the kitchen and see what she says then?! 😂 Please come back and update us!

I like the sound of your dh 🙂 and agree with him wear something interesting and obviously "off grid" (I also have no idea what that means and I am of the early gen X age)

I was reading your op thinking. Ok a roast what will she make for main course with 2 vegans and then got to the fact that you are not vegan and later not even vegetarian and I will admit to laughing.

Sorry op your mil sounds weird. (I know that's not helpful) Hope you have a nice meal though. - what sort of roast?

If you are so off grid you need to get off the internet asap

Just chicken , plus pigs in blankets . I had said to her how dh was having roasted butternut squash with sage and pumpkin seeds and I’d do extra as it’s actually really nice and she was really shocked !

Oh my goodness 😂😂😂 This is so bizarre it is laughable 😂😂😂 I actually mean this kindly but is your mil unwell at all? Could she be starting with dementia or anything brain related. Good luck today you off grid menace 😂

She sounds batshit. But I am looking forward to the report after her visit!!!

Maybe you should suggest holding hands at the table and thanking the God Balonz before you eat?

Please do just laugh it off rather than doing a ‘come to Jesus’ style talk! She’s being a bit batty about her precious son who’s made a decision she doesn’t understand. It isn’t a declaration of war.

This is why I’m not rushing to cancel I think we can sort it out (dh tried on the phone and said he will speak to her more firmly if she says more) just in case there’s an issue as she was SO annoyed and really exploded about it . I think she needs to see as well that dh is healthy and hasn’t dropped weight since she last saw him and that it’s his choice and that it’s true that me and the dc are not vegan (not that it would matter but I think she needs to see what we said is the truth)

Oh dear! But I don't think there is much you can do except step back and let DH repeat 'Honestly Mum, I'm fine, and this is entirely my own choice, nothing to do with OP'.

I’d love to be a fly on the wall at you lunch today OP…your MIL sounds quite bizarre!

I would run with this theme. Dress accordingly and definitely give her something earthy and homemade for Christmas.

Roasted butternut squash is delicious but isn't a protien source. This isn't your problem but DH's, and it's his choice, but replacing the meat element of a traditional sunday lunch roast with a vegetable that is barely 1% protien isn't going to be a balanced diet. Obviouslt it's just one meal and maybe he gets enough protien in the other meals of the day, but I'd be adding some walnuts and chickpeas if it were me. Did he have restrictive/avoidant food issues as a child? I could certainly imagine a mum who spent years worrying about her child's restrictive food intake finding it difficult to stop worrying when he's an adult. No excuse for insulting you about it though!

She sounds batshit crazy and a control freak.

Some people seem to just about tolerate veganism in women but believe it's just not right in men. It's weird as the evidence shows that a careful plant-based diet is far healthier than eating meat and UPFs.

After telling her to fuck off you might like to point out that the Roman gladiators were vegan as they thought that would enhance their sporting performance.

I think she wanted him to marry a little version of herself. She criticises your style, because it's not her style, and anything new or unfamiliar makes her suspicious and uncomfortable. she thinks you're controlling him, she's come to that conclusion, because that's what she did when he was a little boy. She moulded him into the shape she wanted, now she assumes your trying to remould him. She cannot accept that he is (thankfully) a grown man with his own free will. She obviously loves and cares for him, but she needs to switch her brain to receive mode, and listen to her son. Then she must apologise to you.

She's going to be watching you like a hawk to see if you are pretending to eat the chicken etc to hide your evil off-grid ways. You could have some fun with this, OP.

Given that when she rings, its to chat about her health, I'd get DH to say hes trying to avoid her health issues as he ages by eating better.

There's nothing new about vegan/vegetarian diets. I am 73, many of my contemporaries are vegan or vegetarian, as were some of my grandparents' and parents' friends.

MIL is just a bit thick.

Please update us after the dinner - make a big performance eating your chicken 😂to prove your non vegan nor "off grid"