Blamed for converting dh to veganism

[VeganConvert]

Dh decided to become Vegan a few months ago. Not precisely sure why but he had been vegetarian initially then decided may as well cut out dairy, eggs etc too. We just sort of got on with it.

We see ILs a few times a year as they live quite far away , dh speaks to MIL a few times a week where she basically talks at him about her health. Obviously Dh diet was never top of the list of things to discuss!

Anyway, we are meant to see them today and yesterday MIL called me to ‘finalise plans’ tell me their estimated arrival time etc and asked what I’ll be making. I said a roast as everybody likes that , then I just said about what I’d got for dh and she went quiet, then exploded at me that a grown man can’t be expected to survive on that sort of food!!

she accused me of warping his mind to ‘strange views’ and how it’s not good for men or growing children to be Vegan, that its part of my ‘off grid personality’ and she wanted to talk to dh to make sure he was ok ???!! She has acted as if I’m influencing him and withholding food. She spoke to him and he spent ages explaining it was his decision etc etc.

She then wanted to talk to me again and said I should make sure he has a health check up and also the dc.

The thing is - I’m not vegan! Neither are the dc??!! She has assumed this was all because of me ?! I told her this and she then said ‘I’m not convinced - we will see what you all eat tomorrow won’t we !’

AIBU to be confused at her attitude to veganism and also how she thinks that I’m somehow responsible? Why would a non vegan persuade someone else to be vegan ??!!

Well I do admit I would be making a vegan family dinner for all

Well, in any case. This thread has inspired me to add butternut squash with pumpkin seeds to my planned roast for today.

She sounds really aggressive; I suspect it's the testosterone in the red meat that's to blame. You'd think the fact that her son was already vegetarian would've tipped her off that he wasn't going to be enthusiastically scarfing down chickens and pigs.

Can you go "literally" off grid for the day and hand her a sharpened stick to roast her food over an open flame?

How dare she speak to you like that when she is about to accept your hospitality.

I think in the past there were definite issues with sufficient of the right kind of nutrition. Obviously things have changed but the ideas linger. DSis knows a couple of grown men who were medically advised to go back to eating at least some meat (I don't know why). I think that's why the oldies are wary.

Ah your MIL has clearly been speaking to mine and everything must be the DIL fault that her son can't have a opinion or decide something for himself! Must have been led astray etc etc.

You have my sympathies!

Honestly let her crack on and just ignore its the best policy!

As an aside you can make a cracking creamy mushroom sauce with the liquid added to dried mushrooms, garlic and silken tofu in the food processor. Can be used for stroganoff, pasta or for a veg bake sauce and its high in protein.

Also aubergine "meatballs" with ground almonds as binder.

I'm not vegan (full on meat eater) and love the 2 above.

That doesn’t mean vegans didn’t exist though, does it? That’s just your experience.

i chose to be vegetarian in 1969, at age 7 because I didn’t want to eat animals.

My comment was simply to explain that for many people - and especially the older generations - it’s not something normal and it’s not something they have necessarily experienced

and any caring mother will tend to have worries about a son. If she ( wrongly ) thinks men need meat and loads of protein - and that’s a narrative being heavily pushed in the media these days - then a vegan diet may be making her scared for the health of her son and wouldn’t it be nice if instead of assuming the worst and taking insult at things we took a step back to think about what might be going on in MIL mind ?

yes she’s nuts but if she don’t know she don’t know

Just tell her to go fuck herself. What’s your DH going to do about it?

Well, you could either be a full-on vegan all day, or go the other way and pile your plate high with meat, because you are on a carnivore diet!

Seeing as though we can't be flies on your wall for the duration of this meal, please could we have a post-dinner update, OP?

Oh come on, .y .other is 82 and knows vegans exist and will cater for them

I wish people would stop excuses for older people as if they live under a rock and shouldn't be confronted over their poor attitudes.

So what if they didn't grow up with vegans..... I didn't grow up around Muslims, but doesn't mean I can call them names....

I’d be tempted to throw the phrase “off-grid” in as many times as possible in as many different contexts as possible to confuse her as she’s so keen on using it.
”how are the off-grid potatoes for everyone?”
“My friend sue has decided to peruse a career as an off-grid hairdresser”
”I don’t like the new Ed Sheeran song it’s a bit too off-grid“

@VeganConvert i really need you to cosplay a kind of Helena Bonham-Carter-esque vegan hippy today. Waft about in many layers of muddy coloured natural fabrics, perhaps a birds nest type fascinator in your hair, and burn white sage in each of the rooms as MIL leaves them to cleanse the energy,,,

Oh good grief

yet again a single example is held up to mean that everyone must /should know something

I despair

Absolutely batshit. I've never met an anti-vegan who knew the first thing about vegan nutrition.

Can't wait for today's update!

Ignorance isn't something that should be tolerated.

"Oh but they're oldddds" "they didn't grow up with it". Nonsense.

I would have told her she was no longer invited to dinner because I don’t eat with people who accuse me of being a liar…and becuase she’s clearly a cunt.

Actually, your husband should do this.
Like why would you sit down to a meal with someone who clearly doesn’t like you. You can tell her to fuck off you know. It’s the best part of being an adult, you don’t actually need to tolerate anyone you don’t want to.

She sounds insane
Tell her to stick her roast up her hoop
A MIL would only get the opportunity to talk to me like that once

From what OP has said it probably means OP recycles or eats organic food. Or maybe is a free living hippie who dries underwear on the washing line. MIL sounds like a loon

I find it amazing that the nutrition lectures appear in any thread where one vegan meal is described. Its one meal, not the entire bloody diet.

Re MiL - DH is correct just laugh it off and if feeling spiky ask if she thinks her son is inadequate/incompetent in some way that she considers him unable to make basic dietary decisions for himself.

What's that in English?

I would paraphrase

cooking multiple meals is hard

you haven’t convinced me that your DH has given enough consideration to his diet

your MIL is bonkers in blaming you but not bonkers in saying that she has concerns

I guess stick is a typo for vegan

I'm a 60s born life long veggie and knew plenty of veggies and quite a few vegans growing up and still do. That could easily make me old enough to be the MiL in this scenario. Its tempting to say the veganism variant is more popular amongst under 40s but its hard to know how many are fashion vegans. Amongst my (veggie/vegan) DCs' friends there are many who went overnight from McDonald's afficianados to fake meat burgers but most have retreated whereas those who took a more gradual path have succeeded.

Assuming a woman is responsible for the man's food and dietary choices is just straightforward sexism and appears as much in younger generations as older - if anything it has increased in recent years. I find it profoundly depressing.

She just needs someone to blame. In her mind, the wife is the one who cooks the food, so the change in diet must be due to your “off-grid” mindset. However, that doesn’t excuse her lack of knowledge or understanding of other people’s dietary choices, nor does it justify making assumptions without taking the time to educate herself.

To be honest, I used to be vegetarian for a long time and tried veganism for a while, too. However, I never expected people to cater to my diet. I ate what I could, even if it meant eating nothing but potatoes and bread because that was the only option available.

If someone wants to prepare separate meals or make everything vegan for your husband, that’s nice of them, but you certainly can’t expect people to do that for you.