Blamed for converting dh to veganism

[VeganConvert]

Dh decided to become Vegan a few months ago. Not precisely sure why but he had been vegetarian initially then decided may as well cut out dairy, eggs etc too. We just sort of got on with it.

We see ILs a few times a year as they live quite far away , dh speaks to MIL a few times a week where she basically talks at him about her health. Obviously Dh diet was never top of the list of things to discuss!

Anyway, we are meant to see them today and yesterday MIL called me to ‘finalise plans’ tell me their estimated arrival time etc and asked what I’ll be making. I said a roast as everybody likes that , then I just said about what I’d got for dh and she went quiet, then exploded at me that a grown man can’t be expected to survive on that sort of food!!

she accused me of warping his mind to ‘strange views’ and how it’s not good for men or growing children to be Vegan, that its part of my ‘off grid personality’ and she wanted to talk to dh to make sure he was ok ???!! She has acted as if I’m influencing him and withholding food. She spoke to him and he spent ages explaining it was his decision etc etc.

She then wanted to talk to me again and said I should make sure he has a health check up and also the dc.

The thing is - I’m not vegan! Neither are the dc??!! She has assumed this was all because of me ?! I told her this and she then said ‘I’m not convinced - we will see what you all eat tomorrow won’t we !’

AIBU to be confused at her attitude to veganism and also how she thinks that I’m somehow responsible? Why would a non vegan persuade someone else to be vegan ??!!

He seems to do ok for protein overall, eats a lot of tofu, chickpeas , lentils, nut butters and nuts etc. Uses a vegan protein powder. His dessert today is some kind of silken tofu, chia seed and almond cocoa creation he makes . For a roast though he just doesn’t like any meat substitutes, occasionally he will have a nut and seed roast though but isn’t that keen.

I think I've been on MN too long as my first thought since she's an older woman who is seriously acting out of character... do you think she might have an undiagnosed uti? It starts off as being out of character and dementia-like. Make sure she drinks plenty of fluids today. Good luck, and wear a floaty skirt 😉

Ffs not every single meal has to have “a meat alternative”. It’s fine for OP’s DH to have what he’s eating. He isn’t going to keel over from not having a load of protein in one meal. Why does everyone suddenly become a nutrition expert when a vegan meal is mentioned?!

I don't think it's a myth that my health and wellbeing dramatically improved when I started getting enough protein, and whoever wrote that article either can't do maths or is deluded as they say that a target of 0.8g protein per kg of body weight equates to 56g protein for an average adult male but that would imply the average adult male weighs 70kg whereas it's actually 85-90kg - and 0.8g per kg is the absolute minimum for someone with a very sedentary undemanding ifestyle - anyone with a more active lifestyle including regular exercise needs more like 1.5g per kg body weight, and also anyone age 65+ which will probably include OPs MIL should also be aiming for around 1.2g per kg body weight to prevent age related muscle degradation so she'll be conscious of this. It is perfectly possible to get enough protein on a vegan diet but you have to put proper thought into actively including the vegan sources of protein not just filling up on vegetables.

There were very very vegans in those days and most people would never have met one

my parents first met a vegetarian in the early 1990s - working class northern town it wasn’t much of a thing. I don’t think they have ever had to cater for a vegan.

At my age - I have known vegans but I don’t know any over 40. despite in some cases strong family encouragement for parents to go vegan

There are no scientifically backed protein goals that are not easily achieved by vegans.

there has been a huge push to get us all to increase protein levels in the last 10 years and i would suspect a “a follow the money “ investigation would link those new targets to the meat or UPF industries

She was rude. Possibly shocked, worried and disappointed in her DS.
See what happens tomorrow. Leave your husband to explain his own reasonings.

Some people have strange ideas, and dare I say prejudices, about veggie and vegan diets. My grandmother was a vegetarian and said when her mother found out she burst into tears and said she’d die eating that - although that was over 50 years ago. I’d just have to laugh!

More seriously though, I wouldn’t be happy with my MIL blaming me for any of my DH’s choices regardless of what they were. Her comments do suggest she has some underlying feelings about you so that’s a bit awkward to put it mildly.

Ok that sounds lush 😄

I'm a vegan, and I've had an entire lifetime of being served fancy vegetables in place of a main part of a meal. One meal won't do any harm of course not but it's a fair comment to make - roast meat is satiating and ensures sufficient protein and fat is consumed for a balanced meal. Roast butternut squash is basically just an extra carb. Tasty but not great from a nutritional perspective.

What a strange woman. I'd be vegan for the day and wear the most 'off grid' outfit I possess. That should send her into an almighty (unnecessary and totally of her making) spin. That's entertainment sorted for the day.

Your mil sounds batshit. Especially with her “well we will see what you eat tomorrow “ comment. She’s basically accusing you of lying and seems like she’s hoping to catch you out declining the roast and eating a plate of Quorn.

btw dh has been vegan for over 40 years and runs 2 marathons a week and regularly does ultra marathons of around 400 miles. It’s perfectly easy to be fit and healthy, have enough energy and protein from being vegan. I’m not vegetarian or vegan so he’s managed to not convert me (he’s never tried)!

Don't worry op my mil thinks everything my husband does ( or any male blood relatives of hers) is controlled by the wife, right down to him not having sugar in his tea when he was trying to lose weight

He was there. On and off the phone.

The idea thst each meal has got to have a big serving of protein in it is very western. As long as the diet contains enough protein overall it's fine for quite a number of meals to be just vegetatables and grains.

My reply would be “you won’t see what I eat tomorrow because you’re uninvited due to being an aggressive weirdo”

...in the butternut squash...

It's contains protein, not much. But it does.

Besides not all meals have to be high in protein

I like the phrase: "Off-grid personality" I shall use it.

Brilliant amount of ageism on this thread. One of the vegans in our family is my mum who’s 75 and she eats that way to manage her arthritis. It’s not a young person habit and I know more vegans aged over 60 than under.

Have a nice lunch OP! Pop some moss in your hair and some hand knitted lentils around your neck, lean in to your off grid look.

She sounds like an idiot and a misogynist. I wouldn't be cooking anything for her, her precious son can do it.

Fuck that. Id be handing the reins over to husband and taking myself and the kids out for the day. He can deal with her shit. No way is tolerate being spoken to like that by anyone.

The data for the UK strongly shows a very clear and strong age bias towards the younger population however even if your experience is otherwise

it’s also not actually agist to say that if someone hasn’t experienced something - and the reason for that is the something is actually uncommon in their generation- that they may be worried about it.

I would not still be cooking for her. Dh can do it.

I voted the wrong way! Sorry! YANBU

Not all plants are 'vegetables', @SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes !
Beans & peas (ie most sources of vegan protein) also grow on plants!
And although I share your pain at the way some catering establishments totally fail to demonstrate an understanding of basic nutritional info, it seems that the guy in this story is doing ok.

OP: Your DH needs to lay down the law with his mother as soon as she arrives, make it clear that her behaviour has been unacceptably rude - to both of you - and any comments on what he eats will not be tolerated from here on.
How she behaves today will affect whether or not she is ever invited round to your house again!

If you really want to teach her a lesson, get her son to make an all-vegan meal for everyone to share next time.

( I write as someone who's been vegan for over 30 years)