Blamed for converting dh to veganism

[VeganConvert]

Dh decided to become Vegan a few months ago. Not precisely sure why but he had been vegetarian initially then decided may as well cut out dairy, eggs etc too. We just sort of got on with it.

We see ILs a few times a year as they live quite far away , dh speaks to MIL a few times a week where she basically talks at him about her health. Obviously Dh diet was never top of the list of things to discuss!

Anyway, we are meant to see them today and yesterday MIL called me to ‘finalise plans’ tell me their estimated arrival time etc and asked what I’ll be making. I said a roast as everybody likes that , then I just said about what I’d got for dh and she went quiet, then exploded at me that a grown man can’t be expected to survive on that sort of food!!

she accused me of warping his mind to ‘strange views’ and how it’s not good for men or growing children to be Vegan, that its part of my ‘off grid personality’ and she wanted to talk to dh to make sure he was ok ???!! She has acted as if I’m influencing him and withholding food. She spoke to him and he spent ages explaining it was his decision etc etc.

She then wanted to talk to me again and said I should make sure he has a health check up and also the dc.

The thing is - I’m not vegan! Neither are the dc??!! She has assumed this was all because of me ?! I told her this and she then said ‘I’m not convinced - we will see what you all eat tomorrow won’t we !’

AIBU to be confused at her attitude to veganism and also how she thinks that I’m somehow responsible? Why would a non vegan persuade someone else to be vegan ??!!

Crazy.

I was vegan for a few years (and plan to return to it as well) and I had a friend clasp my hands and literally sob that if I were to be vegan while pregnant she would report me to social services.

I wasn't pregnant. But then when DS1 was a baby she called me up after coming to our house and witnessing him in a play pen and scream at me that I was putting my baby in a cage and should have him taken from me. So I realised the problem was her.

The OP's MIL is completely out of line. And I always smile wryly to myself when people start telling vegetarian how unhealthy his food is while they chow down on bacon burgers and chips (as happened just this last Friday).

She owes you a MASSIVE fucking apology

eeek. little look at her internal misogyny and her feelings about people who make life choices that she thinks might make her look bad? and wow she was so ready with it. but seriously. the fact the she has said ‘we’ll see what you eat tomorrow’. i’d be saying ‘no you f won’t love’ i couldn't eat with her after that. thats vile. yuck.

How bizarre! I’d love to be a fly on the wall at yours today as well!
When me and DH first moved in together, MIL used to constantly comment that he’d lost weight and was he eating properly!

Is be tempted to do a full vegan roast and blame her for it using her same logic 😂😂😂😂

Crazy that someone could get angry about someone’s dietary choices, he’s a grown man and I presume he is well educated about why he’s chosen to be vegan and how to live healthily as a vegan!

Both myself, my growing daughter, and even my 60-odd year old mother are vegan! Everyone always comments on how healthy we are, we’re all very fit too, and nothing is missed out on!

the point is when you are actually and honestly concerned about people’s well-being you don’t get nasty. you don’t get cruel. you get interested. you show support. not what ever mil did. that’s not loving kindness AT ALL no ifs and buts.

Of course she is an evil mysogentic bitch

or like many older people she is worried about a vegan diet ( and the protein fad won’t help that ) and being your DHs mother she’s terrified he’s harming himself and lashing out everywhere to protect her child

Personally Id find it a pain to cook separate meals for a single vegan in the family. The nonchalant way your DH says he might as well cut eggs. Dairy and whatever else from his diet is a hit alarming for his health. Your MIL sounds as bonkers as your DH although she is right to be concerned about his health although its obviously not your fault he has decided to become a stick.

You are not even vegetarian?

So you are going to be chomping away at your sausages whilst she is saying “and it is all your fault that he is vegan”. 😂😂😂😂

Not the point of the thread at all, but as a vegan, butternut squash is not a suitable meat alternative in a meal. He will be eating a plate of vegetables, where is the protein? I still think MIL is rude and sexist but she does actually have a point about the meal he's planning to eat.

Rude woman!

Cutting out eggs and dairy does not cause any health problems. I’ve not ate either for 17 years. I am extremely strong, fit, and healthy, all my blood tests are always perfect. And I am certainly not a stick either! I have a good amount of fat and muscle - bmi around 22. Walk everywhere and exercise frequently. Mad that you can presume cutting out animal products will cause serious health issues…

Don't stop at the off-grid outfit. Male sure you conically avoid eating the chicken, turn side on to MIL and pass the fork behind your loudly flapping jaw, whilst giving her the side eye. Make a large MMmm noise. Then obviously put the chicken in your napkin.

You and the PP who also mentioned protein should read up about the 'Protein Myth'. The PCRM is good on this, along with mutiple other resources.

https://www.pcrm.org/good-nutrition/nutrition-information/protein

If fits for her to blame you given she also seems to think its your job to book him a Dr appointment. That's the issue, she's stuck in the past and believes women are responsible for men and that she's handed the baton to you and you aren't looking after/controlling him the way she would.

You can't reason with people who have different values.

She doesn't need to be reassured of anything to alleviate her overbearing crazy. You're all independent and she needs to realise she can't overreach like this into adult lives.

I don't need to read the protein myth thanks, I'm talking from a decade's experience of being a vegan and 46 years of being vegetarian. Being given a plate of vegetables with a side of vegetables as an alternative to a balanced meal that includes protein, carbs and vegetables in reasonable proportions leaves me hungry and unsatisfied, and it's extremely common. Fancy vegetables are not equivalent to meat or fish. Being vegan is perfectly fine for health but not if you mostly eat plants and not much else.

Absolutely!

I had an aunt and uncle in the 1960s that had been vegan since the 1940s!! It’s not a new phenomenon that old people don’t understand 🤣

I've just scanned that article and nowhere does it suggest replacing animal protein with vegetables. Vegan protein sources exist and they are essential to a balanced vegan diet.

I have seen this before, it’s insane. It’s like ‘you are his wife, you have control of him, how have you let this happen ?’

One friend of mine, her neighbours husband was very ill mentally and had SEVERAL phone calls like this from women saying ‘this is your fault, why aren’t you taking care of him?’ I was astounded.

She sounds unhinged but people do become unhinged when it comes to veganism. I’m vegan and have had people be weird like this with me. I assume it’s because subconsciously they feel seen or judged by my dietary choices. It’s a very weird defensive reaction. When my now DH separated from his previous long term partner (long before I met him) his mum said to him he needed to find a woman who “loved meat” (DH is vegan) 🤣🤣🤣 MIL is now always making weird comments about what my DSC eat (they’re veggie but our meals at home are vegan) despite them eating a balanced and healthy diet. She makes them pancakes and says they’re finally getting some “goodness in them” because the pancakes have egg in them 😭. It’s truly bonkers.

sorry that ended up being long. I wouldn’t host your MIL after that, I’d need a cooling off period.

not saying being vegan is mentally ill btw!!! I was myself for a while but am more vegetarian now, I can’t live without honey!!

I was just making the point that there are certain people with a view like this and that wives are now men’s mothers, in control of everything and they let the side down.

Oh, my god, it has really tickled me that she has described you as off grid ,& how she has used it as an adjective for so many things😂😂

Tell her you are starting an allotment

I wouldn't ever speak to that woman again and would have politely told her to fuck off with that attitude.