To think DS and I are not in the wrong? Will related…

[IfIHadAHeart]

A relative of my exH died recently and has left a fairly substantial inheritance to my DCs. This has some as a complete surprise. One of my DCs is over 18 but the other is not.

The relative has not left anything to my DCs cousin. No idea why, or whether the will might even predate the cousin’s birth. If so, there were still many years in which to update the will if the relative had wanted to, and they were of sound mind throughout.

exMIL believes my DC should split their inheritance with the cousin. She believes my eldest DC should give the majority of their share to the cousin upon receiving the money, and that my youngest DC should then top up eldest when they turn 18 and can access the funds.

Eldest DC has said no, with my backing. I’m now getting rather unpleasant messages from my exH, MIL and SIL (parent of the excluded cousin) about the unfairness of it all and that my DC are selfish.

AIBU to support eldest DC to stand their ground?

They don’t need to know when the Will was made. It has no bearing on anything. The deceased did not leave any money to their own siblings, the cousins parents, etc. They wanted to leave some money to the OP’s two children and to charity. The deceased wasn’t a relative of the OP’s children or cousin. There was a connection through marriage. She knew these two boys, they visited, the eldest helped her with gardening. They’ve been gifted some money. That’s it really.

It is really not pertinent at all. Relative was of sound mind to the end, could have changed it, did not. The End.

@IfIHadAHeart respect the wishes of the dead.

The fact the rest was left to charity speaks volumes.

Clearly your 2 DC showed kindness with their visits and that meant a lot to her so she included them in the will.

People make wills for a reason. They should be respected.

My youngest will not turn 18 in the next two years. They cannot legally consent to a variation, and no one can consent on their behalf. I think that’s why MIL is going down the route she is, asking eldest to contribute a large portion now believing youngest DC would not screw over eldest.

Fairness is an interesting concept I suppose. You could argue it’s not fair on the cousin. Or you could argue it’s not fair to demand my DCs give away money that’s legally theirs. Or that it’s not fair to ignore the wishes of the deceased. The issue is we will never know the reasons behind the deceased’s decision, unless they have left a letter explaining. I think it’s likely to be ex in laws who sort through their belongings so I wouldn’t expect them to be forthcoming with any such letter if it exists. I don’t know really. My priority is my DCs and so I will support them in their decision.

Then the cousin's parents need to go to court to get the Will changed since it is a LEGAL AND BINDING document.

I would just reply saying that I don't intend to be so selfish and unreasonable as to ignore the wishes of the deceased relative. That to do so would be tacky and feel motivated by greed.

Given that it’s not a blood relative… sounds quite distant and the relationship with OPs DC is that they spent time with them and helped them. The idea that the cousin ‘should’ have received a share doesn’t really hold water. It’s not like it’s a grandparent or great grandparent.

Where does it stop?

MIL: Anthony, I'm ringing because your Dad says you've had a promotion at work. We're all so pleased! I'm assuming you'll get a pay rise now. What you need to do now is set up a direct debit to transfer some of it to your cousin Jimmy. As you know, he hasn't done as well at school as you did, and it's really eating him up that he's not able to get the sort of job he really feels he should be in. Universal Credit doesn't go far these days, even though he is still living at home. He's in desperate need of a holiday and a car of his own. I've got the bank details here ... What's that? You can't afford a car and your rent's eating up most of your salary and you're living on economy baked beans? Well, come on, that's only to be expected at your age! You should count your blessings, young man. As I was saying, the bank details ...

I wouldn’t share it. If the relative had wanted to leave them money, then they could have but for whatever reason they chose not to.

Read my post properly.

One way to look at this is to think about how you and your DC would feel if they were the ones left out and all the money went to their cousin. Would they be ok with that or would they think - “I know what the Will says if what we should do lawfully, but it seems so unfair for us to be treated so differently”.
As has already been said, the Will cannot be changed as such because one of the beneficiaries is a child, so their 50% must remain. That complicates things. In the example given of £100k, where both sons will get £50K each, I’d look at giving something when the cousin becomes 18. Maybe not the full 1/3, maybe just £20K, so £10K of each DS. So DS1 invests £10k of his money now and gives it when the cousin is 18 and £10k of DS2s money is ringfenced now. Obviously DS2 may not agree when he receives his money - that’s his prerogative.
Just remember, before this relative died, the DSs did not have this money.

And the legal action will be unsuccessful as the cousin was not a dependent of the will writer. If they do pursue something, hopefully a sensible lawyer will talk sense.

Again, I ask why would anybody feel the cousin is entitled to this money from someone who wasn't a blood relative of any of the people involved?

Anyone, literally anyone, can get hold of a copy of the will by paying a very small amount of money.

All that information is irrelevant

the ops ds has been given some money by X

its not for Y and Z to demand he give it away, any part of it

he has said no, he doesn’t want to give any part of the money away. It’s now his money.

no reason or justification for anyone to be told what to do with their money

It's not her ex's money at all.

She's a child with an equal blood relationship

Yes - none of them are blood relatives.

I don't understand why there are so many people saying to share it. My will is written very intentionally about who gets what, I'd be seriously fucked off if I thought people would just share it out however after I've died regardless. What so people think a will even is, if not your last wishes made clear? It's not something to just be casually overwritten!

As for the relationship the OP's DCs had with the deceased, well yes, that's great. But realistically, what could the 10 year-old cousin have actually done here? It's not as if he/ she could have gone round to occasionally mow this person's lawn of their own volition!

I doubt the deceased had firmly taken against the young child (cousin). All I can think of is the deceased harboured a dislike for one, or both, of the cousin's parents? Perhaps the one OP believes everyone is 'terrified of?' So, if the will has been written recently, it does sound like a deliberate point is being made to the parents if this cousin. This is unfair in the cousin, but what can you do really?

From the MIL's POV, it sounds like she has 2 children (or 2 with kids at least) - and is seeing two GC receiving an inheritance while one is being left out. All this from an in-law she had a good relationship with?

The problem is, if the 'relative everyone is terrified of' is the actually child of the PILs (as opposed to their son or daughter in-law), they ex-PILs will likely think this person is wonderful, or not see any reasons why the relative and other would may have disliked them. Si the fact the relative seems to have actively disliked one of their children may have come as a shock to them?

I don't know. Nobody can say really.

OP why do you think the other family have been left out? You must have some idea?

That's the thing though. There's three kids. Going on rough ages ones 19, ones older than 11 but not 18, so let's say he's 15, and the last is 11.

The will was drawn up before the 11yr old was born, but managed to include the 15yr old. So, 13yrs ago (ish)

At which time the 19yo was 6 and the 15yo was 2. I.e. not included on the basis of having such a wonderful relationship helping this distant relative with lawn mowing etc.

The person who died is entitled to leave their money to whomever they choose. They obviously valued your children being there for the cups of tea/ mowing the lawn. I know their cousin is younger but did ExSIL ever visit them/ do errands for them? Probably not. And your ExPIL do they have an equal relationship with your children and cousin? Or do they favour Cousin?
I would tell my children to keep the money and not share it as they had a relationship with the person and that is what they wanted, to help them get ahead in life.

You have no control over what people do with money you have gifted them after you've given it, alive or dead.

If you want that control then you need to leave it in trust with strict rules on how it can be spent.

The will is the final document- the person obviously loved your DC, they appreciated their time and efforts and have therefore given them a lovely start in life. As you say the person could have changed the will at anytime, they could have left money to their own sibling- they didn’t. I would not expect my DC to share this at all. However I would tel them that as ‘ex PiL are being nasty, they may will prioritise their cousin going forward.’

It would also surely attract heavy capital gains tax, to give "gift" to cousin then a few years later brother to brother.

I would be more in favour of 1st giving him a share and 2nd giving him a share when he turns 18. You said the cousin is under 18 so doesn't need it right now.

I suppose if you look at like this if the cousin and 1 of your children got a share would you say tough luck to your other son?

And if the will was written before the cousin was born?. Because the other kids were about 2 and 6. Not helpful errand running kids. But the only kids alive at the time.