To think DS and I are not in the wrong? Will related…

[IfIHadAHeart]

A relative of my exH died recently and has left a fairly substantial inheritance to my DCs. This has some as a complete surprise. One of my DCs is over 18 but the other is not.

The relative has not left anything to my DCs cousin. No idea why, or whether the will might even predate the cousin’s birth. If so, there were still many years in which to update the will if the relative had wanted to, and they were of sound mind throughout.

exMIL believes my DC should split their inheritance with the cousin. She believes my eldest DC should give the majority of their share to the cousin upon receiving the money, and that my youngest DC should then top up eldest when they turn 18 and can access the funds.

Eldest DC has said no, with my backing. I’m now getting rather unpleasant messages from my exH, MIL and SIL (parent of the excluded cousin) about the unfairness of it all and that my DC are selfish.

AIBU to support eldest DC to stand their ground?

I did read the post! The cousin is much younger and not in a position to mow the lawn etc. Her DC are perfectly within their rights ti accept the money but they have to recognise that their in-laws will disagree with their position, resulting in a breakdown of relationships and grandparents excluding them from their will to rectify the situation.

Block them. You and your dear boys are in the right.

You and DC are absolutely in the right, the will stated that is what should happen, they could have changed the will if needed, my parents did this and was easy to do once I had my son. Don’t let them railroad you into it.

I think what's pertinent to consider are the timings:

When was the will drawn up?

Was the cousin born then?

How old were your DC at the time of drawing the will?

If the will was drawn before the cousin was born, then if course they won't be on it.

If your DC were very tiny at the time, it's not because this distant relative had such a lovely relationship with them. It seems clear that they wanted to gift to a younger generation and yours were the only kids to leave anything too. Particularly as the rest has gone to charity.

They may well have intended to change it and it's just one of those things you never get round too. They may have left it deliberately.

Given this will last a long time (house sale etc). I'd encourage your DCs to come up with a phrase to shut down the conversations which will inevitably crop up all the time as things progress. So something along the line of "this is not up for further discussion". They will be otherwise continuously hounded I fear

The suggested timing is clearly wrong but I would do 1/3 share when all the money is available. Your oldest keeps 1/3 now, the rest goes in trust to the cousin, and the same when your younger one inherits.

Given that the inheritance was completely unexpected, it doesn't seem fair that the other cousin misses out because he's got a bully of a parent, the money isn't being left to the parent.

If your youngest is under 18 is it even possible for them to agree to anything about their bequest at the moment? I would've thought it would be held in trust.

If you decided you did want to split up the money you only have a £3,000 gift allowance per year. I think you would have to legally gift it to them under the 7 year rule or use a deed of appropriation.
i have no legal expertise but have just dealt with a few family things.
personally I think you should follow what ever the deceased persons wishes were.
They may have had very good personal reasons why they left the money how they did and it was their money to leave how they wished.

There is absolutely no legal requirement that a will has to be fair people have the freedom to leave what they want to who they want - that said there are occasions it can be challenged and this I don’t think is one

but we also have a strange notion that fairness has to be the same as equal and whilst the two share many characteristics fair does not have to be equal.

its clear your two had a relationship with the deceased and one that was clearly seen as well - why should it be right or moral to share with a cousin who didn’t have that relationship because there were cousins

the right and moral thing to do is to follow the wishes of the will

I believe there is 2 years to change a will so no one needs to top anyone up. However I think all the executors and beneficiaries need to agree. I would only do it this way!

There’s no situation to rectify. The relative left some money to your children, the rest to charity. End of. If other relatives feel miffed, they can take legal action against the relative’s Estate.

I’m wondering why your ex is wanting his children to give a portion to his 10 year old niece/nephew and give a third of them inheritance to them now, using your eldest’s total share as your youngest won’t receive his until he is 18 - I’m wondering would your Ex and his sibling have some plan to split the amount between them and not pass it on to this 10 year old at all.

All these people banging on about fairness - wills are not fair, they legally don’t have to be in England. They are the final wishes of the deceased. I inherited a sizeable chunk from a relative I was looking after. She left my brothers exactly the same amount when neither had done fuck all for her care, not even a phone call. Did I kick up going boo hoo it’s not fair? No I didn’t. It was her choice, as was the stupid amount she left to Cats Protection and Blue Cross.

OP you can order a copy of the will very easily and cheaply once probate is completed. Who is the executor? If it’s none of your ex in laws you don’t need to speak to them about it and it begs the question how do they know what’s in the will if they aren’t the executors.

This.

I think, before making any decisions, you need to know when the will was actually made.

Exactly this!! It’s got nothing to do with deserving, it’s someone’s wishes.

But it’s fair for OP’s children to receive less from a relative that intentionally left them more, presumably in reflection of their relationship, because OP’s DCs have bullies for a grandmother, an aunt and a father?

But why would you think the cousin is specifically missing out ? The Ex and his sibling could say they were missing out, as well as the deceased own siblings, etc, etc. The deceased left some money to the OP’s two children, the remainder to charity - that’s quite specific - she had two people she wanted to leave money to out of a list of people that she could have. Anyone else is not missing out, they weren’t considered, the deceased didn’t want to leave anyone else anything. Respect the will of the deceased.

Sounds like the deceased relative wanted your children to inherit given that they had a relationship with him.

Absolutely right to tell ex in-laws that you support your children in following legally correct procedures with regards to the will, but you understand that they may wish to redress the difference from their money/ own wills.

To me it read like XDH is more bothered about not getting aggro from his family than he is about his kids getting good sized house deposits. Wouldn't be the first time someone prioritised an easy life.

All completely irrelevant in this case. The ex's family are pressuring the OP's elder son and the OP as guardian for her younger son to hand over money voluntarily to her ex's sibling and partner who would 'look after' this money for their son. Nice try, but fortunately the OP and her sons have well-developed backbones and are saying no.

I wonder if a token gesture might be made and ease the family dynamic there.

Let's say that your DC got £50k each, what about a £10k gesture to the cousin on the understanding that legally they are not entitled to anything but it's a goodwill gesture. Take it or leave it.

No.

The Will is a legal document that CANNOT be changed unless it goes to court. Any changes without court approval could constitute coercion or financial abuse, both of which are crimes with possible jail time. The Will MUST be followed precisely.

I don't think the relatives of the cousin have much to do with it. She's a child, the youngest of the 3 cousins, she cannot help how her parents behave. She's a child with an equal blood relationship and we have no answer on when the will was written, so we don't know if leaving her out was an accident or deliberate.

And if it was deliberate, that has no bearing on whether the person who receives the money decides to keep it or not, that's for them to decide. Though I notice on this forum that many people would use "it's how the will was so it's what the dead person wanted" as a reason for some morally questionable actions.

It would be different if this relative has spoken to them about their legacy. Others are free to feel differently, but if these were my boys I would encourage them to share their totally unexpected good fortune with their cousin, in the way I have described.

You have no say over the money at all. Your younger son can't access his money for a few years, what if he decides at 18, he doesn't want to 'top up his brother's share'?? Why should the younger cousin, who didn't inherit, have her full share now, leaving your adult son (who may want/need the money before her) with only a small amount? Absolutely not.

Your ex in-laws are being unreasonable. I understand that it's not nice that one cousin has been left out (likely the Will was made before she was born) but that's not your children's fault. Emotional blackmail is awful, and your ex's family should be ashamed of themselves for putting the situation onto your son to resolve.

Why?

Even if you do agree to change the will. The oldest son shouldn't be the shortfall to have to wait for the money from youngest child. If they do agree to split the money equally. It should be that the oldest keeps his 33k (whatever they agreed each person gets equally) and the remainder is given to cousin, and cousin has to wait as well until the other one can be given.