To think DS and I are not in the wrong? Will related…

[IfIHadAHeart]

A relative of my exH died recently and has left a fairly substantial inheritance to my DCs. This has some as a complete surprise. One of my DCs is over 18 but the other is not.

The relative has not left anything to my DCs cousin. No idea why, or whether the will might even predate the cousin’s birth. If so, there were still many years in which to update the will if the relative had wanted to, and they were of sound mind throughout.

exMIL believes my DC should split their inheritance with the cousin. She believes my eldest DC should give the majority of their share to the cousin upon receiving the money, and that my youngest DC should then top up eldest when they turn 18 and can access the funds.

Eldest DC has said no, with my backing. I’m now getting rather unpleasant messages from my exH, MIL and SIL (parent of the excluded cousin) about the unfairness of it all and that my DC are selfish.

AIBU to support eldest DC to stand their ground?

Yes, there could be repercussions but nothing to say that they planned to leave anything to OP’s sons.
If they do disinherit them then that’s their choice as much as it was this relative’s choice to make them named beneficiaries. Wills are not about fairness.

It's not her ex's family money. Read the OP's posts more carefully. There is no blood relationship here at all. Even if there was, in English law there is no obligation whatsoever to leave money to family. The deceased has left the money to two boys who were kind to him and whom he knew well and liked. End of story. Nothing to do with the ex or his family at all.

The family being terrified of the cousins parent may hint as to why that sibling was left nothing

Basically this.
Your DC are being thanked for their relationship with the deceased. It is not millions but enough to make a difference eg reduce burden of university debt or whatnot.
Your DC are not obliged to share it and there's no reason for them to do so. Ex and relatives can "top up" the cousin themselves if they want to even things out.

Personally I think your children should share the inheritance but I have doubts about the mechanism proposed by ex MIL. The other alternative is for your ex MIL to remove your children from her will and leave everything to the other child. Your children don't deserve thd inheritance any more than their cousin.

Well you're passive aggressive so that's not very nice......

And what constitutes "fair" ? Maybe the cousin's family are loaded and OP isn't so this bequest was thoughtfully given to redress that imbalance.

If you ever want to redistribute what you've received in a bequest that's up to you but no one has the right to arbitrarily redistribute what someone else has received.

After reading your update outlining how your two DC had a clear connection to the deceased, I am even more convinced that things should be left as per the will. I do not think it is an accidental omission but a positive decision to invest in their future. Your ExH and MIL should pipe down.

It should be split 3 ways morally, just because he had time to change the will doesn't alter this imo, the cousin is still his gc and family. However you can't decide as the money's not yours and the only fair thing to do is for your eldest who's of age is to gift him one third for now in an ISA until cousin turns 18. And then encourage your other ds to do the same when ge gets his inheritance

After reading your update outlining how your two DC had a clear connection to the deceased, I am even more convinced that things should be left as per the will. I do not think it is an accidental omission but a positive decision to invest in their future. Your ExH and MIL should pipe down. As other have said, MIL can switch things in her own will if she is that bothered.

Your children were supportive of this elderly relative through the actions. The relative was clearly very grateful and has said thank you through this legacy to both children.
Your ex in laws need to leave you and the children alone. You have not done anything wrong!

OP thank you for the update, your DSs sound lovely individuals. Stand firm and follow the intention of the deceased. Let others say what they will, they will soon tire when they find that they aren't going to get anywhere.

If I was in a fighting mood I would be asking him if he is committing to immediately topping up the amount of his children’s money that he is trying to coerce from them? Or is he just expecting to manipulate and pressure them into giving up a significant amount to give money to a child the deceased chose to exclude? If he and his family want to even the playing field they can put their hands in their pockets and give some money to the young child instead. Not take money from your DCs.

In a more balanced mood I’d tell him it’s nothing to do with you, and your children have made their decision, so that should be the end of it. Your poor DCs (and you) having to put up with this, on top of the loss.

Read the full thread 🙄

I think there are also rules around gifting money. Isn’t it £5k a year or something similar so eldest can’t give any more to cousin than this anyway.

I disagree with sharing the money and going against someone’s wishes in their will.

Have you read all of the OP’s posts? It’s clear there is no actual blood or legal relationship between the deceased and her sons or the cousin.

The deceased chose to leave his money to two young men who spent time with him, knew him, helped him out. He could just as easily have left it to two neighbours or other friends.

I’m not sure anybody “deserves” an inheritance, but certainly it makes sense that the sons got this inheritance while their cousin didn’t!

I personally think it would be good to
distribute evenly - although no one is owed an inheritance.

But not how MIL suggests.

Using your figures of £100 and getting £33 K each.

your ds should receive their £40k each and then each of them contribute £17k when they can access their funds.

Do feel free to ask the OP for the cousin’s details so you can be a good person and redress the balance from your own money .

Your adult DC has made his decision. Support him completely.

Tell exH to be a parent, support his son and tell his family to shut up.

You and your DC have done nothing wrong. Protect them. Anyone messaging you just reply that you are following the Will and deceased wishes. No further discussion. Tell your DC to ignore.

The younger one might say no. Nobody can force him.

But genuinely, why would that be good? You’d be ignoring the actual wishes of the deceased to give money to somebody he did not choose to give money to. The deceased felt close to the OP’s sons and not to the cousin, and had no legal/biological relationship to the cousin. Why does the cousin get money?

I have no idea what exPIL plan to do with their estate, it’s none of my business. Were they to leave less to my DCs and give more to the cousin because mine have already had a head start, I’d like to think DC would understand that and that it would be PIL money to do as they chose.

We don’t know the exact amounts yet anyway because they are to come as a percentage from the sale of a house that isn’t even on the market yet. I think there’s a chance this could rumble on for some time. There will be no Ferraris, I have advised the DC not to count their chickens, wait to see what comes, and try to use it wisely towards securing their futures.

YANBU, OP. Your children can legally and morally do whatever they like with the money, and the way the spurned relatives are carrying on, your children won’t feel the need to choose to help them out in future either. As you say - the relative chose not to include the cousin. Respect their wishes, protect your children. Stand your ground!

I’m not sure what rules you’re thinking of, there’s nothing stopping me from giving as much money as I want to somebody else. It might impact on care home fees or inheritance but given the OP’s sons are teenagers those presumably aren’t concerns!

Wills need to be followed as per instructions. Your relative didn't want one person to inherit so the requests need to be followed.

RTFT