To think DS and I are not in the wrong? Will related…

[IfIHadAHeart]

A relative of my exH died recently and has left a fairly substantial inheritance to my DCs. This has some as a complete surprise. One of my DCs is over 18 but the other is not.

The relative has not left anything to my DCs cousin. No idea why, or whether the will might even predate the cousin’s birth. If so, there were still many years in which to update the will if the relative had wanted to, and they were of sound mind throughout.

exMIL believes my DC should split their inheritance with the cousin. She believes my eldest DC should give the majority of their share to the cousin upon receiving the money, and that my youngest DC should then top up eldest when they turn 18 and can access the funds.

Eldest DC has said no, with my backing. I’m now getting rather unpleasant messages from my exH, MIL and SIL (parent of the excluded cousin) about the unfairness of it all and that my DC are selfish.

AIBU to support eldest DC to stand their ground?

No. You stand by your DC and the will. It’s a legal document which should be executed as it’s written.

Your sons sound lovely boys. Relative obviously recognised this and was grateful. The will was written intentionally.

From the OP, direct quote: “I’m now getting rather unpleasant messages from my exH, MIL and SIL ”

Please for the love of god read the OP people!! She has also said the messages were not started by her!!

(edited to make more polite)

YANBU OP

I suggest your eldest just keeps on like a broken record “I have decided to honour X’s wishes as they have made their will very clear and I will be following their instructions”

My DC have a similar relationship to a relative of ex h. She has been very supportive of them as Nd they have seen her far more often than their cousin's who have hardly been in contact. The relative has met the cousins on the other side once. whereas we pop round whenever we can ( about every few months as none of us live nearby. I am not expecting anything to be given to my DC but if they got a token but not the other cousins I wouldn't be surprised as it's the personal relationship not the pure financial one that the gift is about. Your ex h and MIL can top it up if they like.

This ⬆️

And for the unpleasant messages - “your message comes across rather unpleasant, don’t send me anymore, I don’t want to have to block you”

Don't be silly. Read all three of the OP's posts on this thread. The greed is all coming from her ex-husband's family whose noses are out of joint because the OP's two sons have been given something which they believe should have been shared with their cousin. There is no blood relationship here at all! The OP's children first came to know the deceased because he was married to a blood relative of their father's, but they have maintained a relationship with him after her death out of kindness and perhaps finding some common interests. They are as entitled to a bequest now as any friend or neighbour who'd helped him out and provided companionship in his later years. The little cousin, through no fault of his own, had not been in a position to do what the OP's children did. Perhaps his parents were and didn't bother.

So the relative cut out their own sibling in favour of your DC, their will is perfectly clear.

Could the deceased have perceived that your ex treated you and your DC's poorly - and this is the reason for them being named?

Also, the fact that the rest has gone to charity is key here, I think. If the relative wanted to leave anything to anyone else specifically, he/she would have.

I take the point that the younger cousin is not responsible for his parents' relationship with this relative, but then again, it's not your responsibility either.

Less estranged, more protecting my peace! ExH did not accept the divorce easily and was, shall we say, reluctant to let go. I am civil on the rare occasions I need to see him or his family. They were very opinionated throughout our marriage and divorce. I just generally try to keep communication with my ex to the bare minimum because anything beyond that and he starts with all the reasons we should still be together…

My DCs do see the cousin at family occasions on that side, and eldest occasionally babysits him.

Ex has contacted me to say he believes the will is unfair and asking me to encourage DCs to do the right thing.

I think your answer is that the family is terrified of one of the parents of the cousin. For whatever reason this has resulted in the exclusion, probably because they didn't want to leave money they could somehow get hold off.

Normally I'm a share person but you're right about there been time to change things and the person being of sound mind.

Exactly this.
What was left to your ex and his sister?

Ah, so the child's parent wants 33k in cash effectively that is in no way protected for their young child.

IF your children were to gift anything, it would absolutely need to go into a trust fund of some sort for the child. The parent clearly is eyeing up a new kitchen, holiday etc.

Your adult child is perfectly within their rights to not share their inheritance out. Make sure the younger one isn't bullied into it

Your children should keep all the money they were left. This is what the deceased relative wanted. Your MIL should keep her beak out. If she thinks it is unfair then she can give your children’s cousin some money either now or when she dies.

It was the deceaseds money not the family and the deceased made their decision and set it out in a correct legal way. Mil can correct that in her will if she wishes. Don't let your children be denied what is legally theirs.

Absolutely none of your post matters.

A Will is a legal document that MUST be followed. Any disagreement needs to be done via a court/judge.

You may like to think you're a good person but this message tends to suggest you're a past master of the passive aggressive response. You've jumped to a conclusion here on partial facts. The OP's fuller responses make it clear that the good people here are her two sons, and for once the good people have come into a windfall as a direct result of being nice to someone else. Giving some of the money to the cousin's parents so that they don't cause a nasty scene is not the act of a good person, it's giving in to bullying and ignoring the clearly expressed views of the deceased.

If your eldest has made up their mind then leave it at that. If they are hassling you then a firm "its not my money or decision and Im not getting involved" should end it. You should be more concerned about what your DC will do with the money, i.e. not buy a ferrari.

Watch next for your ex MIL and FIL threatening to leave your kids out of their wills.

Who is this relative in relation to your DH? Is it an uncle /aunt?

Given the update: nope. The bequeath is because your sons sound absolutely fabulous, and have been helping their relative out. The money is theirs.

Im talking it the cousin was born before the will was written? That would 100% cement my opinion.

I would say no, ex MIL can adjust her will to even things up if she's that bothered.

Also direct her to speak to her son (your kids Dad) about it not you!

You do know you can read all the OP's posts on a thread? All this information has been provided.

It seems very clear that your boys were the intended recipients and that was the wish of he family member. The child is ten and you say the man was sick for a year so he could have changed it if he had wanted to.

Your DC are fine to keep the money as willed and if that's what they want to do then support them.

At most I would consider putting 10k into an ISA for the cousin and younger ds also putting in 10k when he is able, to gift to the cousin at 18. There is no way on earth that DS should give 33k "to the cousin" that the child will probably never see.

the entire family is terrified of one of the parents of the cousin, and they will kick up a stink.

I wonder if that is why the relative left the cousin out of the will? S/he maybe just doesn't like that side of the family, apparently with good reason.