To think DS and I are not in the wrong? Will related…

[IfIHadAHeart]

A relative of my exH died recently and has left a fairly substantial inheritance to my DCs. This has some as a complete surprise. One of my DCs is over 18 but the other is not.

The relative has not left anything to my DCs cousin. No idea why, or whether the will might even predate the cousin’s birth. If so, there were still many years in which to update the will if the relative had wanted to, and they were of sound mind throughout.

exMIL believes my DC should split their inheritance with the cousin. She believes my eldest DC should give the majority of their share to the cousin upon receiving the money, and that my youngest DC should then top up eldest when they turn 18 and can access the funds.

Eldest DC has said no, with my backing. I’m now getting rather unpleasant messages from my exH, MIL and SIL (parent of the excluded cousin) about the unfairness of it all and that my DC are selfish.

AIBU to support eldest DC to stand their ground?

Have you considered suggesting DS blocks the people messaging him? I also think you should, as you're getting abuse.

I think you need to support your DS but encourage him NOT to give money to this cousin. Otherwise he will be bullied and harangued by his Dad’s family time and time again in the future about all sorts.

If Emily is crying, it’s her parents fault for telling her that her cousin won’t give her money that she has absolutely no call on whatsoever.

Goodness, wills don't half bring out the grabby nasty side of people (have seen terrible behaviour up close from two former friends that showed completely different sides to them).

OP, my view is it's the will of the deceased so it stands. No one has entitlement to any inheritance except what the deceased chooses to leave.

I'd suggest blocking the ex-family numbers on your DC phones because guilt tripping and harassment of youngsters is completely unacceptable. You need to be shielding your DC from this or if they end up feeling guilted into giving in it could impact your own relationship with them in years to come.

This !
Whatever anyone thinks about the ‘unfairness’, the proposed solution doesn’t seem remotely fair on your dc, or on the person who left the will.
There is clearly a reason why your dc have been left money specifically, and the other younger cousin not. Even if you don’t know the reason, it is there and the money is legally and morally your children’s and nobody should be trying to coerce them to give it to someone deliberately excluded.

100% ^^

That “if” is doing a lot of heavy lifting.

The date isn’t all that relevant. Perhaps it was written before the cousin was born but they chose to leave it as drafted due to the fact OP’s DCs were involved with them later? You can twist it any way you want but the will is the only record of intent, so it needs to stand and the assumption needs to be that the will reflects what was wanted, not that the deceased was a bit lax or stupid and forgot to update it.

Even if there were going to be a redistribution, this would be a bonkers way of doing it.

Im not saying it should be but clearly the eldest should keep their 34k (saying a bit extra as any money saved for younger ones will get interest) and give a 16k into the youngest’s savings, then they get a further 17k when your youngest gets to 18, meaning the two youngest get £33k plus interest (which will actually lead to them having more, so you could adjust the figures a bit more in favour of eldest)

But no need for younger cousin to be given any if it’s not in the will. No one can expect an inheritance!

The money from a will isn’t distributed straight away . It has to be left with the solicitor in case someone thinks they have a right to the money and comes forward . Once the amount of time has passed it then gets distributed . If they thought the cousin had a right to the money they should have said back then. I’d say tough , if your son wants to gift some then up to him .

There’s nothing you can do about it. The beneficiary who is over 18 can decide for himself what to do. The youngest’s can’t be touched now and when s/he is 18 will be in the same position as your eldest is now. Tell them all to get fucked and not mention it again.

Why is a 10 or 11 year old crying ? Who tld them that the nasty person didnt leave them any money? Honestlythis gets worse. Do NOT 'encourage' your DC to give it away, it is theirs - I think you will find with this family be kind only works one way. Please stand firm and support your DC who is absolutely right.

OP, you’re a better person than I am. I’m afraid the abuse and attempted emotional blackmail would harden my resolve to encourage my DC to keep what they have been bequeathed.
"Emily" is no worse off this week than she was last week. If she is upset it is the fault of her parents for encouraging her to think she has been cheated out of something that in fact she never had a right to in the first place.
I wonder whether part of her parents' anger, even if they don't admit it to themselves, is anger with themselves and regret for not maintaining contact between them, their daughter and the deceased (even if it would have been for motives of pure greed).

How old is “Emily”? If she’s much younger than your DC2, who is young enough to need a trust, she must be awfully young. For her to understand inheritance and how the implications are going to “ruin her life” (and be sobbing about it)—she must know a lot about finances, the housing ladder, etc, at such a young age. Very suss indeed.

Absolutely the #BeKind only works one way. I wouldn’t be surprised if GPs change their will to reflect this, and even if your DC hands over their rightful inheritance, the GPs will could remain unbalanced. Will “Emily” hand over her share if this is the case? 🤔

Sounds like Emily’s parents have been banking on this money coming in and are peed off.
I agree with your son, a person’s wishes should be respected.

And what happens if your younger child decided not to share their part with the older one when the time comes?! Could happen

I just noticed she’s 10 or 11. No way in hell does she understand any of this, nor would she be sobbing that her life is over. Unless her parents fed her this narrative.

They’re all toxic AF.

I was going to say this too. Make this suggestion and you have shut down any argument. I hope that your DC enjoy their inheritance.

It's up to your son's to decide but I think it would be fair if they did share their inheritance with their cousin. Not in the way suggested by your mother in law though.
Eg if the inheritance is split into three. if it was 30000 they all get 10000 each instead of your son's getting 15k each so your eldest son gives his cousin 5k now and keeps the other 10 and then your youngest son gives his cousin the remaining 5k when he inherits it. It's not fair for your son to give more than his fair share to his cousin now.

The person who writes the will has made their decision, maybe your children make more of an effort with the person who left them money, maybe have more contact.

i certainly wouldn’t be encouraging my children to bow down to demands and manipulation or any other tactics the in-laws are using, however this could affect your children’s relationship with the in-laws as they may now favour the other cousin.

personally if one of my cousins was left out I would have shared it but I wouldn’t share if I was demanded to share it by family members.

He’s had messages telling him that “Emily” has been crying about it because her future is ruined

Nuts.... this is not okay...

It sounds like if your DC didnt exist it would have all gone to the donkey sanctuary anyway... so what's their problem your children deprived Emily of nothing and I'd be highlighting that.

I believe that it's possible to write a deed of variation with regard to a will, so long as all inheritors agree.

The gifting rule refers to the 3k a year that can be given away without being considered for inheritance tax. You can actually give more than that, but must live for 7 years beyond that to avoid inheritance tax coming in to play. If you don't survive the 7 years, then there's a sliding scale of tax that has to be paid (from the estate of the person who has given it).

‘Emily’ crying over her future being ruined is outright emotional blackmail. It sounds like nobody could have predicted how the estate would be divided so there’s no way ‘Emily’ would have been counting on this money becoming hers. If she really has cried about it then that is down to the absolute nonsense fed to her from her grabby parents and grandparents!

Why? Why should they share? Why should they go against the wishes of the deceased? Why should they financially reduce their own future possibilities just because someone is sulking and demanding? Do you seriously think the cousin would share if she was the only one who inherited? I can guarantee not.

I'd share out of fairness but that's just me .

Fair to who?