To think DS and I are not in the wrong? Will related…

[IfIHadAHeart]

A relative of my exH died recently and has left a fairly substantial inheritance to my DCs. This has some as a complete surprise. One of my DCs is over 18 but the other is not.

The relative has not left anything to my DCs cousin. No idea why, or whether the will might even predate the cousin’s birth. If so, there were still many years in which to update the will if the relative had wanted to, and they were of sound mind throughout.

exMIL believes my DC should split their inheritance with the cousin. She believes my eldest DC should give the majority of their share to the cousin upon receiving the money, and that my youngest DC should then top up eldest when they turn 18 and can access the funds.

Eldest DC has said no, with my backing. I’m now getting rather unpleasant messages from my exH, MIL and SIL (parent of the excluded cousin) about the unfairness of it all and that my DC are selfish.

AIBU to support eldest DC to stand their ground?

Then this is the question you need to ask.

Because it seems absolutely like this is why they feel all 3 children should be treated the same.

And there's no argument for "but my children had this lovely relationship" because they didn't if they were 2yrs old. They just happened to be the children that were alive.

If the will was written after the cousin was born, very different context.

It’s fine - it is quite a convoluted chain of relations! And exactly why I was surprised for my DC to be receiving anything.

@IfIHadAHeart I hope the executor is strong and well and truly arm's length from those people.

I think how you’re handling this is the correct way to go OP. Any replies will just fan the flames of their craziness.

If I were you I would be more concerned about who holds the money in trust for DC2.

Laughably wrong. It isn’t family’ money in which her ex husband has any rights at all it’s her children’s money. She is quite right to stick up for children especially as her ex cannot be trusted to observe the terms of the will.

please take account of a PP who is a solicitor and make sure it isn’t given to your ex.

If anyone tinkers with the distribution of my assets as detailed in my Will I'll come back and haunt them. It's not up to anyone other than the testator to decide what happens to their money.

I understand your point. Unfortunately the reality is that the will could have been written a fortnight ago and exPIL would be behaving in the same way - it’s just who they are.

I don’t really want to engage with them. Once probate is granted or DC physically see the will we can establish the date. Perhaps that will make DC feel differently, perhaps it won’t.

just a thought be careful what say atm until after the funeral. Be prepared & have answers for the day eg im sorry not appropriate to be discussing money today it’s disrespectful. Once got solicitors details managing probate just block them & deal direct. And reiterate that your kids spent a lot of time doing chores for them.

@IfIHadAHeart who is the executor? Have they been in touch with you or are you just getting all this from your ex ILs?

I'm of the opinion that a will should be followed, unless the beneficiaries want to share with others of their own free will. It's not up to a third party (your ex-MIL, or the cousin) to tell the beneficiaries what to do with their money.

Tell MIL she can even up the situation in her own will, if she feels so strongly about it.

haven't RTFT (bad bad poster that I am) but this. I bet if the will had left all (or anything for that matter) to the cousin and none to the OP's kids, then she would not be so keen on sharing!

There was a similar will thread yesterday. There are a depressing number of mothers who (in theory at least) seem happy to spend their children's money and fuck over their children's future in order to be seen as a 'good person' and 'kind' and 'fair'.

YANBU OP, defend your children and the money that is legally, rightfully, morally theirs.

It does come across that you suspect this is the case, and don't want to have to address this.

Because being able to say "they chose not to include a child they could have" is a very different thing to "my 2yo and 6yo children were the only ones alive, so that's why they were included".

The former, is categorically going against the wishes of the deceased.

The latter is demonstrative that the will would have included the youngest child.

If it's the latter, you can still of course technically refuse to share with the youngest child. Depends if your children value keeping money through a technicality over a relationship with their cousin

Wow I'd never dream of pestering a relative for a share of an inheritance. Sounds like the deceased made a clear plan for their estate.

Given that the cousin's parent physically assaulted OP, I am guessing they are not close!

I would encourage them to give a gift to their cousin but nothing like what mil demands. Say £5k.

I’m a good person. That is why I would follow to the letter the wishes of the deceased person, because that is the morally and legally correct thing to do.

I can’t believe your exH is pressuring his own child in this way, via you. I can see why he’s an ex.

A will are the wishes of the deceased. Tell your mil, no. It is your dc money they do not want to share. Regardless the money your youngest as inherited as you say is being held in trust, so no one can touch that. Life is tough sometimes, but l would say no, definitely not.

honestly OP, my usual advice. Comment/discuss it as little as possible with the Mil. Say something like "We will be following the terms of the will", rinse and repeat. Do not try to explain or excuse the terms of the will in terms of sayng things like "my kids did chores" "its a recent will" all explanation and defence does is allows the other person (mil) to continue the argument.

Good people don't make barbed comments that imply nasty, negative value judgements about other people's choices.

Nobody is a bad person for not doing the same as you, ehich is what your post implied. Currently you're just virtue signalling because it's very easy to spend other people money.

If you don't want to split the money fair enough.

If you do want to split the money then you need to do it via a deed if variation officially. Not just sort among yourselves

To name 2 people and a charity, while excluding a sibling, sounds very deliberate. Looks like the visits and help your DCs provided was appreciated.

Was your divorce difficult and leave DCs financially disadvantaged? Maybe the relative saw that and what lovely DCs you have and was able to financially compensate.

I wouldn’t be encouraging them to share their money. Block exPIL and if exH is being difficult, switch contract to a parenting app and report any threatening messages.

They are her children. What do you want her to do, stand back and watch them get shafted ? It’s irrelevant whose side of the family the money comes from. The only thing that mattered is that the wishes of the deceased are followed. Otherwise what’s the point in making a will in the first place ? From what OP has said l don’t think the cousin is related by blood to the deceased so that may have been a factor in the decision.

The deceased isn’t a biological relation of any of the cousins and they chose to leave a proportion of their estate to charity.

This isn’t a case of splitting inheritance fairly amongst family, it’s a person who chose your DC as individuals that she wanted to benefit. Presumably because she had a good relationship with them. Maybe she also felt they would put the money to good use.

What I am trying to say, is that your DC should stand their ground & keep the money. Just be wary about who the executor is, so the money is actually distributed according to the will.