To think they could have/should have brought something

[BurnoutGP]

I am in hospital after major (planned surgery). DD1 age 25 will be looking after me (she lives at home for a small rent that cover everything). She has had to take some time off work (unpaid).
I am fiercely independent and have brought in my own squash/snacks etc. The 2 other people in my room have had visitors all day bringing lovely fresh fruit/sweets/drinks etc. DD1 visited this evening bringing my stepmother (very close ben in my life since I was 14. Father died few years ago)
They came empty handed. There is a lovely M+S in the concourse of the hospital they would have walked past it when they came in. But hey ho. Except DD1 started on my bag of snacks eating 2 without even asking. So I very sarcastically told them off and said not only did you not bring me even a M+S fruit snack you're now eating the snacks I bought in. Im pretty immobile.
They then said oh do you want us to go get you something. I said well it really defeats the purposes if you have to be told. And it would have been almost closed.
AIBU to be hurt and disappointed and a spoilt brat
IANBU they should have brought something.
DD1 is usually pretty good but can be a bit self absorbed and they are very used to me being super capable and doing everything. I am now a bit worried what her "looking after" is going to look like....

My BIL never married and was in hospital for almost the first 3 months of this year . His sister who works full time visited him most days taking him a sandwich for his lunch . My DD who works full time nights in the hospital that he was in , also visited most days . She did all his washing and made sure he had clean underwear and pyjamas every day . Her husband who also works in the hospital often took him a bacon or sausage sandwich for breakfast along with a Costa coffee . My DD often cooked an evening meal for him . I only visited him once a week but never went empty handed . He never had to ask for anything. His family went above and beyond. This is what families do .

I know I'm in the minority here but I would never go to visit someone in the hospital and not take something with me. I would also ask them if there was anything they needed or wanted for when I next came in but I also take other things that I thought would be nice/ a treat etc. I don't know whether it's different in England but here in Northern Ireland it's the way it's done by the majority of people

I spent 8 days in hosp and a few of my mates - that I asked not to come because I'd be out soon - turned up anyway with lucozade and grapes because it's the law, crisps, sandwiches, drinks, a plant, new PJs, chocolate and other sweet things and repeatedly asked if I wanted anything to eat they could just nip and get it. My cousin turned up with a massive Subway sandwich because "hospital food is shit" and I had to force down a couple of bites so she didn't feel bad! Then she said "I knew you was hungry!" 😂😂😂

Thoughtless behaviour on their part.

I know I'm probably in the minority but I definitely would prefer a visitor over things

Seriously, they’re not obliged to bring you anything and seemed more than willing to fetch you some snacks if you had asked them ? I appreciate you’re probably feeling miserable and in need of cheering up but focussing on the gifts they didn’t bring rather than them visiting you isn’t a healthy or helpful mindset to have

I always take something if visiting but it is hard to know what is appropriate depending on what the patient likes/is allowed. I think I would feel a bit sorry for myself too if I saw other visitors bringing their loved ones treats. It’s a bit like seeing everyones valentines flowers on social
media when you didn’t get any yourself 😬
Get well soon 😊

Whenever my mum was in hospital (fairly common on the latter years of her life), she would ask me to bring in whatever it was she wanted. Pointless me taking something she didn't want.

I think that your daughter stayed eating your snacks without asking you first. Is bang out of order and says something about her.

Because it’s a custom to take something when someone’s in hospital.
I think if your Mum visited you at Christmas and didn’t bring a present you wouldn’t say this.
It’s so obvious, it really isn’t worth discussing!

Yes but that isn’t the choice is it?

Yes it’s the same in England too! I think it’s a silly thread. People are just nitpicking.

That is your opinion. I would ask if anything was wanted but not bring anything extra. Have you seen the tiny amount of storage hospital patients have? The last thing I would want to fill it up with is unwanted or needless gifts.

People are in hospital for a very short time now though and whilst they are in they are seriously ill usually so not continually eating sweets and biscuits as often very little appetite and best eating proper food. Save the presents for when people get home

I wouldn't dream of visiting someone in hospital without bringing something..hospital is stressful & can be a lonely place so any little thing to relieve that is a good thing imo.

A family member had a long stint in hospital & i visited often & always brought something. Usually the paper & a bottle of cold water / soft drink & some mints they liked. Often a sandwich or piece of cake to break the monotony of hospital food. Othertimes a book or a magazine, bar of chocotate, packet of biscuits.

They had a LOT of visitors over the period they were there & they all brought some little thing & all of it was appreciated & my family member shared with others on the ward who had few or no visitors & they were delighted with the treats too

Hope you feel better soon.

I think young people don’t know what it is like to be in hospital - she will have been worried but that doesn’t make you thoughtful or knowledgeable about etiquette (or how bad the food is).

This recovery time allows for a bit of a rebalance - you can be fiercely independent and still vulnerable. You are obviously close and both lovely but sounds like you are always the adult still? Tell her now you are miserable, a bit jealous of the visitors and gifts for the person opposite and in need of some good biscuits and a cuddle. It’s hard to be honest when you are used to managing and that sudden feeling that you want to be cared for takes you by surprise. Get well soon

As you say, that’s your opinion.
The art is to bring something interesting at the time but won’t last. As another poster says, a newspaper and a bottle of of water. Grapes were always the traditional gift. As someone else says, sweets can be shared with other beds in the ward.
It’s about relieving the boredom isn’t it?
I understand some people won’t want the fuss, but most will appreciate the thoughtfulness.

I would always take a couple of magazines and a few healthy treats to someone in hospital. We're not all the same unfortunately OP. Hope you're OK x

I'm with you OP......I'd definitely have been disappointed too. Ignore the idiots on here who obviously have nothing better to do!
I hope you had a decent night's sleep and I wish you a speedy recovery. 💐

It's not because people are thoughtless.
When people didn't have mobile phones, they brought whatever they thought would be welcome. They even did surprise visits! Shiver 🙀
Soon everyone has a mobile, you just ask. Some people continued old way out of habit but there are fewer and fewer.
You really can't expect people who had mobile phones most of their lives, live like in 1990's. That was last time when everyone brought something without being asked.

Unfortunately op IME we are now in the era of people not being able to use their initiative. Everything has to be requested, spelled out, explicitly asked for etc.

It's nice to bring something, but if someone is very independent and capable I might assume they are ok, and hospital stays are often not very long at all so it may be unnecessary. Also there isn't an awful lot of space by a hospital bed always these days so you might not want to clutter someone up. Or they may just not have thought of it, being unused to hospital visiting. Either way, I wouldn't read much into it, and just ask if you want something.

It just goes to show what very different people we are!
I was in hospital with pneumonia about few years ago. I was certainly not bored. I had a book and WiFi. I don’t eat out of boredom and I certainly didn’t want to start conversations with the other patients by offering goodies. I did offer to get them all a hot drink though. I was the only one who could get out of bed.
I have already explained up thread why grapes are not a suitable gift for someone in hospital. I dislike any toiletries except the ones I use and can bring those with me. I have an online subscription to my newspaper.
I am quite surprised that the OP, being a GP, did not get a private room as I thought most hospitals thought it unprofessional to have a doctor in bed possibly next to a patient.

Comparison is the thief of joy! As you are now finding out. Also, the other patients visitors might be right selfish twats at home and are only doing it for appearances!

Confused by this comment. Just my preference I would prefer a visitor to things, a visitor who brings the things I ask is a bonus

Have you considered that the things brought in for other patients might be things they asked them to bring in?