To be annoyed at MIL

[lefdlx]

My MIL and her partner have been together for a couple of years. During that time we have only met her partner a handful of times and our DD ( 21 months old ) has spent only a little more time with him than us.

There has being a couple times where we have asked if she can watch our DD, a few times she has suggested us leaving her with her partner until she is home from work. We declined on each occasion and just said we’ll drop her when she is home.

We asked if she could have her overnight for the first time a couple of weeks ago. She agreed and was looking forward to it. We dropped her and all was fine.

I was then woke to a message at 5am saying “ just to let you know childsname was fine when I left for work at 4, she hadn’t woke up once “ we was obviously shocked because there was no mention to us at all about her having to go to work early hours. We’d of picked our child up after our meal if we’d of known.

AIBU to be upset by this , and I am in the wrong for calling her out ? Our daughter still has nights where she wakes and is unsettled. MIL is completely adamant that she has done no wrong, and that we are in the wrong.

3 weeks later and my partner has only just heard from MIL again, starting off with “ I’m not apologising because I’ve done anything wrong but I think we need to clear the air “

My MIL used to look after my baby 1 day a week whilst I worked. Baby would sleep 3 hours in the day and MIL would do the gardening. I hit the bloody roof when I discovered she’d left an odd-job man to roam the house for 3 hours - doing jobs - whilst my baby slept and she was outside potting plants with no view of baby or odd-job man.

Some people are just really thick and believe no one is a pedophile.

In my eyes when dh is babysitting say his nephew it’s his job to be here babysitting. Not mine.

That means if we need something from the shop I go because he is the one who is supposed to be looking after the child.

Same with mil. If I asked her to watch dd I’d expect her to be watching dd. If I said could you guys watch dd then both. But otherwise I’m asking a particular person to be in charge of my child.

This is exactly what I said to my partner. She has pushed for him to have her whilst she has been working during the day multiple times and we have always declined.

She knew your boundaries and still did it. That would be the first and last time she was alone with my child.

id also be keeping my distance, I wouldn’t want her apology,

Of course you're not unreasonable to not want your baby left in the care of a man you barely know. If your MIL doesn't understand that, you can't leave the baby with her again, end of.

That really weird, pushing for her boyfriend to have lone access to your baby.
The boyfriend, if he was normal would have said 'obviously it's completely inappropriate for me to babysit their baby, so you'll have to change your shift'

How are you going to prevent this happening again, is your boyfriend on board?

You don’t think the MIL should’ve said I’ve got work in the morning so it’ll be partner looking after once I leave?

Wow! You’re off the chart!

^ exactly. I assumed she would have said that she couldn’t have her if she was working. Like most other people would. And then purposely didn’t mention it ( we stayed for about half an hour when dropping her and nothing was mentioned ) it was literally her first time staying over there. And MIL kept saying how excited she was to have her overnight for the first time

Did you see OPs most recent* post? The woman has been pushing for her boyfriend to have solo access to the baby multiple
times

(it was the most recent reply from her when I was typing this!)

THIS. Have a doctor visually check your baby for external signs of abuse

You knew ahe had a partner so stop using her for babysitting if you are not happy with them it is really simple

Has your husband said to her why do you want our baby when you’re not even there?!

Well yes I do know this. But I didn’t know she’d be left alone with him !?

She has pushed for him to have her whilst she has been working multiple times

Giant red flags.

Wow! You’re dangerously naive

Yes let’s blame the OP. How unreasonable of her to think that if someone agrees to looking after your child and seems thrilled to do so, that they’d actually be the one looking them!

I wouldn’t like what she’s done either, but if you don’t ask her if she’s working and just ask her to babysit, then it’s not entirely on her.

Communication from both of you needs to be better.

Sorry, why don't you know her partner after 2 years?

I’m really not. Him being a danger is one thing, but accusing the MIL of setting something like this up is totally mind boggling.

Yes, it does seem intentional doesn't it. YANBU

Sounds like a lovely bloke to have access to kids . . . 🙄

She did set it up, if you view all OPs replies

If i leave my child with someone I trust their judgement otherwise I don't leave the child with them

But thia conspiracy theories are insane

But you only have the ops version of all this