To be annoyed at MIL

[lefdlx]

My MIL and her partner have been together for a couple of years. During that time we have only met her partner a handful of times and our DD ( 21 months old ) has spent only a little more time with him than us.

There has being a couple times where we have asked if she can watch our DD, a few times she has suggested us leaving her with her partner until she is home from work. We declined on each occasion and just said we’ll drop her when she is home.

We asked if she could have her overnight for the first time a couple of weeks ago. She agreed and was looking forward to it. We dropped her and all was fine.

I was then woke to a message at 5am saying “ just to let you know childsname was fine when I left for work at 4, she hadn’t woke up once “ we was obviously shocked because there was no mention to us at all about her having to go to work early hours. We’d of picked our child up after our meal if we’d of known.

AIBU to be upset by this , and I am in the wrong for calling her out ? Our daughter still has nights where she wakes and is unsettled. MIL is completely adamant that she has done no wrong, and that we are in the wrong.

3 weeks later and my partner has only just heard from MIL again, starting off with “ I’m not apologising because I’ve done anything wrong but I think we need to clear the air “

Tbh ID reply to him that yeah, it's pretty noncey behaviour to be trying to get a little girl alone without her parents permission. And your MIL lying and manipulating situations to get your daughter alone with him is highly concerning. Add in the defensiveness and anger, yeah I'd say it's super suspect and dangerous behaviour.

A normal person would 1. Check that it would be ok with you in the first place. And 2. He very apologetic and embarrassed at being called out on it.

I also wouldn't entertain a conversation that starts with "I'm not apologising because I've done nothing wrong" k bye.

I’d want to meet with them to understand their fears, to make sure they were comfortable with me. I wouldn’t shout and swear at them.

The vast majority of posts are exactly this.

I suppose it depends which threads you follow. I don’t think the majority of posts I read are complaining about another person’s behaviour.
But it makes no odds anyhow. Regardless, you need to bear in mind that the OP is giving the story from her perspective and likely being quite economical with the truth, perhaps unintentionally. It makes me cringe when numerous posters take the post as ‘the truth’ just because OP said so. They then rush to say the other party is ‘evil’ etc, go NC etc etc. Probably if the person being portrayed as a demon read it, they would be horrified. All the same, I think it’s fine to read and comment so long as you understand this is only one person’s version, and perhaps what they liked to think what happened, not what actually happened. 🙂
As we all know some are fiction anyhow, but that’s often obvious.

So you were already worried that he might harm your daughter but you thought as long as mil was there it would be ok. If he was that way inclined her being there wouldn’t have made a difference he’d have found a way. Your desire for child free time made you take a calculated risk but you took a risk and now you’ve found out the risk was greater than you imagined because he had more opportunity because she left him with your daughter. You can never account for what goes on in someone else’s home. When you send your child into someone else’s home you take a risk. You don’t know who’s coming in and out of that home and you never really know what they’re capable of. I’m sure the parents of the children that stayed at that GPs home at the beginning of October thought they were quite safe as well but you can’t tell. Look after your own kid. That said mil is also in the wrong as she should have given you the option of saying no instead of pulling the wool.