Not invited to engagement party

[Neeseynoo]

My partner (on/off for 5yrs but back on for last few months, and we live together) has been invited to the engagement party of the daughter of one of his best friends, but I have not as "partners not allowed due to keeping cost down".
For context - I have met the friend in question and his wife on a couple of occasions but has he has been a friend of partner since school and they catch up every couple of months or so. Partner knows daughter very well.
All of partners other friends will be there - as couples, they all married and have been friends for long time.
The friend and wife are paying for the party, so would have quite a bit of influence about who could attend.
I guess the "no partners rule" is aimed at possibly work friends of engaged couples and I do know that they are trying to keep it to 200 people but can't help feel quite upset that my partner seems to think It's ok to leave me on my own for Saturday night (he works shifts and we do not usually have much time together on week day evenings, so our weekends are special. He will be the only one in his large friend group who will be on his own. Am I right to feel a bit snubbed ok

Of course you wouldn't be prioritized if the family are trying to limit numbers. You have only met the parents a couple of times and have you ever met the engaged couple?

Of course you wouldn't be prioritized if the family are trying to limit numbers. You have only met the parents a couple of times and have you ever met the engaged couple?

It’s his friend’s daughter’s engagement party, I’m surprised your partner’s invited even, what a non-event.

The other couples are all married.

You are on and off with him, and have only just been back on again for the last few months.

YABU.

Who knows when you’ll next be off again and whether you’ll ever be back on again?

Your relationship isn’t reliable enough to qualify you as his long-term partner and warrant you being treated the same as the other wives.

The no ring, no bring policy enables people who are not seriously committed to meet someone who they might be genuinely attracted to, long term..
A wedding is a great opportunity for your boyfriend to meet someone who will not be on/off. Would you like to be solid with him?
Is that realistic?
It will, at least force your boyfriend to think deeply about where your relationship will go, from his point of view.

Your bigger issue is why you’re wasting your life in an on/off relationship for 5 years. It’s clearly not working.

Tell him not to go and see the reaction!

You’re just jealous he’s been invited and not you. Just be prepared to not being invited to the wedding also if they’re keeping costs down. Grow up OP I’m sure you can spent one Saturday on your own you’re a grown adult !

What the snub has done is highlight a problem with your “on off” relationship. You think you’re in a relationship and no one else does, not even your “on off” partner. You are an option and it’s time to take a closer look at that. You say you live together, how does that work on and off? It sounds very unhealthy and I would be sceptical about what your ‘partner’ tells people about your relationship status.

Seems like your partner and his friend have a much more stable relationship than you do with your partner amd thats probably the reason you're not invited.
Equally your partner has been in the life of his friends daughter far longer than you have been with your on off relationship so is very entitled to attend and celebrate the happy occasion.
Fi d something else to do that night. I am just wondering if this type of question from you is part of the reason for your instable relationship 🤔

my partner seems to think It's ok to leave me on my own for Saturday night
I can see why you've been on / off for 5 years. One Saturday night alone is perfectly normal... you don't know these people, why would you be going?

Seriously OP, get a grip.

I hate being a plus one when I don’t know anyone. I’d be relieved! Enjoy the night in on your own.

my partner seems to think It's ok to leave me on my own for Saturday night

Of course it is. I find it strange that you want to go to your sometimes-boyfriend's mate's daughter's engagement party tbh. Yes, you live together now but only for a few months. You're being unreasonable.

200 invites, look at averages …. Not my figures…

**Count on about 2/3rds — so around 130–140 people.

But always plan for 150 max — better to have a little too much food/drink than not enough! **

they don’t like you and don’t want you there . Unfortunately that’s about it .

One can understand you feel snubbed however this makes it easier it you get engaged/married they would not be invited keeping your numbers down 😅

I guess they're entitled to invite who they want. It's not personal. It's fine to do things without each other

I think it was mean not to invite you when all the other partners are going. The fact that you have been on/off at times is really not relevant in my view.

Of course it's okay for your partner to "leave you alone" on a Saturday night. Absolutely ridiculous that you think it isn't. You sound controlling.

Have you ever thought about what your partner may have shared with his friend in terms of your relationship.. If you're on and off all the time, it means he has shared this with his friend who then doesn't see you as a significant other, for all you know, your partner could have even described you as a F buddy... I would see beyond the picture.. You're a grown woman, enjoy your life woman!

200 people? Just for an engagement party? Think you’ve dodged a bullet there! Enjoy the evening on your own.

If numbers are limited and you've been on/off and only recently got back together that's not unreasonable.
It should be fine for your DP to go to events without you. If not, then there could be something you need to work on in the relationship.
It's also possible they don't like you or believe you might make a scene /break up again beforehand, depending on your history. Your DP might have been talking smack about you while you were split up!

But 200 people???
That’s a big party for just an engagement.

With that size of crowd, I think it’s weird that you’ve not been included and I’d be a tad suspicious.

Your reaction seems quite absurd - to me anyway. How do you deal with real problems?

Get yourself a bottle of wine, some snacks and your favourite show. Youll have a better time.