Not invited to engagement party

[Neeseynoo]

My partner (on/off for 5yrs but back on for last few months, and we live together) has been invited to the engagement party of the daughter of one of his best friends, but I have not as "partners not allowed due to keeping cost down".
For context - I have met the friend in question and his wife on a couple of occasions but has he has been a friend of partner since school and they catch up every couple of months or so. Partner knows daughter very well.
All of partners other friends will be there - as couples, they all married and have been friends for long time.
The friend and wife are paying for the party, so would have quite a bit of influence about who could attend.
I guess the "no partners rule" is aimed at possibly work friends of engaged couples and I do know that they are trying to keep it to 200 people but can't help feel quite upset that my partner seems to think It's ok to leave me on my own for Saturday night (he works shifts and we do not usually have much time together on week day evenings, so our weekends are special. He will be the only one in his large friend group who will be on his own. Am I right to feel a bit snubbed ok

You've been on and off, and you've only been back on for the last few months? I wouldn't be expected to be invited to family events - particularly his children - in this situation.

Has your relationship been on and off because he sees other women?
Is that your real concern?

You are right for feeling snubbed but its okay to feel snubbed sometimes, if it was me I would feel snubbed but I would just accept it. Just think, It doesn't happen everyday, it's a one off and it wasnt your partner's decision so its not worth having any bad feelings between you both just for this.
You understand they want to keep costs down and its out of your control. You or your partner demanding you can go would be worse.

Use that Saturday to spoil yourself, go shopping or do your favourite thing, buy something for yourself, cook your favourite food, do a beauty treatment or arrange a fun day / night with a friend. Dont waste any more energy thinking about it.

Gosh, I wouldn't be interested in going to any of my friends' children's engagement parties (not that they've had them). But we didn't have an engagement party ourselves, in the Eighties, anyway, so I suppose it's just different strokes for different folks.

How have you determined that they'd have influence because they're paying for it?

Are you sure he isn't just saying this because he doesn't view you 2 seriously? Either that or he isn't willing to tell them you are when he's been told no invite for you.

Engagement parties are naff as fuck!! They only do it for the gifts!!

You’ve dodged a bullet!

You're the on and off partner of a few years of one of the parents' friends. You've only met the friend a couple of times. That's not a close relationship. 🙄

You're being way, way, way too entitled here. You don't really know the friend, much less the friend's kid whose engagement it is.

Snubbed, sheesh. You don't even know these people!

I would guess someone who is making the decisions has a thing about people being married- it's now quite common to be in a very long term relationship without being married- I would guess that offends someone who organised it.

Key point here is that you've not met the daughter. Her parents may well be hosting, but why would you expect/want to be at the celebration of the engagement of a couple you have never met?

When I got married, our parents asked to invite some friends (people either of us had known growing up). Where we didn't know those people as part of their "couple" (married or not), we only invited the person we knew and our parents were fine with this. I didn't want strangers at a personal life event celebration!

You are being unreasonable here, even more so because your relationship is not one that seems solid from an outward perspective, given the on-off nature. It's normal to do things separately as a couple; a strong relationship can withstand one Saturday night apart!

So like when a child is left out and the parent is advised to take them out for a special day? OP is presumably a grown adult who can entertain themselves for one Saturday.

How is she not going to think about it if she is going to have to have a special day instead?

OP hasnt returned since original post. Consider that a hint!!

I would make my own plans tbh.

You have such a distant connection to the engaged couple, it would not bother me at all.

So you haven't met the daughter who the party is for? I think that is probably the biggest factor here, wouldn't it feel weird to attend not knowing her?

200 people for an engagement party

Jeysus

I must be very different to you as this is a clear cut win win.
Party of someone you don’t know with 200 people there OR night on the sofa with Netflix/takeaway of your choice/chocs OR get some friends round/go out with friends!
I would prefer to cut my neighbours toenails than go to a party of people I don’t know with 200 other people.
and who has engagement parties any more? Didn’t they thankfully die out in the 90s?

I'd suggest you've been snubbed as they have based the engagement do list on who will come to the wedding as a part of rhe wider engagement bubble. Don't worry weddings are so expensive it wont be personal, it'll probably be a case of if they start inviting plus ones for one person they barely know where do they draw the line? A distant cousins new gf? A teenage second cousins on and off boyfriend? I'd have the ultimate girly night in! Candle, takeaway, good tv series and silence- bliss!!! Xx

Same here.
I should add that DH often works Saturday nights but I wouldn’t feel abandoned in some way if he went to a wedding without me. This would be especially so if I didn’t really know the people getting married myself.
I think the bigger issue is the on/off- ness of the relationship which is perhaps why this has taken on greater significance. That’s the thing to work through more fully.

You’ve met them but don’t really know them by the sounds of it. If you are on and off then they are probably trying to avoid having to snip people out of photos of the night.

my husband got invited to a wedding and I wasn’t. Met the lad once or twice… I wasn’t bothered.. I could do without forced pleasantries of people I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️

and I also don’t see my husband often as he’s away for months on end working away but it is what it is. Accept the snub I’d say

They haven’t invited you as the don’t want you there. They are probs bored of the on/off drama and tbf You sound like you’d hang off your partner like a limpet all evening. he will know lots of people there, can relax, have a lovely night socialising, having fun with friends and almost family - I know I’d be fine if I was him!!

This is hilarious!

Your only been together against for a few months. I wouldn’t not expect an invite either. Schedule something with your mates.

I think it reflects the on off nature for him and them.

Organise a night for yourself.
Are you wasting your time with him?

Sorry but it’s no partners invited…..so why would you be invited?! Why would you feel snubbed?!

You aren’t invited because partners aren’t invited, simples. Why would him going without you be an issue. I’m sorry but you seem a tad unreasonable

You're an on again off again girlfriend of a friend hosting a party for his daughter. I can see why that might not make the cut for a lot of people. I'm normally of the - you should invite partners to weddings and engagement parties, that's what marriage is about - mindset, but even I wouldn't see this as a snub.

YABU. You don’t know the couple, and his friends probably don’t see you as a serious life partner of yours have been on and off and only back together for a few months. I get that weekends might be precious time, but honestly, it’s only one night.