Not invited to engagement party

[Neeseynoo]

My partner (on/off for 5yrs but back on for last few months, and we live together) has been invited to the engagement party of the daughter of one of his best friends, but I have not as "partners not allowed due to keeping cost down".
For context - I have met the friend in question and his wife on a couple of occasions but has he has been a friend of partner since school and they catch up every couple of months or so. Partner knows daughter very well.
All of partners other friends will be there - as couples, they all married and have been friends for long time.
The friend and wife are paying for the party, so would have quite a bit of influence about who could attend.
I guess the "no partners rule" is aimed at possibly work friends of engaged couples and I do know that they are trying to keep it to 200 people but can't help feel quite upset that my partner seems to think It's ok to leave me on my own for Saturday night (he works shifts and we do not usually have much time together on week day evenings, so our weekends are special. He will be the only one in his large friend group who will be on his own. Am I right to feel a bit snubbed ok

On and off for 5 years? You’re not exactly in a committed relationship, I think it’s perfectly reasonable you aren’t invited and id probably reassess the “relationship” as a whole if you have been unstable for half a decade.

Don’t think it’s rude at all considering it’s not a very stable relationship, I can see why it’s on/off with her comment about being left alone on a Saturday night, she comes across as hard work. Needs to catch a grip of herself.

By year five, I had spent ample regular time with my husband's best friend and wife that I would've said WE were actual friends. But we had also got married and had a kid on the way by that point too. Are you guys into long term commitment ( marriage or not I'm not judging) Does your partner value you? Do you value him? By your own words on and off... that's gotta be for a reason right? His friends know this too. I've had friends who are on off, and when they're off we are hearing the negative..then wh6en they're back on we are having to act normal pretend we like the partner. It's exhausting and no we didnt take them seriously. If they were invited somewhere together it ruined the dynamics , a lot of the time from the tension between them. Are you possibly that couple? Because being mad at being left on ONE Saturday night as an adult ..... seems intense.

They're probably some kind of Asian 😂😂😂.

Me and my husband have been together 10 years so maybe younger than you guys. But we too have our own lives, it makes coming home to each other sweeter. And I NEED to have my own friends time.

Why do people always want to go to all their partners weddings/parties etc. I absolutely love a quiet night in, watch whatever I want, have a bath, eat whatever I want for dinner. Or go out and see your own friends! You're not a single entity/1 person. Meeting these people twice doesn't make you a must-have attendee unfortunately. Why on earth would you feel snubbed, you've probably had longer chats with your local check out worker or postman, would you be snubbed if you didn't get an invite to their parties...

He might not have even told his friends that they're back on again. From watching my husband with his friends, they're not like me and my friends. We can chinwag and we ask intrusive questions and offer tmi. They don't and he's probably embarrassed dog their on off situations. How many friends in on off situations have we tutted at? Or pointed out how unhealthy the dynamic is especially without real change?

It's absolutely ok for your partner to "leave you on your own" for an evening.

You don't say you know the couple celebrating their engagement so why are you even bothered?

And if you're on/off that much it's quite likely you aren't viewed as a permanent fixture.

You don't suggest you have ever met either of the engaged couple. I think it would be unreasonable to expect an invite. It's not a snub to you, just you didn't make the cut and it's reasonable for your partner to go without you. There must be things you do with some of your friends that wouldn't include him. It's a shame if you don't get many evenings together but that's life.

It's your on off partners mates daughter who you have never met. I wouldn't invite anyone I hadn't met unless they would otherwise know nobody there. You have to draw the line somewhere and friends of parents are mainly invited because they've paid imo and kept to a sensible number.

You have only met his mate and mates wife once or twice in 5 years? I'd either be thinking they think you don't like them or your partner doesn't want you hanging out with his friends.

Whilst it's nice to be able to spend Saturday night together it's fine to do things separately. Are you due a catch up with a friend or have any TV/films you know he'd probably hate. Easy to think everyone is busy, but a lot of people feel like they see a fair bit of their partners and don't need to reserve the prime weekend spot

The fact you have been on and off is probably why. They wouldn't know if you would still be together come the party. Maybe your on off relationship involves dramas which they don't want at the party?
You don't have to be invited to everything your partner is. I personally enjoy a night alone, get a takeaway, put my favourite films on etc

This. Come on. It's one night.

I know. You've dodged a bullet there OP.
X

They are probably not sure if you’ll still be together by the time the engagement party comes around.

This.

A party for a couple you don’t even know.

and you don’t think you can cope with one night on your own 😳

get over yourself

Yanbu.
Who does this? It's so weird...and very rude imo.
I wouldn't set up a party in the first place if I couldn't afford to invite partners.

Yabu. You be been on and off for 5 years so they probably don't know if you on or off at the engagement party or wedding. It's not a snub it's just being practical. Enjoy an evening to yourself. It's just one evening and it's not close family. It's a child of a friend.

I think you should be focusing more on your car crash of a 'relationship'. Back on for a few months and living together? Good grief.

It's ok to feel snubbed but they obviously don't know you well enough to invite you separate to your partner. That's just how things are sometimes

You're allowed to feel however you want and I can understand you feeling a bit snubbed.

However you're a grown adult woman and "how can he leave me on my own on a Saturday night" is just batshit. Enjoy a night to yourself and sovereignty over the TV result. Or see a friend, or go to the theatre or....

I wouldn't be surprised if you are off again given your complete overreaction to this!

Alone on a Saturday night....get a grip. You don't even know the couple.

This!! Are you always so needy and dramatic?!

It's probably because they have spouses so they are invited. Your bf does not have a spouse.

Do people still have huge engagement parties? We just went for a meal, us and both sets of parents.

Or they don't know her so don't care about her presence