Not invited to engagement party

[Neeseynoo]

My partner (on/off for 5yrs but back on for last few months, and we live together) has been invited to the engagement party of the daughter of one of his best friends, but I have not as "partners not allowed due to keeping cost down".
For context - I have met the friend in question and his wife on a couple of occasions but has he has been a friend of partner since school and they catch up every couple of months or so. Partner knows daughter very well.
All of partners other friends will be there - as couples, they all married and have been friends for long time.
The friend and wife are paying for the party, so would have quite a bit of influence about who could attend.
I guess the "no partners rule" is aimed at possibly work friends of engaged couples and I do know that they are trying to keep it to 200 people but can't help feel quite upset that my partner seems to think It's ok to leave me on my own for Saturday night (he works shifts and we do not usually have much time together on week day evenings, so our weekends are special. He will be the only one in his large friend group who will be on his own. Am I right to feel a bit snubbed ok

You've been on/off, the others have been friends since childhood, you've never met the engagement couple and all the other invited friends are married.

They clearly don't think you are a close partnership with your boyfriend, no matter how ON you think you are now. I assume you are an adult and I'm sure you can cope for a few hours on a Sat night! Maybe they are aware how needy you sound and that is another reason for no invite?

Amateur, if you can't wank while eating a takeaway what are you even doing with your life?

He’s known them for ages, you hardly know them and you’re only just split up/ got back together

Is this a new thing in relationships that people aren’t allowed to have separate friends and on occasion get together with these friends without partner throwing a strop. DH and I have been together 30 + years and have different friends / hobbies and volunteering groups so often socialise separately. Currently I’m trying to organise a group ( my hobby group DH not involved) get together for a nice lunch, I would never invite my DH to come along, he’s only met them once. Difference is I’m secure in my relationship, we do plenty of stuff just the 2 of us, I don’t need to be superglued to my DH on every occasion to prove something to other people and we have never been on/off.

They won’t deem your relationship serious if it’s continually on and off - unless you’re really close to the daughter whose engagement party it is YABVU

Yep, I can’t imagine getting upset in this situation - you don’t know them!!

On/off for FIVE YEARS sounds like a lot of drama. Maybe they think you will be "off" again by the time the party rolls around. Everything else you wrote is not their circus, not their monkeys.

You need to start enjoying time on your own, I would not be bothered in the slightest.

It’s because people see you as ‘on off’. You said it yourself. Who wants to pay for someone’s food and drink all night, when you’ll be ‘off’ again before you know it.

I could not get worked up about being left off the guest list for my on-off boyfriend’s, best mate’s, daughter.

I mean do you really care that much?

The other couples are all invited because they’ve been married for years.

There speaks a woman who has never got chilli sauce in their vagina!

Every time you’ve broken up over the years, your partner would have given only his side of the story. Their opinion of you might be a bit skewed and they might not think your relationship is serious.

Maybe your partner was involved with another person attending the engagement party during one of your 'off' periods over the last five years?

We were on a break!

Well, or simply the fact of them repeatedly breaking up has given rise to the impression it’s not a serious relationship, so whoever is doing the guest list doesn’t want to ‘waste’ a space on an on-and-off girlfriend who has never met either of the engaged couple.

( I mean, I think it’s pretty unusual for friends of the parents of the couple whose engagement is being celebrated to be invited at all!)

YABU for being upset that your partner is leaving you alone on a Saturday night. FFS you are an adult. Find something else to do.

YABU for being upset about not being invited when there is a clear rule of no partners. If they make an exception for you then they open the door to others also not invited having a moan about not being invited also. One rule for everyone. They have said no partners so that means you too. Deal with it.

It’s because you’re not invited to the wedding.

You sound needy and ridiculous. You barely knows these people. Get a grip.

come on OP, think of it from the bride's perspective, or even worse, the grooms. Would you want to invite your new wife's father's friend's (on and off) partner, whom neither you (or, it sounds like, your wife, i.e. the dd) have ever even met, to your wedding?

It's not your partner's fault you haven't been invited, it wouldn't be fair to expect him to not go to a big gathering of all his friends, to celebrate the wedding of someone he knows well and presumably has seen grow up, just because you aren't invited.

I suppose it's a bit insulting to be left off a guest list of 200! That's huge.

However, it's only one evening. Rearrange your week to spend another evening together, if you can.

How well do you know the young couple who are engaged?

It’s an engagement party.

Like a birthday party, but pointless. Just thank the Social Situations I Frankly Can’t see The Point Of Fairy that you have been spared spending an evening in a roomful of plastic tat and glitter with people you don’t know having forked out for an unnecessary present and card.

Wish my DH would go out occasionally without me. Saturday night to myself would awesome!

It’s not just you, there’s a “partners not allowed” rule to keep control of costs which is absolutely fair enough. They can’t start making exceptions or everyone will want to be made an exception (and to be fair you’re clearly not a long-term solid couple).

YABVU.

on/off for 5yrs but back on for last few months

1. You’ve only been back “on” for a few months; they probably thought there was every chance you’d be “off” again by the party and considering you’re making a fuss about a single Saturday night I can see why (and there’s no equivalency between you two and the married couples)
2. You obviously don’t know the couple very well, if at all
3. Not sure why it matters that he’ll be the only one there “alone” from his large friends group when the large friends group will be there; I’m sure he’ll be just fine as he’ll know plenty of people

Why can't he leave you alone for the evening? Is he your carer?

If not, crack on. Get a takeaway, do a face mask, watch movies. If my partner says he wants to go out with his brother for the evening (not often), I'm delighted! He has a good time, and I chill with the dogs.

I have no idea why this would be an issue.

can't help feel quite upset that my partner seems to think It's ok to leave me on my own for Saturday night

Oh, grow up. You're an adult. You can survive one evening without him.