Am I being mean sending my child to preschool on my non working days ?

[Sleepingworries]

Just wondering if I’m being a mean mum here as other peoples assumptions have made me worry.

I work 3 days a week and my ILs look after my toddler while I’m at work. My toddler is now old enough for preschool and I’ve booked my toddler into preschool on my 2 non working days. This just means I get a
bit of a break, time for me so I can do things like go to the gym.

When I’ve been telling people about my child starting preschool, the majority have assumed that it will be on the days I’m working and look quite shocked when I say it’s the days I’m off.

It’s now making me question if I’m being selfish by having those days to myself ? Am I doing something unusual ?

Gotta admit it’s a bit weird. May I ask why did you have children if you don’t want to really spend much time together?

Couldn’t agree more.

There’s a broad trend that sees ‘equality in the home’ as meaning both parents get the same amount of time away from the child - how backwards is that ??

Capitalism has absolutely done the dirty on mothers by completely de valuing unpaid caring work (not just mothers that do unpaid caring I know and other unpaid carers are also undervalued ).

Equality in the home means valuing everyone in the home , and this means valuing all contributions, you shouldn’t need to be earning money to be a respected, valued , equal parent.

If you are at a point in your relationship where you are keeping tally of how much kid free time you are getting then it’s time to call it a day.

Honestly, that is pretty awful, your in-laws are spending more days with your child than you are!

This. I have nothing against pre school and mine went 5 days a week which meant that I often did have days off that coincided with them being at pre school. But, putting your child into childcare so you can have me time whilst your in laws take the other 3 days is bloody ridiculous. You have a real hard neck tbh.

Have you had a conversation with the in laws? Telling them your plans and actually asking if they mind are completely different. I babysit one day a week for a friend to work, she gets nursery hours now but hasn’t put him in the day I usually have him. As much as I love having him, it’s a long day 9am-6pm and it’s been over a year now, and I’d especially love to have school holidays off, but every week does get tiresome after a while.

also 5 days a week without your child, do you even like being a mum? Maybe 1 day off would be better so your in laws get 1 day off as well

Who is demanding money from whom? You are a one confused peacock.
First you moaned her in laws are doing childcare and now it's something to do with taxpayers? Funnily enough, doing housework is not exactly what I'd call 'nothing'. What is OP wants to do training to have more job opportunities? You sound very jaded and bitter that maybe you did not get this opportunity, but that's a 'you' problem, not OPs.

Wow. If you dislike spending time with your children that much you could have just chosen to not have them.

Oh piss off

Yes I definitely would have said at the time that I’d like a day off too

I’d do one day in childcare and one day together. I think it’s a little unusual to have two day child free if you are only working three days. However, if I were you I would do what I wanted and I wouldn’t really care what other people thought.

I worked 2 and a half days but left my eldest with the child minder for three days so go a whole afternoon to catch up on chores etc. I loved that time.
I really enjoyed hanging out with my toddler though. He was very easy going so that helped plus I made a nice group of Mum friends so it was fun to socialise with them.

I think there is the wanting to spend some time with your kid element of this and the having equal leisure time with your husband element of this. It isn't fair if golf takes up your weekends and you deserve a break too. However I'd suggest evening up the time you both spend on childcare and leisure at the weekend- and that might mean you need less of a break from childcare during the week.

Not selfish to want some me-time, but you might come to regret this. This time with your toddler is so precious and you'll never get it back. Create your bond.

OP, I feel there’s more missing and it’s the arrangements on the weekends.

I know you threw out a comment about your husband playing golf however does that mean you have your toddler every weekend for two days alone? Or does the toddler go to your own family to be minded, or back to the in laws?

If there was a clear view of the entire week it’d be easier to make sense why you look for two days for yourself.

It's a fair question comment. The OP works part time but wants to spend none of that time with her child, and the husband spends his weekends off golfing. Why have a child when they don’t seem to want to spend time with it?

I wouldn't go to the gym over spending time with my dc.

Agree with this… Why bother having children if you don’t want to spend time with them. And the husband too… spending apparently off almost of the weekend on golfing jollies….

I feel sorry for the child. The OP and her DH clearly don’t want to spend much time with her.

Also, to go down to 3 days a week in (presumably) your 30s simply to idle around is pretty lazy.

Why? It’s a very fair point.

Privileged? I think it’s very privileged to have in-laws who offer 3 full days of childcare for free and two days a week to yourself. I think it’s privileged to be able to work part time and in theory have more time to spend with your child. I think the OP is very privileged and she’s failing to see it.

💯

And sometimes, a mum just needs to have a bit of time to take a breath.

A “breath” isn’t two-days a week of “me time”…

But she’s not really looking after her DD much is she!

Interestingly this is the poster who created a thread about going to a birthday party, arriving late without a present/card, because she didn't realise it was the norm. In that post, she responded frequently at the beginning, got everyone very riled up and then abandoned the thread. Same here.

A bit like poking the bear" ?

@Summergarden

MUMMY MARTR ALERT!! ‼️

And all evening and overnight. There are 168 hours in a week. She’s taking 16 hours for herself, when the rest of the time decision either working or looking after her child. Less than 10% of the week for her doesn’t seem like a lot

And for a lot of that time.the child will be asleep or eating etc. Her in-laws spend more quality time in the daytime with her child than she does. I know that this has to be the position when both parents are working full time but OP isn't , she is choosing to send her child to nursery on both her non working days . I think that's sad