Am I being mean sending my child to preschool on my non working days ?

[Sleepingworries]

Just wondering if I’m being a mean mum here as other peoples assumptions have made me worry.

I work 3 days a week and my ILs look after my toddler while I’m at work. My toddler is now old enough for preschool and I’ve booked my toddler into preschool on my 2 non working days. This just means I get a
bit of a break, time for me so I can do things like go to the gym.

When I’ve been telling people about my child starting preschool, the majority have assumed that it will be on the days I’m working and look quite shocked when I say it’s the days I’m off.

It’s now making me question if I’m being selfish by having those days to myself ? Am I doing something unusual ?

@millit

after work she’ll be looking after her child, their bed time routine etc

before work she’ll be getting herself and her child ready for work/nursery

weekends - family time, also it’s sounds like her husband plays a lot of golf so she is solo parenting

and not everyone is able to exercise lunch time at work

Well, they asked if they were mean to send kids to preschool when she's off. My opinion is that that is mean on the kids, since children need time with their parents.

If there's two answers to the question and you're not going to like one of them, then don't ask it?

No, the pp's have been very unkind in how they answered. There are nicer ways to say things. Like the way you did.

Absolutely. There is no possible way a parent can exercise other than having 2 full days to themselves. How would they fit it all in? 🤔

@Bitsostuff

maybe they could squeeze it in…but OP doesn’t need to squeeze it in as she has the option not to and do it a time when she has time so why shouldn’t she

Because it means her child is being looked after by someone else and not by her during those two days?!

Because she has a young child who might benefit from a bit more time with a parent? Or is that too radical?

Sounds like you don’t like being with your child. .

But why does no one complain about the dads

Oh come on now, there is thread after thread on here from women struggling with partners who don't spend time with the kids and pages of replies telling them (quite rightfully) that it is not on and that he needs to step up, accept that life changes after having kids and how priorities need to shift.

At the end of the day this young child has one parent who works all week and (apparently) prefers golf to spending weekends with them and another who would rather they cared for by other adults 5 days a week so they can have 2 full days to themselves. It's sad.

Yes I think YABU sorry.
I work 3 days a week and have done since I returned to work after having my first- 5 years old. Both my kids have always done nursery 2 days a week, IL’s one day a week and the other 2 days with me.
I couldn’t imagine not spending that time with them. If I HAD to work full time then that’s different but I don’t and even though some days are a shit show, I’d be gutted to not have those days with them. On the odd occasion I’ve not worked and had a day to myself I feel incredibly guilty, which I know isn’t great, but for them to be at nursery whilst I had me time 2 days a week, every week would just be awful imo.
but it’s your life, you do you. You obviously feel a certain way if you are asking the question.

But I see ON THIS THREAD that no one is saying the dad needs to spend more time with the child instead of preschool. And preschool is a short day anyway. Between 2.5 to 6 hours so still plenty of time to see the kid

And people are saying it's ok if she worked full time. What's the actual difference to the child what it's parents are doing?

If the dad was putting his child into preschool two days a week just so he could go to the gym and play golf, I'd say exactly the same thing! This isn't about whether it's the mum or dad. It’s about a parent who has time off during the week that they could spend with their child. I know of several dads in RL who have flexible jobs where they don’t have to work every day and guess what, they spend a day during the week with their child while the woman goes to work so it’s really not a women only thing. Surely there’s a balance between time for yourself and factoring in your child to that free time

The dad gets child free time at the weekend and goes to play golf

So when exactly is it the mums childfree time if she's looking after the kid whenever she's not at work

@Timeforachange26 At the weekend when dad is looking after his child. No excuses!

So then the parents don't get any time together.

Who made the " Rules" That as soon as you give birth you are then meant to spend any non working time with your kid?

@Timeforachange26 Well I'm sure the ILs won't think much to the decision if they are doing the childcare three days a week...
My husband and I find lots of time together when our 6 yo is in bed of an evening (the same as many parents do).

For me it’s the absolute audacity to expect the in laws to provide childcare 3 days a week while she works and then pop the child into pre school the other 2 days. Absolute piss take and if i was the grandparent I would stop doing it.

As a grandparent so would I but we can assume the in-laws are ok with this.

I would never provide regular childcare for my grandchildren. Odd babysitting and emergency fair enough but some grandparents must like it

And lots don't if they are on different shifts etc. I finish work at 10. Wouldn't get much time with a 9-5 parent before they toddle off to bed.

@Timeforachange26 How would this change if OP puts her child into daycare on her two days off? Assuming her husband is at work? Your argument about them not having any time together in this instance doesn't make sense.

In short, yes.

You work 3 days a week. Sorry but not wanting to spend any long stretch of time with your kids bar weekends, when you absolutely could on 2 other days, just to get some ‘me time’ is really cold.

I could understand a morning or afternoon perhaps as motherhood is hard work and if it was the only couple of hours you could get to yourself a week I would say take it. But 2 days?!

Really selfish, sorry.

We do. An OP posted about working 5 days and her DH 4 the other day, so he could have some ‘me time’, and everyone was saying (justifiably) how selfish that was.

Why is it selfish for parents to have " Me" Time though? If both have equal amouns of it obv

Because it sounds like they want to both minimise the amount of time they spend with their child.