I feel like I'm living in some parallel universe that perfectly crazy things are being presented as normal.
We are both late 40s and know each other since late teens.
I met up with my friend for a gym workout yesterday. We are chatting as we move around the floor. She tells me she's really enjoying not drinking, knocked it off for the last 8 months and no plans to start again. She tells me about her brother who she is very very worried about; his drinking is out of hand and causing huge problems in his life and the family but he won't seek help.
Ok fine.
As we were leaving I remind my friend that we have longstanding plans for Saturday night that DH and I are looking forward to and have the babysitter booked for.
This same friend can be scatty in her own arrangements but she's not flaky in a 'suit herself' kind of way, she just gets confused with details sometimes arriving to the wrong venue an hour early or even a week early etc. So it's good to remind her of things.
Anyway she very apologetically exclaims she has effed up (again!) but got the dates mixed up and can we reschedule as she's meeting up with a different group and they've tickets booked.
I'm disappointed but not offended or annoyed and say no problem.
Then it turns out the event is actually the Friday before but she is looking forward to 'a few drinks' and expects to be hungover on Saturday.
I'm actually so annoyed about it and wondering is our friendship even compatible at this point in life? I don't drink anymore and am very into fitness. I know we probably wouldn't strike up a friendship now. We met decades ago when we both had party lifestyles but even back then I wouldn't have inconvenienced someone for a hangover.
On top of that - an almost identical situation happened before where she cancelled due to an upcoming boozy lunch the day before.
But given I'd spent an hour chatting around topics like how she doesn't drink anymore (apparently she didn't mean NEVER, 'special occasions are different'), how worried she is about her brother but here she is effing up other people's plans because she can't moderate her drinking to the point she herself is functional a whole 24 hours later.
I decided to speak up and say I wasn't happy with that, it was a crappy way to treat me and DH. She told me I needed to be reasonable?
I don't think I was and that's not really the question.
My AIBU is
Yanbu : Your lives are too different, accept that and either leave the friendship or downgrade it massively
Yabu : she cancelled Saturday night on a Tuesday giving you plenty of time. She knew she wouldn't enjoy it, she's fine, you're dramatic.