To want twins in same form??

[NameMyyyee3333]

I know some will think me unreasonable but am I really bu?

my identical twins are in year six starting high school in Sept
we should get local as thier sister be in year 11 next year so sibling place

they want to be together they have never been apart other than the odd hour where they each do a separate hobby from one another

they look the same but are different and both have other friends but hang out all together there is a group of 3 others they are friends with

however the bond is solid they have never fallen out or need space they give each other courage and support they thrive off one another and give each other confidence they are shy and introverted if alone

i I know people may say it will be good for them but I think it’d start them off badly they are already anxious it would not do them any good to be separated they work better together socially and academically they push and spur one another on to acchieve their potential.

i just don’t know how to or who to approach this with the right person or even if there’s any point
will they listen and accommodate or just decline the request and is there even a policy to say siblings must not be together? I have no idea!

does any know what direction to point me in or even what to say! Or is there any person here with experience that can tell me if it’s worth approaching or just a lost cause?

many thanks

They can't spend their life together forever, they need to learn independence away from each other and make their own friendship groups too. Once out in the real world they won't be working or living together, this is a good opportunity for them to thrive on their own

I have twins. They are young adults now, but when they started secondary school (from a one-form primary), we looked at two schools - one said they would be guided by what we wanted in terms of putting them together or separating them; the other said their default policy was to separate, but they would listen to the wishes of the parents/kids. I imagine if you want them to be together it will be a case of contacting the head of Y7 or transition lead (may well be the same person) and stating that.

I understand why the start of Y7 and all the transitions that entails feels like a hard time to rock the boat. But I also agree with the many posters on here who say that finding their way as individuals is important for twins and they may need some prompting/support to do so. There were twins in one of my other kids' years at school who did everything together and were hardly seen apart. It didn't seem very healthy and definitely hampered their ability to form wider friendships.

Our school (informal) policy is to separate twins and ask primary schools if any friendship pairings should be broken for y7.

Its important that all children learn to be independent at this stage. We do find that often when we break the friendship pairings that have been quite dependent in primary one child has felt a burden of supporting the other.

You need to address your own worries about them being separated I think. As pp said, form is only 20 mins a day after which they are likely to be separated anyway by ability.

Give them the opportunity to create their own individual identities rather than just being a twin.

The reason they do better with each other and spur each other on is because they rely on each other for support and in my mind that’s an even better reason to split them up now. So they can learn to be more independent and resilient.

I'm a strong believer in children who are twins having separate experiences and friendships. However, thinking back to my own high school days, my friends who were twins were in the same form as their sibling. It's only a short session in the morning to take the register and sometimes some PSE. All 3 sets of twins were girls and all were non-identical. I know what they're all up to now in their 40s and they're all total individuals with different careers, lifestyles, passions, looks.

I honestly don't think the form makes that much of a difference, they're more likely to end up in the same classes through school if they choose the same options at GCSE and if they're the same level academically when subjects are set.

My son's high school don't even have forms, they go straight to their first lesson and are mixed up depending on various sets and what language they are doing.

The form thing is probably fine, but what’s your broader plan to ensure they become confident and successful individuals and not just “the twins”?

They won’t and shouldn’t have the other one there in future work and family life and I can’t see that at the moment they’re at all prepared for that.

Obviously Yabu.

You could say the same about a best friend who they’ve always been in a form with and need them for emotional support. Tough luck, you don’t get to do everything in life with your best friend.

Branching out and having to be uncomfortable is where growth and resilience happens.

There are twins like this in a town I know well (coastal, NE). They dress identically, down to the handbags, and they must be at least in their late 40s or 50s. It's not the life I'd want for either of my children.

As a side note, I worked with a pair of identical twins as doctors in a hospital. They had studied medicine at the same university together and then worked in the same hospital at the same grade. Communication was very confusing until you could tell the difference between the two of them. I imagine it was the source of a lot of human error!

Once you know which school they will be in, you can go and have a good chat with the admin about how you perceive their needs.

However, you will also have to accept that you can't compel the school to do what you think is best, if they think differently. So don't approach it as a kind of laying down the law, this is how it's going to be. Talk to them as partners in your children's education.

You should be able to choose to have them in the same tutor group, at all the secondary schools I worked at Y6 children get to choose one person to be with. Usually in y7, schools only set the pupils for English, Maths and Science so they might be in different classes then but it would get them used to the concept of being independent.

I had identical twins in my tutor group for their five years at school, there were no issues but they were in different sets for some subjects.

I suggest you let them select each other to be paired with but also talk to the school to reinforce the message, you need to get this sorted well before the summer holidays as most schools try to sort out forms soon after places have been accepted.

She isn't demanding anything! She is just asking a question!!!

ive seen twins that are identical in everything hair, clothes with the only difference being one had a different bag,
maybe its time for your kids to find their own identity and stop being over reliant on each other

In most y6 classes their teacher recommends to the high school who is best kept together or split up in year 7 , this usually means that each form has 1 or 2 familiar faces whilst the children settle but they can be in different sets academically . Personally having worked with twins in school I really think they need to gain more independence as usually one twin can feel stifled .

“Review it in Y8 when they’ve settled in.”

Secondary school form groups stay the same throughout the school, they don’t change every year.

Yes unfortunately to clarify
I have tried to encourage seperate friendships seperate activities seperate rooms seperate class at school but the school ended up re joining them in reception as it went down badly
the only clubs they do seperate is ballet and netball
the rest are the same!
they chose to share a room and the spare room is still that! So until they choose to part I don’t see why I should force them or cause unnecessary anxiety if I don’t have to! Of course they would have seperate lessons they understand that but the school they should get has a few form based lessons so at least they would have the security of some time together each day which I think would be a massive comfort to them both

Reception was a long time ago and they will get their ‘security and comfort’ at break times and at home. They do not need you to manage this for them, it’s not actually in their best interest, it’s just a preference which is probably more yours than theirs right now. Pre teens need to start learning to adapt, their relationship will be absolutely fine.

It seems very odd for them only to have spent the odd hour apart in 11 years. However, if you're adamant you want them to be in the same form, surely you can just ask the school when it's been allocated. I'm not sure why there's a need for so much overwrought hand wringing and drama about it unless you've been told it definitely won't be possible.

I grew up living opposite identical twins who more or less did that. Lived next door to each other, worked together.

“at least they would have the security of some time together each day which I think would be a massive comfort to them both”

But don’t you understand that many y7 kids would like the comfort of their best friend with them in the new, unfamiliar, intimidating environment of secondary school, but don’t get that? Why are your twins more deserving?

You can't baby them forever. This is a sure fire way to create enmeshment

Reception was a long time ago. You can’t make decisions now based on how they reacted 7 years ago.

Hi OP, I’m a twin and was separated from my twin sibling in year 7. We were totally fine and it did give us some independence. They’ll be fine if this happens especially if they already have different friend groups. I’d let it be and see what happens.

I'm a twin. Let them develop independence.