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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want twins in same form??

150 replies

NameMyyyee3333 · 07/10/2026 07:07

I know some will think me unreasonable but am I really bu?

my identical twins are in year six starting high school in Sept
we should get local as thier sister be in year 11 next year so sibling place

they want to be together they have never been apart other than the odd hour where they each do a separate hobby from one another

they look the same but are different and both have other friends but hang out all together there is a group of 3 others they are friends with

however the bond is solid they have never fallen out or need space they give each other courage and support they thrive off one another and give each other confidence they are shy and introverted if alone

i I know people may say it will be good for them but I think it’d start them off badly they are already anxious it would not do them any good to be separated they work better together socially and academically they push and spur one another on to acchieve their potential.

i just don’t know how to or who to approach this with the right person or even if there’s any point
will they listen and accommodate or just decline the request and is there even a policy to say siblings must not be together? I have no idea!

does any know what direction to point me in or even what to say! Or is there any person here with experience that can tell me if it’s worth approaching or just a lost cause?

many thanks

OP posts:
AgeingMillennial · 07/10/2026 07:09

Do you expect them to live and work together forever?

Wonderones · 07/10/2026 07:09

You can ask for them to be in the same form. This often happens. Email the school office and ask it to be sent to the HOY. Once school places have been announced.

However, form is only for fifteen mins or so a day- they might well not be in the same lessons, so you should prep them for that.

TeenToTwenties · 07/10/2026 07:13

As PP, once school places are announced, and possibly after SATs, write to the y7 transition leader (or whoever) and request this.
(Though are you sure both DC will actually want this? Check with them separately at the time before requesting it)

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 07/10/2026 07:14

I think the start of high school is the perfect opportunity to talk about how it’s fantastic they care and love each other but now its a good time to understand they will not work and live side by side for the rest of their lives.

It Is a better lesson to learn now while still being able to have lunch and some lessons together rather than when they go to different universities and are isolated and lonely.

cartagenagina · 07/10/2026 07:15

You have a child in Y11 so surely you know they only spend about 15 minutes in tutor group each day.

It really isn’t worth a battle over.

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/10/2026 07:19

They barely spend any time in form. Are you going to demand they are in every single class together as well?

Sounds like a perfect time for them to get some independence away from each other.

MellowSubmarine · 07/10/2026 07:20

cartagenagina · 07/10/2026 07:15

You have a child in Y11 so surely you know they only spend about 15 minutes in tutor group each day.

It really isn’t worth a battle over.

Well it depends on the school. At mine we were in sets for maths, English, and science, but taught in our form groups for all other lessons (while being split by sex and combined with another form for PE).

But I think OP is unreasonable if her twins have never spent any time apart except for “the odd hour”.

MyballsareSandy2015 · 07/10/2026 07:20

Perfect time to do their own thing a bit more and spread their wings OP, and I say that as a mum of twins.

You don’t want them to end up being those weird twins that never separate as adults.

Smartiepants79 · 07/10/2026 07:22

Well you can’t do anything until you know for definite what school they will be attending. The you approach them, maybe the head of year? Do school have a policy around twins? Some do. If you’ve been to open evenings did you ask?
All you can do is ask when the time comes but be prepared for them to refuse. I don’t have twins but have taught several sets and past a certain age every single one of them benefitted from having space to be an independent person. A few hours in a different class is not going to change their closeness. All children are anxious about moving to secondary school. It completely normal.
School may agree but I would think hard about why you think it’s necessary.

Voltorb · 07/10/2026 07:24

Honestly as a twin it sounds incredibly stifling and unhealthy that they've never really had any time apart except an odd hour here and there. The fact they are twins should not prevent them being individuals. I'm all for twins being close but it sounds like some independence from each other is needed here.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/10/2026 07:24

It’s pointless pushing them to be in the same form, they’d spend hardly any time together there anyway. This needs to be about teaching them resilience and how to handle change. Start telling them now that it doesn’t matter about form because of how little time they’ll spend there and how they will see eachother at breaks anyway. They won’t be less close because of school, and it’s not ok to try and control their lives so much by trying to get them together, even if they want that.

fumingrightnow1 · 07/10/2026 07:27

The fact they are anxious apart is the exact reason its so important to seperate them they need to learn to cope with life by themselves

Motnight · 07/10/2026 07:29

fumingrightnow1 · 07/10/2026 07:27

The fact they are anxious apart is the exact reason its so important to seperate them they need to learn to cope with life by themselves

Exactly this!

Fatnearlyslim · 07/10/2026 07:30

As a twin, they need to get use to not being together permanently.
saying this I joined the police force & she joined 16 months later - this confused lots of people - although we were posted to different areas, then the last 3yrs we were working together in a dispatch roll and car shared as live 5 mins away for each other and loved it.

We also had a joint wedding in Cyprus - but then my husband was killed in an accident 16 months later - was hard on anniversary, however she was traded in for a younger model 4yrs later

she had a child and he used to say to me are you my mum or auntie Jo 🙃

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 07/10/2026 07:30

As a child there was a pair of elderly twins in my home town who lived together, dressed identically and carried identical small dogs. When I discovered I was pregnant with twins I vowed never to let my twins become too dependent on each other. We were lucky to have a two form entry primary school, so we chose separate classes from the start.
the road you’re going down, OP, is doing them no favours. Start encouraging their independence from each other now, and take admission to secondary school as another step in that direction.

KeeepWalking · 07/10/2026 07:35

It would be better to spend your energy on helping them prepare to become more independent of each other. I am a mum of ID twins who were put in separate classes from the time they started school. They developed separate friendships, but still remained close. It helped their teachers to treat them as individuals. At 21, they have a really healthy twin relationship. They went to different universities, studied different subjects, but they have always helped and supported eachother, visited eachother and got to know each others friendship group.

Puddypuds · 07/10/2026 07:40

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 07/10/2026 07:14

I think the start of high school is the perfect opportunity to talk about how it’s fantastic they care and love each other but now its a good time to understand they will not work and live side by side for the rest of their lives.

It Is a better lesson to learn now while still being able to have lunch and some lessons together rather than when they go to different universities and are isolated and lonely.

Absolutely agree with this and I am a twin

boundarysponge · 07/10/2026 07:48

I know an adult twin who feels utterly stifled by her mother’s suggestions that they do stuff together. She has a wide group of friends (her twin less so) and really wants to spread her wings. Be careful that you aren’t planting any seeds of resentment.

ThereIsSomethingWrongWithTheLeftFilange · 07/10/2026 07:57

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/10/2026 07:19

They barely spend any time in form. Are you going to demand they are in every single class together as well?

Sounds like a perfect time for them to get some independence away from each other.

I agree with this.

Surely this is the perfect time for them to learn how to be independent beings and away from one another?

How will they cope when they finish school and want to go down different paths? One wants to go to Uni but the other doesn't? One gets a boyfriend and wants to spend all their time with him etc?

They need to learn to not rely on each other so much and cope independently and emotionally away from each other or they will struggle.

They need to build their resilience to this so don't get involved and just allow them to learn this life skill.

TomHanksIsMyHero · 07/10/2026 07:59

Twin mum here 🙋‍♀️

i can understand a lot of the responses about it being only 15 minutes, perfect opportunity, etc. I would have thought the same before I actually had twins.

Mine are only in primary still but, if they wanted to be in the same form, I would request it with school. My school sends out friendship cards so they write each other on there too.

Separation will gradually happen in secondary school anyway given the size, different abilities, etc.

I agree with you that it would set them up for more nerves on their first day. I know loads of singletons have to do it but that’s the perk of being a twin.

I would really only listen to twin parents on here too, to be honest. Singleton parents don’t always get that bond, it’s different to have a sibling. I’d even take the twin parents with a pinch of salt and every child is different and you know yours.

if school cannot accommodate your request, at least you know you’ve tried.

Wimaway · 07/10/2026 07:59

Only you know your children

Coconutter24 · 07/10/2026 08:03

Unless they are conjoined then YABU. They are twins but they are also individuals. Friends don’t get to pick who is in their form or class so why would it be different for twins?

TallSturdyGirls · 07/10/2026 08:04

Please start building their independent and reliance on each other. They need to be able to function alone.
Otherwise in later life the impact can be awful.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 07/10/2026 08:04

I would leave it to the school to decide here and teach them how to cope with it. If they are a similar level they will probably be in the same lessons for some subjects.
they can still hang out together at break and lunch if they choose but they need to start gaining some independence from one another.

BirdLandedonmyHead · 07/10/2026 08:05

Its probably a good time tp prepare them that they will likely not be in every class together... one might be in a higher group in Maths, or they could be in separate PE groups at the same time etc

I also woyldnt do anything yet as they may well xhange their minds by summer, as they change a lot in Yr6.