To want twins in same form??

[NameMyyyee3333]

I know some will think me unreasonable but am I really bu?

my identical twins are in year six starting high school in Sept
we should get local as thier sister be in year 11 next year so sibling place

they want to be together they have never been apart other than the odd hour where they each do a separate hobby from one another

they look the same but are different and both have other friends but hang out all together there is a group of 3 others they are friends with

however the bond is solid they have never fallen out or need space they give each other courage and support they thrive off one another and give each other confidence they are shy and introverted if alone

i I know people may say it will be good for them but I think it’d start them off badly they are already anxious it would not do them any good to be separated they work better together socially and academically they push and spur one another on to acchieve their potential.

i just don’t know how to or who to approach this with the right person or even if there’s any point
will they listen and accommodate or just decline the request and is there even a policy to say siblings must not be together? I have no idea!

does any know what direction to point me in or even what to say! Or is there any person here with experience that can tell me if it’s worth approaching or just a lost cause?

many thanks

Really? I didn't know that. Our primary / prep school always had twins in separate classes, and it always worked well.

YABU. Let them be their own person. They have to learn and should be known as sisters not "the twins". They are likely to mix in new circles on their own.

Our twins went to a small
primary so were always in the same class but with different friends. When they went to secondary, all pupils were asked who they’d like to be in form with, and I believe their year 6 teachers were also asked. Most of the kids from their primary were put in the same form, apart from one of our twins. We asked for them to be moved to the form with the people they knew, it wasn’t a big deal to the school but made our child feel better at a time of major change. They made their own friends in secondary, were in different classes and barely spoke to each other at school! They went to different sixth forms. As with all kids, you know your children best, what suits one child won’t suit another, don’t stress about it and deal with it when the time comes

I have a twin brother so maybe its a bit different from having identicals but we were happy to be split at secondary school. We went to a small primary where it had got a bit much always being "the twins".

We were in separate forms but the same half of the year at high school. We had the odd lesson together but were mostly separate. Had loads of friends in common. It was perfect for building our own identities but remaining close enough that we were a support to each other. I remember thinking why would I ever need to be worried about starting school (either primary or secondary) because I had my brother there. We spent most of our twenties and early thirties living together in london and had a ball, I moved out to live with my now DH.

Only you know what is best for your children OP but being split up definitely worked for me.

It might be better for them to be separated now, surely you don’t want them to end up like those Australian twins (adult females) who literally do everything together, including sharing a boyfriend!

YABU. As has been said, they need to do stuff away from each other sometimes. They shouldn't have a co-dependent relationship, it's not healthy.

By all means talk to the school about it, but it would be good for them to spend more time apart, so that university is not such a daunting prospect. That might begin to happen naturally if they choose different GCSE/A-level subjects, but they might not!

If the school does set by ability for a lot of subjects, then they might well end up in the same sets for those subjects, and so they will be together then regardless (unless it is a large school where subjects are set across half the year group, and they are in different halves). In that case, it might be good for them to be in different form groups so they do spend some time apart.

Talk to the school about how things are organised, and see what you can agree with them - for instance, you might be happy for them to be in different forms but prefer them to be in the same half.

All sets of twins are different, and it's sense for there to be some discussion. A friend's twins would have been separated at secondary, but there were only three going to that secondary from their school, so it would have meant one not knowing anybody in their form. Their mum advised the school about which would cope better with that, but in the end they kept them together.

As a former year 7/8 form tutor, I would actually have preferred it if best friends were not kept together. Inevitably, some girls would make new friends, and then their previous bestie would be distraught (summer term of year 7 was usually the peak for friendship issues). If they're not in the same class, it's easier, because there's less sense of rejection. It's difficult to know how it would work with twins - I think all the twins I taught were separated. There was a pair of cousins/best friends who were together, and I know at least one set of parents would have preferred them separated, to get them making more friends outside the family. They stayed best friends, and did only start to be more independent in year 10 when they didn't choose all the same options.

It was strictly enforced by most schools up to 2018, but a huge definitive study came out in April 2018 that did not support separation. Unless there were parental concerns, the study, that tracked 9000 twin pairs, demonstrated that keeping twins together supported emotional readiness and reduced anxiety for twins of primary school age, and showed no academic harm. This is when it entered into DofE policy.

Depends on the school when I started secondary all our subjects were with our form group for year 7. We were split in year 2 for some subjects. But some we did with our form group still. It was year 9 when we chose our options and streamed into different abilities. But we still stayed on separate timetables to half our year group.

No. That 9,000 twins Goldsmiths study concluded that 'the decision on how twins should be taught should be discussed between parents, teachers and twins, and reflect the individual needs of twins'. So down to the individuals concerned. Not one way or the other.

It's clear a lot of people on this thread don't have twins – it's all well an good to want to encourage individualism and distinct personalities (in any individual!), but it ignores the fact that you're not dealing with a typical, singleton person. Being a twin shapes you from birth, and is part of your developmental make up – you can't just eradicate that because 'it's good to develop as individuals'. Yes, it is, but it has to be weighed up against the potential harm of blanket separation. It's not that simple, and the separation of twins should be looked at on a case-by-case basis.

This is why DofE strongly discouraged blanket separation and why twins are accepted as 'one birth', even if it puts a primary school class over 30 pupils.

Schools will split same age siblings, twins or not. Probably better get over it.

I didn't say it was one way of the other. I said that it did not support blanket separation. The study did show to support emotional readiness and reduce anxiety when twins were kept together at their own and the parents' wishes.

I am going to disagree. And say for the first time at a new school, keep them together. They will naturally move away and do their own things over time. And may not choose the same subjects eventually.

A teacher at school when I was young ( so was she) thought she was being clever by moving all the children who naturally sat with their friends to sit with someone you don’t know in the class.

Two girls in my class were like twins. They had been best friends forever. She split them up. They were distraught. One of the mums thankfully intervened and said given it was the first form of secondary school, first term, perhaps they could sit together ? They returned to do so. And we’re happy.

What the silly teacher thought she was doing I have no idea. Just making life harder for everyone else.

They did not stick like glue to each other forever. Just to mention.

I think YABU. ‘They have never been apart other than the odd hour’ sounds intense, needy and dependent. I would be happy for them to be separated now, it should have happened a long time ago, even just one on one time with each of them as younger children to let them realise their sense of self. Keeping them together would be detrimental long term.

You said 'DofE strongly advises against separation rules for twins, unless at the request of the parents.'

That's just not true

several years ago now but my DD had three sets of twins in her class (1 set identical). and that was in a year that had 8 classes so plenty of choice!

partly because of covid her old secondary puts siblings in the same "house" - so that if there were ever an interruption in schooling again the siblings would all be in school on the same days but it does also help that the parents only need to deal with one set of pastoral care teachers.

i'm not sure it's what i would do but if it's what you and they want then I would start the discussion with their current primary school.

It literally does. It has intervened in school blanket separation rules before, and has formally stepped in and forced the school to change its policy. The DfE issued an official statement confirming that schools must not have a blanket policy regarding the separation of twins.

We'll have to agree to differ o n the interpretation of DfE guidance. It does not 'strongly advise against separation rules for twins'. It simply says its up to those concerned.

For the second time, I said it strongly advises against "blanket separation rules". Which it literally does. You can argue all you like, but it does and has intervened to enforce it in the past where it is not being observed.

I'm a teacher. If a parent requested this at our school, then their request would be accommodated - what with them being the parent and all.

School should have a transition lead, see if you can get hold of them.

No you said

'DofE strongly advises against separation rules for twins, unless at the request of the parents'. Which it doesn't

But I'll leave it here. Sorry OP. Hope it works out whatever you do next.

Again, you can believe whatever you wish, but it does. My DH was also a senior civil servant at DfE at the time and worked specifically on these guidelines. Your opinion on it really isn't required.

Being introverted isn’t a bad thing, by the way 😵‍💫

No but a lot of us went to school with twins. So giving you a different opinion to your own.