To want twins in same form??

[NameMyyyee3333]

I know some will think me unreasonable but am I really bu?

my identical twins are in year six starting high school in Sept
we should get local as thier sister be in year 11 next year so sibling place

they want to be together they have never been apart other than the odd hour where they each do a separate hobby from one another

they look the same but are different and both have other friends but hang out all together there is a group of 3 others they are friends with

however the bond is solid they have never fallen out or need space they give each other courage and support they thrive off one another and give each other confidence they are shy and introverted if alone

i I know people may say it will be good for them but I think it’d start them off badly they are already anxious it would not do them any good to be separated they work better together socially and academically they push and spur one another on to acchieve their potential.

i just don’t know how to or who to approach this with the right person or even if there’s any point
will they listen and accommodate or just decline the request and is there even a policy to say siblings must not be together? I have no idea!

does any know what direction to point me in or even what to say! Or is there any person here with experience that can tell me if it’s worth approaching or just a lost cause?

many thanks

Hi OP, fellow Twin mum here (girls). Like you, I had one outgoing one and one more reserved one.
I made the conscious choice to separate them, as I wanted the more reserved one to become independent and not have to rely on her sister to make friendships.
It was the best decision I made. They thrived being in separate forms, and to this day are the best of friends.

Unlikely to be an issue. Just ask the head of year 7 or transition person

As a complete aside OP, check your schools admission policy, I realised this week that ours state siblings rule applies to children in years 7 to 10 only

A friend of mine has twin Gdds (not identical) now just starting Y1. They were in separate forms in reception, ditto Y1, and it’s been no problem at all.

The twins in our family have just been out in separate classes in year 5. 1 was happy about it, 1 wasn’t. 1 month in and they’re both doing great. They still live together, see each other at break and lunch time, and there’s been no issues.

another set of twins who were in DD’s nursery class last year have been separated for reception. They each have friends in both classes, and both still come out happy at the end of their day.

edit - spelling error

Guessing you used to dress them in identical outfits 🙄

F

It sounds like you’ve allowed to rely on each other because tackling it would be hard. I’d be very concerned if my child couldn’t do things alone unless they had support of a sibling.

Once their places are confirmed I would make an appointment with the HT, SENCO or similar. Explain your preference to keep them together but ask for their opinion and what they normally do eg always separate, ask parental preference etc. They will also then be aware the twins have barely been apart from each other and will maybe make a decision based on that.

In some schools, years 7-9 do end up having quite a lot of time with their forms/ in the same lessons.

Some schools just do lessons by form groups unless they are split by ability e.g. English and Maths.

OP I would just ask the school if they can be in the same form. There are pros and cons both ways and every twin pair is different - some twins thrive from being together and some benefit from being in different groups at school. You and your kids are the best ones to make that call, not the school who don't really know them yet.

Ds1 had a set of identical triplets all on his university degree course.They all lived together and all wore the same jacket.

The policy in all the schools I’ve worked in has been to separate twins. I don’t think ensuring they ‘have each other’ all the time is good for them as individuals, which they are.

Thats precisely the reason they are being split up.
They are not one entity.
Unless they're conjoined...

I read this as ‘to want twins in some form’. I was thinking this person must be crazy!

<totally misses the point>

If they have only ever been apart for the odd hour since they were born its about time they started now. They are two people not one.

It seems the school has to do what you should have done all along

They are seperate people

DD was friends with a couple of sets of twins at school. They were not only in different tutor groups they were in different halves of the school (for timetabling purposes).

Frankly the primary school should have had them in different classes. This would have normalised them having independent lives (from each other) at a much younger age. It's never too late though it'll be harder now and at a more difficult age. They'll get over it and be more successful human as a result. Leave it be.

Forms are primarily about pastoral care. I can understand why separate forms are better for a number of reasons but one is that it means each gets their own teacher so if they have issues as they grow older, they have someone responsible for them who isn't effectively compromised/has a conflict of interest.

Friendships are formed crucially in yr7. Realistically they are only guaranteed to be together in yr7. After that, who knows. Twins together will lose an opportunity and this may matter later on when they start making choices or getting set differently.

Nothing stops them from seeing each other for breaks though.

Honestly, I don't think putting twins together really is in their best interests in the long run. Its a nice safety blanket in yr7 but longer term I don't think it will necessarily serve them both.

I have twins. They are still in primary school and in the same class. I would however be happier to have them split up when they start secondary as I believe it's the best time to start growing some independence from each other. It really doesn't have anything to do with them getting on or not.

However, that's not the question you asked – you can contact the Twins Trust for possible help with this. Are you a member? Legislation allows for parents of twins to decide whether to separate twins or not at primary age – something primary schools don't always know – and the Twins Trust assists in making schools aware of this when they are not being accommodating.

This is not the case for secondary school, however, the Twins Trust makes use of studies that show evidence of twins doing better in school when they are kept in the same class as their twins – there are several reasons for this. Of course it won't always be the case for each individual, but the research does recommend it, especially when the parents and twins want to be kept together. You may be able to use this as leverage to get them into the same form.

I say this with kindness OP but you need to let go of what you want for them to happen re form placement. It sounds like you’re massively projecting and I can hear the anxiety and need for control dripping off your post. Please do your children a favour and let them find their own paths without being paired up everywhere.

I have two in the same year and they’re very much their own people now that they’re in sixth form.

They‘ll be in the same year and same school but able to make their own friends and navigate life without the other twin. As PPs said: they can’t live and work together forever. They will develop their own strengths and explore individual interests: one might be great at literature whilst the other chooses PE or a language. I think you’d do them a massive disservice by insisting they must be lumped together all the time.

I can't see anywhere in your post that the school have said they couldn't be together? Or am I missing it?

Regardless, I think they should be treated the same as every other child entering. If the policy is that the school takes into account preferences, great - they can put each other. If the school mixes the children and allocates forms 'randomly' - then they should be subject to the same.

DofE strongly advises against separation rules for twins, unless at the request of the parents.

I think you know your twins best! If you feel they would be happiest together, then let School know in advance .They will probably find friends separately but to have back up from each other is a good thing as well .

Hi, I was Sendco until recently in a large oversubscribed two form entry urban primary school.
Our policy was to split twins on entry, but with the priviso that if it wasn’t working out within a couple of weeks, we would move them back together.
The reason for the policy was the sheer number of issues caused by having both in the same class. Just a few of these were :-—

• one might do all the interactions for another
• they could argue at home about what happened in class ‘x did this’, ‘no I didn’t’
• they tended to be seen - and referred to - as one entity rather than two separate siblings
• they did not always develop own friendships

Even one of my team who had twins was concerned about the policy when their pair entered school. However just a few weeks later they came and apologised and remarked how much better it was for both of them to be in separate classes, and how each had blossomed as a result. It was a very factual comment as indeed both had, to a noticeable extent. One had been almost a mute on arrival as the other twin did all the talking for them, but within a few weeks was lively and chatty to all. We found this to be the common result. These were children entering the school at Reception too. In fact we never had a single complaint from parents about the policy once their children had been with us a few days. All of them said how much they had blossomed for being in separate classes. I expected - and indeed we prepared for - moving some back in together, but it never happened. Not once ( and we had quite a few twins go through - 4 sets in one year group alone!).

So whilst I understand your concerns, your twins are much older and will be developing as different people. So why not give it a try and let them go solo?

If you really want them to be together, then the person to contact would be the staff member dealing with admissions. Our children were all asked at the end of year 6 who they would want to be with at the new school, and this information was passed on to the receiving school. Usually too a staff member from the receiving school would come round in the last few weeks of year 6 and meet the children going there in September. We would hand over a huge file which included all the information, including about friendships.