To want twins in same form??

[NameMyyyee3333]

I know some will think me unreasonable but am I really bu?

my identical twins are in year six starting high school in Sept
we should get local as thier sister be in year 11 next year so sibling place

they want to be together they have never been apart other than the odd hour where they each do a separate hobby from one another

they look the same but are different and both have other friends but hang out all together there is a group of 3 others they are friends with

however the bond is solid they have never fallen out or need space they give each other courage and support they thrive off one another and give each other confidence they are shy and introverted if alone

i I know people may say it will be good for them but I think it’d start them off badly they are already anxious it would not do them any good to be separated they work better together socially and academically they push and spur one another on to acchieve their potential.

i just don’t know how to or who to approach this with the right person or even if there’s any point
will they listen and accommodate or just decline the request and is there even a policy to say siblings must not be together? I have no idea!

does any know what direction to point me in or even what to say! Or is there any person here with experience that can tell me if it’s worth approaching or just a lost cause?

many thanks

A lot of this depends on how they work forms.

At our school only certain forms are mixed with others. They do some lessons as a form and some as mixed.

If there's a similar set up, perhaps they could be together for form but in opposite halves of the class when mixed beyond forms?

That way they'd get the comfort of each other for all the initial things but would learn to spend some time apart.

This is massively on you OP. You have allowed them to exist in twin world rather than be two individuals. Sounds like it’s high time they did things apart. Are they going to marry twins and live together? Go to uni together? Work in the same company?

I'm sure you know best about whether your children would do better together versus separately, but unless they have special problems, is it really appropriate to contact the school about this? If you had a child starting high school who didn't have an identical twin, would you feel that it was appropriate to intervene with preferences about classmates?

They have a healthy and positive relationship, but many kids have friendships that are positive in the same way - and sadly on entering high school these aren't usually taken into account in class allocation.

I'd say, don't intervene unless there is a special problem arising from their twin status, serious enough to warrant a closer-than-usual parental attentiveness at a time when all children are being thrown into the stresses of a life that is much further from their parents' control than primary school was.

Sounds like being apart will do them good 😊 give them a chance to make other friends a lot of schools will seperate twins so they don't become too dependant on each other

Every child starting year 7 wants to be in form with the peers they are closest to. Every single one. I'd say pretty much all of them are anxious at the thought of that not happening too. Politely OP, your twins aren't special there. They will be fine.

Secondary school is the perfect time to make sure some of each week at school is spent doing different subjects.
Speak to the school about your twins starting off in the same home room and gradually studying some electives at different times.

I have twins and I’m usually the sort to say go with whatever they want to do, but the line that sticks out here is ‘they are shy and introverted on their own’ - I think being in separate forms could massively help build their personal confidence here. They’ll still see each other plenty, walking in, breaks, lunch etc - but it could be a way to help build that confidence as individuals if this is something they don’t already have.

We had two halves of the year. Forms only mixed within those halves, per-GCSE. So worth checking out how timetabling works in their school. I was friends with twins. They were in two different forms, but the same half of the year. They were equally bright and had similar academic interests so were in the same classes for a lot of subjects anyway.

You say to only listen to the twin MUMs - how about reading the comments from the actual TWINS on here?

They seem to think it's better to have that seperation at this point

you need them to separate children and not just twins,they need their own lives and friendship groups.
its unhealthy to spend so much time with someone else.

let them spread their wings and enjoy time as individual children.

My twins are now in year 10 but when they started out in nursery they followed each other and weren’t interested in playing with others at first, slowly my daughter made a friend but her brother followed her around as he said he felt safer next to her. During Reception I asked that they were put in different classes. They thrived and you could see their different personalities coming through.

In secondary school, they go to 2 schools that are 2 minutes away from each other (boys and girls school) and finish school 30 minutes apart. They are still close but they feel confident and secure on their own as well. One is more academic than the other who is more artistic and sporty, the help each other with homework and started revising together

At my kids’ school they are shuffled for almost every subject - only pshce is taught in form groups. You do get an opportunity to state preference so in your situation you can ask for them to have form together. Sounds like you think it would be reassuring for the twins to start the day together. And then they would probably have some classes together too.
As pp have said, this stuff is sorted out in June/July so wait and see what feels like the right direction then.

Does being in form together mean they share all lessons? (In both DS and DD school their form groups are different to their class groups and DS class groups are mixed up several times due to sets)

Aside from the fact I agree with PP and think they sound way too co-dependent and this is a natural opportunity to separate them, you cannot contact the school about anything until they actually have a space and even then probably not until the summer term before they start.

@NameMyyyee3333 Schools have enough to deal with, you cannot seriously be expecting them to be planning for your twins 11 months in advance - when they are even at the school yet? Entitled much?

Most schools seem to allow children to name one or two children they'd like to be in a form with. It's not a guarantee however. Your children should be free to decide which children they name - I assume you wouldn't make one twin feel guilty for not naming their sibling if they didn't want to.

In DS's school the form would have form time, maths, english and science together. By Yr 9 most subjects were streamed.

Friendships shift a lot over Yr 7 and I would be prepared for your twins to start exploring new friendships in school and perhaps pulling away from each other (or not!) As long as they are free to make their own choices they will be fine.

@Floppyearedlab @AgeingMillennial

I'm an non-identical twin. We were in the same class/form for school, had some lessons together. None at A-level, went to different universities.

However we did work together for about 4 years (different roles though), and lived opposite eachother. We share many of the same friends (for example she's close to my university friends and sees them all the time without me) and my twin married someone I studied/worked with.

We're absolutely individuals, never dressed the same etc. But that core relationship with someone going through everything at the same time, my best friend is so precious to me. Our lives have diverged and we've seen some massive dips (widowhood for one) and we've had different experiences (I have 3 kids, she doesn't) but I feel a biological need to communicate with her and see her often. I named my daughter after her. I don't think people who aren't twins can really understand.

That being said, I think twins either love or hate eachother! I know two sets who don't speak to eachother at all.

They always separate twins. It’s good for them to form their own identity now they are at secondary school.

I think this transition is the perfect opportunity to prepare them to stand on their own 2 feet as individuals. They can't live in each other's pockets forever.

I have been a Year 7 form tutor for years. As a school we give twin parents the option - some are together, others aren't. I don't think it's something a school will dictate to you.

Time for them to learn to cope alone. Should have happened long before now.

I have worked with many twins over the years and the only twins that are usually kept together are the ones that are completely independent and don’t rely on the other or look for the other.
To get to secondary school age and find they have not been separated for more than an hour before and are now anxious about being separated is concerning.

This would be a perfect opportunity to start the process of them becoming more independent (yes a little late but what’s done is done). Be positive about them being in different forms so they can see you are not worried either.
Within a few weeks they should have both settled down and made friends.

OP, so long as they each have a friend from primary school with them in their new form, you have no worries. When my identical twins started secondary, there was only one other DC from their primary going to that school, so,they put them all in the same form. By the time they got to the sixth firm, I was worried they were too dependent on each other so I tried to move one of them to a different sixth form - they did one day, and then said either they went back to their old school or they wouldn’t go to school at all. It was a disaster all ways round - so I think there is merit in separating them, so long as they are with a friend.

They might actually do that....

My friend is married to an identical twin....

He and his brother studied the same degree at the same uni.
They now work for the same company (earning ££££!!!) twin A got a job first and recommended twin B apply...

They live 2/3 roads away from each other and go to work together.

I saw them out the other day and they had the same trainers on 😅😅😅

The wives like it - the cousins/ half siblings are a lovely little gang...thry babysit for each other, go on holidays together.... it's not for everyone (what is?) But they all seem to like it!

Agree and why our primary school as 3 classes per year say to parents they separate twins

Sorry, I didn’t take into consideration the adult twins.

Just because a majority say to separate, doesn’t mean it’s right for these twins. Every child is different.

Form is literally 15 minutes, if it starts the day off well before they go into separate lessons, etc then where’s the harm. Review it in Y8 when they’ve settled in.

I do know what you mean OP. My twins are due to go up next year too. They are identical but both have their own personality, sense of style etc. Small primary so they've always shared a class, they have their own friends but there is an overlap.

This sounds awful but schools today are often really undisciplined and having a twin as a staunch ally has meant they’ve had a much easier time in comparison to singletons. I think if school was better at dealing with bullying wether verbal or physical then I’d be much happier about them being seperated.