Page 5 | STAG DO

netmum23 · 2026-10-06T13:22:53+00:00

Unsure if this is the right thread but here we go anyway. DH is away next month for a stag do and one of the places booked is “adult risqué entertainment”, it’s not a strip club but within a pub environment with pole dancing, dance shows and adult entertainment (unsure if nudity). He’s been on plenty before but always always avoids the strip club part as this is not his taste whatsoever and he feels it’s a boundary being crossed on his part so I’ve never had to worry or feel anxious when he goes out. This feels different this time as it’s not a dull blown strippers but feels almost on the line of what feels comfortable. It’s silly I know as it’s just entertainment and nothing more. I wouldn’t expect or ask him to skip and come home early as this wouldn’t be fair but unsure how to deal with the overwhelming feeling of insecurity and jealousy on something that feels like boundary crossing but at the same time isn’t really? We have been together since we were teenagers and over 2 decades so I’ve been so used to being his first and only that it feels uncomfortable him being in a risqué environment knowing that it will be attractive women trying to be sexy/a turn on. How can I stop feeling so crazy as I really don’t want to ruin his night out? Am I being unreasonable feeling this way re the situation?

DurinsBane · 09/10/2026 08:23

Iceandfire92 · 09/10/2026 08:12

I'm sorry OP, but your post cracked me up. I hate to cast aspersions, but I sincerely doubt that your husband always gives the strip clubs a miss on stag dos. Where on earth does he go- does he kick a can in the street or sit in solitude on a park bench outside whilst his mates are in there?

I have also never heard of any pub environment where "risque adult entertainment" was permissable or on offer from the establishment, apart from some of the patrons who have been on something stronger than lemonade. I'm picturing it now "alright Dave can't wait to go down to the Royal Oak, watch the footy, have some real ale and a cheeky lapdance for good measure. Maybe a private dance in the back room next to the kegs. Didn't you know they have a pole in the private dining area, just like the Dog and Duck..."

He has evidently told you all of this to get you off his back. I worked in hospitality when I was younger and dealt with a lot of stag dos, believe me, no man is going to be skipping any part of his friend's stag. Please visit the venue as a united front with your DH and report back.

I would assume he went home? I am a man, and when I went on a stag do and they went to a strip club, I just told them I was calling it a night (though my wife said I should have gone in with them!) and got the train home.

ShopCake · 09/10/2026 08:33

netmum23 · 09/10/2026 08:09

DH is the same its not for him at all and even stags he’s been on abroad he’s stayed in the hotel when they’ve been going to the strip clubs.

best way to try and explain it is he’s not hurting me and it’s not invalidating our marriage etc, it’s me who will feel hurt if he sees someone other than me because I’ve been his only.

im not threatened whatsoever it’s more a feeling of pride that we’ve only needed and wanted each other.

no not at all, the venue is open until 3am and a lot of the videos are mostly just shows, acrobats, dancing etc but there’s been one or two that are a bit more extreme than that but unsure if that’s later on in the night when I know for sure DH wouldn’t still be there. So until he gets there he won’t know for sure the vibe but if it’s too much he wouldn’t stay.

DH is already planning an Irish getaway and that was before this place was even mentioned!

Anyone who uses the expression ‘an Irish getaway’ has clearly never been to Ireland and doesn’t know any Irish people.

Original poster

netmum23 · 09/10/2026 08:35

I’m glad the post provided some amusement for you and I am sincerely sorry that your experience in life has left you feeling this way.

I know for a fact DH has never gone and has always left, if local he heads for the train home and calls me for a drunken blether and when he’s been abroad he drunkenly calls me for directions back home as he’s been left himself as everyone has opted to go and FaceTimes me whilst eating his maccies in his hotel room. I’ve also been told by his friends that no matter how much convincing they try he always tells them no as it’s not for him, this group are more likely to dob him in to make themselves look better than to lie for him.

also when he’s been out (we have a joint bank account no other accounts) there have never been cash withdrawals, transfers to friends or any transactions other than the pubs! And before the suggestion of buying his friends pints so they pay him back at the strip club, that’s highly unlikely as he doesn’t spend much when he’s out as he’s not a big drinker, a couple pints and he’s ready for his bed!

definitely a proper pub/club premises, it’s new but it’s all above board as does offer “risqué” entertainment but from other posters I think it’s more theme show than seedy.

OP posts:

Original poster

netmum23 · 09/10/2026 08:37

Yes he does come home or retreats back to the hotel.

yeah neither have been to Ireland and know any Irish people, no idea where his expression has come from but don’t we all have a tendency to talk shite with our partners without worrying about fact checking or being careful with what we say?

OP posts:

Stuckonphone · 09/10/2026 08:42

ShopCake · 09/10/2026 08:33

Anyone who uses the expression ‘an Irish getaway’ has clearly never been to Ireland and doesn’t know any Irish people.

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Why? I don’t get it.

Brokentoes85 · 09/10/2026 09:54

netmum23 · 09/10/2026 08:35

I’m glad the post provided some amusement for you and I am sincerely sorry that your experience in life has left you feeling this way.

I know for a fact DH has never gone and has always left, if local he heads for the train home and calls me for a drunken blether and when he’s been abroad he drunkenly calls me for directions back home as he’s been left himself as everyone has opted to go and FaceTimes me whilst eating his maccies in his hotel room. I’ve also been told by his friends that no matter how much convincing they try he always tells them no as it’s not for him, this group are more likely to dob him in to make themselves look better than to lie for him.

also when he’s been out (we have a joint bank account no other accounts) there have never been cash withdrawals, transfers to friends or any transactions other than the pubs! And before the suggestion of buying his friends pints so they pay him back at the strip club, that’s highly unlikely as he doesn’t spend much when he’s out as he’s not a big drinker, a couple pints and he’s ready for his bed!

definitely a proper pub/club premises, it’s new but it’s all above board as does offer “risqué” entertainment but from other posters I think it’s more theme show than seedy.

Me thinks one doth protest too much.

We get it, hubby is a eunuch, who wants to protect his one and only whatever tf that means.

Missey85 · 09/10/2026 09:57

RomeoRivers · 06/10/2026 15:01

Is it not the same as a hen do going to see Magic Mike? I suppose it depends where it is on the scale of entertainment/ theatre vs proper strip club.

I actually don’t think it’s a bad idea for OP to go and check it out herself if it’s causing that much angst, but ultimately, you either trust your DH or you don’t.

If women do it it's just having fun if a guy does it his a pervert 😂 I've been to plenty of strip shows for hens parties and your right it's no different

Missey85 · 09/10/2026 10:00

Iceandfire92 · 09/10/2026 08:12

I'm sorry OP, but your post cracked me up. I hate to cast aspersions, but I sincerely doubt that your husband always gives the strip clubs a miss on stag dos. Where on earth does he go- does he kick a can in the street or sit in solitude on a park bench outside whilst his mates are in there?

I have also never heard of any pub environment where "risque adult entertainment" was permissable or on offer from the establishment, apart from some of the patrons who have been on something stronger than lemonade. I'm picturing it now "alright Dave can't wait to go down to the Royal Oak, watch the footy, have some real ale and a cheeky lapdance for good measure. Maybe a private dance in the back room next to the kegs. Didn't you know they have a pole in the private dining area, just like the Dog and Duck..."

He has evidently told you all of this to get you off his back. I worked in hospitality when I was younger and dealt with a lot of stag dos, believe me, no man is going to be skipping any part of his friend's stag. Please visit the venue as a united front with your DH and report back.

His spends the time trying to get the strippers to go to school 😂😂😂

Westfacing · 09/10/2026 10:01

we have two daughters together and because of this he is even more cautious and against things like this.

But you're both happy with pole-dancing?

Original poster

netmum23 · 09/10/2026 10:10

Seems like people are a bit spicy this morning.

so being faithful and having morals makes you a eunuch? Got it… it’s very very sad that it must be rare to find a loyal respectful man if they are accused of being weak for wanting only their wife.

ive also never said its just fun for a woman and Pervy for guys, I personally think its weird for both? I’ll never understand paying to ogle someone other than your partner but again each to their own, we all have our different boundaries.

neither happy with pole dancing? I’ve said that he’s told me he wouldn’t be happy with this and would leave?

and do you know what I’d much rather him be the type of man who would try and encourage strippers to go to school than get off to them.

OP posts:

Original poster

netmum23 · 09/10/2026 10:13

I’m never one to get argumentative or defensive especially on threads as I appreciate everyone has their own opinion and that’s what these forums are for but I do find it sad that a few of you have this outlook that men are weak or are liars for being against treating women like objects.

it shouldn’t be a rare find to have a DH who has morals and is a respectful family man/husband.

OP posts:

Original poster

netmum23 · 09/10/2026 10:27

@Brokentoes85and for “protect his one and only whatever tf that means”, DH and I have been together since we were 12 and have been together over 20 years (close to 25 if we’re being specific) and have grown with and up together. We have experienced losing a parent young, family breakdowns, miscarriages, health issues, pregnancy complications and having two daughters with additional needs/disabilities, we have been through hell and back multiple times standing by one another’s side so forgive me for having the type of marriage that we both are thankful for and for protecting at all costs, we are each others one and only sexually but much more than that. There’s no one else I’d rather be with and wouldn’t look or think twice about anyone else and neither does DH. Why does that make him weak or weird for not wanting to disrespect me? And again his own choices in life, he has never once been told what he can or can’t do, he naturally is just a kind hearted man who wouldn’t hurt a fly.

OP posts:

BlueSherbet · 09/10/2026 13:16

netmum23 · 08/10/2026 22:25

thanks everyone.

I just googled the Scottish city one and it’s extremely similar to the one where we are from. Appreciate your comments it was very insightful. Communication is key and I think that’s one of our marriage strengths so I’m sure all my overthinking will be for nothing!

No worries I am glad you found it helpful, even if I was not thinking of the right place. But maybe they have the same owner or similar, given you say they are similar.

Glad to help and don't apologise for "overthinking" - how you feel and your point of view is valid!

BlueSherbet · 09/10/2026 13:25

Iceandfire92 · 09/10/2026 08:12

I'm sorry OP, but your post cracked me up. I hate to cast aspersions, but I sincerely doubt that your husband always gives the strip clubs a miss on stag dos. Where on earth does he go- does he kick a can in the street or sit in solitude on a park bench outside whilst his mates are in there?

I have also never heard of any pub environment where "risque adult entertainment" was permissable or on offer from the establishment, apart from some of the patrons who have been on something stronger than lemonade. I'm picturing it now "alright Dave can't wait to go down to the Royal Oak, watch the footy, have some real ale and a cheeky lapdance for good measure. Maybe a private dance in the back room next to the kegs. Didn't you know they have a pole in the private dining area, just like the Dog and Duck..."

He has evidently told you all of this to get you off his back. I worked in hospitality when I was younger and dealt with a lot of stag dos, believe me, no man is going to be skipping any part of his friend's stag. Please visit the venue as a united front with your DH and report back.

I appreciate this post is based on your personal experience, but some men (and women) do skip these things.

One of my friends would routinely go and sit in a pub on his own for a few hours, if he was on a stag night that went to lap dancing.

I have declined every stag invite I have ever received* - I have absolutely no interest in them and the kind of activities they do and I am certainly not paying £100s to travel somewhere to end up sitting in a pub on my own while others are at lap dancing. I didnt have my own stag either, as I say - no interest.

(*been invited to 4, which isnt a lot granted but some friends had non conventional weddings. Tbf, I might not have been invited to some others, given people know I wouldnt go anyway).

The event I asked my OH to skip - she went to the night out beforehand, but then left when the others went to a nightclub with male strippers.

Thats a particularly seedy set-up, as after all the humping, groping, licking, w*nking and sucking is done, it reverts to a normal night club and the strippers re-enter as ordinary patrons to "finish what they started" if you take my meaning.

I would never tolerate my partner being at something like that.

BlueSherbet · 09/10/2026 13:28

Missey85 · 09/10/2026 09:57

If women do it it's just having fun if a guy does it his a pervert 😂 I've been to plenty of strip shows for hens parties and your right it's no different

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You are right to call out double standards and insist on moral equivalence.

However, I think to say its "no different" rather covers up the behaviour of women at these events, which revolve around drunk "ladies" committing sex acts with strippers, while their friends cheer and video the action.

There is a stark difference in the behaviour of the sexes, I sometimes wonder how much men actually understand what goes on at these women-orientated events. I am under no illusions however!

Onceadreamer · 09/10/2026 13:34

Iceandfire92 · 09/10/2026 08:12

I'm sorry OP, but your post cracked me up. I hate to cast aspersions, but I sincerely doubt that your husband always gives the strip clubs a miss on stag dos. Where on earth does he go- does he kick a can in the street or sit in solitude on a park bench outside whilst his mates are in there?

I have also never heard of any pub environment where "risque adult entertainment" was permissable or on offer from the establishment, apart from some of the patrons who have been on something stronger than lemonade. I'm picturing it now "alright Dave can't wait to go down to the Royal Oak, watch the footy, have some real ale and a cheeky lapdance for good measure. Maybe a private dance in the back room next to the kegs. Didn't you know they have a pole in the private dining area, just like the Dog and Duck..."

He has evidently told you all of this to get you off his back. I worked in hospitality when I was younger and dealt with a lot of stag dos, believe me, no man is going to be skipping any part of his friend's stag. Please visit the venue as a united front with your DH and report back.

Do you hate men? Genuine question. Since you seem to think so little of all of them.

Original poster

netmum23 · 09/10/2026 16:31

You sound very similar to my DH @BlueSherbet !

I don’t think people believe this type of man exists!

OP posts:

JenniferBooth · 10/10/2026 22:55

Missey85 · 09/10/2026 09:57

If women do it it's just having fun if a guy does it his a pervert 😂 I've been to plenty of strip shows for hens parties and your right it's no different

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But how would those guys feel if their partner was doing it as a job??!!!

bittertwisted · 10/10/2026 23:07

SpinandSing · 07/10/2026 12:52

It sounds like a place that is trying to attract both a male and female clientele. He won't know until he gets there what the atmosphere really is.

I think you need to take a big breath and trust in your partner that he will do what feels appropriate for him and for you both as a couple when he gets there. You can't be worrying about this if it's just a fun and lively entertainment venue. Please keep yourself super busy that night so you aren't obsessing. It sounds like you have a lovely relationship and no reason not to trust him.

Yes it sounds something like ‘lio’ which I’ve been to with my gay best friend, and absolutely loved it

CypressGrove · 10/10/2026 23:40

netmum23 · 09/10/2026 16:31

You sound very similar to my DH @BlueSherbet !

I don’t think people believe this type of man exists!

Of course these type of men exist. I'm more surprised that your DH will be the only one on this stag do, is the groom a connection but not part of his friendship group? On these type of events DH and a mate or two have had no issue skipping the bits the aren't comfortable with and just having a few drinks and a chat elsewhere.

CBAwithallthethings · 11/10/2026 10:17

I don’t really understand what your big fear is over this. That he will look at one of the dancers and feel turned on so therefore he shouldn’t go? Is that it?

Original poster

netmum23 · Yesterday 10:41

DH has decided that he’s going to go for the activities part but leave before they go to the venue. He doesn’t feel right going and would much rather head home.

OP posts:

ClaredeBear · Yesterday 20:34

netmum23 · Yesterday 10:41

DH has decided that he’s going to go for the activities part but leave before they go to the venue. He doesn’t feel right going and would much rather head home.

Doesnt surprise me, it didn’t sound like his cup of tea at all. This way he won’t miss out.