....to think that retiring away from the city is bonkers?

[NewGrandmummy]

Inspired by another thread about moving away from London with small children, I wonder if anyone else has done as I have done, and actually moved back to London (or another major city) as preparation for retirement?

I truly don't understand the 'let's retire to the seaside/a rural smallholding/a tiny village' that seems to be in so many older people's minds. Why do that at a time of life when you will most likely have to give up driving at some point? How will you get to the supermarket/doctor/dentist/hospital/cinema/pub etc?

I'd love to hear from those who've moved out of London/a city for retirement and regretted it, or those who, like me, are moving towards civilisation (rather than away from it) as they get older.

Well how terribly kind 😁

There are 2 sets of retired parents in our family, both in mid 80's.

The first lives in a not so nice town, the place we were brought up and it has gone downhill. It has good bus and train routes into the main city, my parent plays lots of sport, goes to a couple of clubs, goes to a learning centre and has people around them that they have known for 60 years. They are happy. One of my siblings keeps trying to talk them into moving to a place where there is a nice beach, nice walks and fresh air.

The second set have moved a couple of times to a "very nice house" without even looking at the transport facilities or the area they are going to live in. They are thoroughly miserable.

Having seen this, I have changed my mind about what you need in retirement. You need friends and things to do, rather than live somewhere nice.

Well it might be easy to move again when you're 80, but in reality how many people are in good health at that age? Certainly not many that I know. Come to think of it I don't know many people who'll be retiring at 60 either.
I'm 60 now and over the last couple of decades have been involved in care of quite a lot of elderly relatives and friends, quite a few of whom have kind of let old age sneak up on them without planning ahead, or have had sudden medical episodes like an unexpected stroke or heart attack even when they seemed in pretty good health. They've ended up still living in unsuitable places, either geographically, structurally, or both and it has made life difficult for them and for their families. Yes, you could move again at 80, but it's not always that easy, and in my experience at least, people of that age might not want the upheaval until they are absolutely forced into it, which can reduce the choice of where they ultimately go.
I'm not suggesting everyone moves into sheltered housing at 55 and sits around waiting to die, but I think it is prudent to think about future proofing. It's easy to have a romantic idea about old age but unfortunately that's not reality for a lot of people. I've seen too many elderly people struggling in isolated places and/or big houses with big gardens that they can't manage. None of them planned it that way, they just didn't plan for the almost inevitable decline in their health and mobility until it had happened. We don't want that to happen to us, or for our children to be left struggling to care for us, so when we move again we will be thinking about how practical it might be to live in the new place when we're 80 and/or one of us is alone.
I've had experience of being unable to drive in a place with no public transport when I was ill and unable to drive for 12 months after an accident. Yes, we coped, but even with DH and 2 able bodied teenagers in the house to help it was pretty shit. Even once I was physically improving I was more or less housebound as there's literally no public transport here and nothing within walking distance. It really gave me insight into what being old and frail would be like here, and then I wouldn't have the same expectation of recovery. I love where I live and have been very happy here but I know it's not sensible to stay here forever. I have no plans to live in a big city, there are lots of options in between, but I really wouldn't recommend people retire to very rural places especially if they don't have family there.

Couldn't have put it better. All being well my retirement could be 30+ years starting at 55. I've always looked after myself so if I'm still in good nick at 55 having a doctor, a supermarket, a purveyor of Werthers Originals and whatever else within walking distance will come a very distant second to living where I want to. My parents are knocking on 80 and have loved being retired in the sticks the last 20 years. Trying telling them they should be in a city centre flat or a suburban semi and see what they say!

As someone who worked at a place that supplied council funded living aid to the elderly and disabled, the only thing mad is when the move to the absolute arse end of nowhere! I am talking like a good 1hr on single track roads from the nearest small village that is also about 1hr from the biggest town, and they expect everything next day or yesterday etc. And then wonder why they cant get gorceries etc when they are snowed in for weeks on end..

I find it so weird that people don’t realise that London is often a series of very nice ‘villages’. I’m in SE London in an actual village in zone 2.

I’ve also made literally hundreds of friends/acquaintances since moving here as I’ve taken up 6 new hobbies since moving here a decade ago.

I never recognise what people who only visit London say on here, totally baffles me

My parents retired and downsized from a city to a large village, where they're in walking distance of a church they regularly attend, medical centre, shops, restaurants, friends' homes. There's a very active community - U3A etc - and an affluent city with theatre, cinema, galleries, concerts 20 minutes' bus ride away. They're loving life.

I do think moving to a very rural/isolated location in retirement is a mistake though. Other relatives live in a village with a once-daily bus service and nothing but other houses within a twenty minute walk. Any socialising requires a drive of 30 minute plus. It's okay as long as they can drive, but when they become frail and especially if they lose their licence, which seems likely within the next couple of years, there'll be nothing for it but to sit home and order meals on wheels.

I see this a lot in my area. People move to where I am (near the beach) for the lifestyle. It's a small rural town with a lot going on, but crap transport and the nearest large hospital is an hour away. It's fine when you are healthy and in your 60s. It's a problem by late 70's, becoming acute by your mid 80's, especially if you moved a long way from your family.

We are not set up for old age and multiple illnesses in this country. The conversations around adaptations, downsizing and care need to happen much earlier whilst people are still fit and well enough to cope with the disruption.

Well yes, that's exactly why I said none of us do...

To all the people insisting "there is public transport outside London you know" - in some areas it's effective but in others it really isn't.

I live in Bristol. As an example, there's a pretty "big" village called Doynton about 10 miles from central Bristol. Big in the sense that over 300 people live there, it has a church and a pub. It takes about half an hour to drive from there to the city centre. To get from Doynton to the hospital in the centre by bus would take an hour an 40 minutes, minimum. Including a half an hour walk to actually catch the first bus from the bigger main road! And again that's a walk on country roads that don't have pavements. Good luck, frail pensioners who have hospital appointments to get to.

My dad lives in a market town in North Devon and there is a hospital a mile up the road, with regular buses from round the corner he could catch to get there. Much more sustainable.

Hmmm yes, people should be able to retire wherever they want to of course, and a little rural hamlet several miles from the nearest A road, 4 miles from the market town, and surrounded by woodlands and river or canal is a dream for many.

So is retiring by the sea. Where I come from, (North Mids,) people tend to retire to West or North Wales or Mid Wales.....

Sometimes though, living rurally or by certain seaside towns, can be a curse as well as a blessing...

North Wales not so bad, West Wales and Mid Wales, a bit more difficult to get to, and less public transport... I have a neighbour in her mid 50s with 2 DC still at home (both late teens, she had them in her mid 30s,) and she has parents 25 years older than her. (So nearly 80.)

Her parents moved from Wolverhampton to Barmouth in West Wales as they love the town to holiday in and to visit, and they thought it would be a good idea to move there (7 years ago.) They both now cannot drive for various health reasons, and the journey on the train to Barmouth is 4 hours each way. The drive from Stafford where my friend lives is 3 hours by car. And her parents are always mithering her for something or other, thinking she can drop everything and go to them!

Also, they are 2 hours on the train from the nearest hospital that has A & E

Similar story with someone I know who has had their parents move to Lake Vyrnwy in Mid Wales (from Cannock,) and the journey there is a PITA! 2 hours involving quite a few winding, narrow country lanes!

People really need to think things through!

I am rural - 4 miles from the closest little market town, and 2 miles to the nearest A road, and no-one comes here unless they live here as the road doesn't go anywhere, we're off the beaten track IYSWIM. But we are only 20-30 minutes drive to 2 large towns, and 2 cities. Our 2 DC both live in one of the cities, so they're not far away if we suddenly needed them.

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Frequently I see in my job that there are difficulties moving to more remote places as you get older.
Particularly if becoming unable to drive, lack of public transport, expensive taxis. And needing carers but finding there are none available or willing to travel to remote areas .
General lack of amenities becoming more of an issue.
Moving to larger villages and market towns with more amenities seem a better idea.

My parents did this. My grandad died in the mid-90s and dad and his sister inherited their country cottage where they had grown up between them. Dad bought his sister out and when both parents took early retirement they retired there about 25 years ago when they were about 65.

Dad has now died and mum is there on her own. The cottage looks pretty but is fecking freezing as it has solid stone walls. The village where she lives is so small there is no shop. The nearest corner shop is 2 miles away, along a busy A road with no pavements. No takeaway delivery services. The nearest town is 6 miles away. There are 2 buses a day, one into town in the morning and one in the afternoon. One in the morning on a Satrurday, none on a Sunday. Taxis have to be booked far in advance. Mum does not do online shopping or anything and it is just as well she is still driving as she would be stuck without it.

There is no way I would want to be as isolated as she is.

My father retired from a city to a tiny village...........which was also abroad (with little or no planning)

Didn't speak the language (and point-blank refused to learn)
Terrible driver on equally terrible roads (wrote off three cars)
Moved into the middle of nowhere - ambulances/amazon/taxis/busses/deliveries - all no.
Fought incessantly with local authorities for being 'inefficient' (read: not British)
45 mins to the nearest supermarket (one way)
2-hour drive to the nearest decent hospital (one way)

Absolutely nothing to do locally - the village had 6 houses, no shops, no GP - they didn't even have community refuse services, and the nearest train station was an hour away to get to a large city.
He was also not welcomed by the locals - so no community - not their fault he went in telling them how they should do things and really annoyed them all

3-hour drive from the airport alone - not including cost and flight time - and you needed to hire a car due to the remote location (we refused to allow him to drive us)
Made a poor choice of housing for the local weather - unbearably boiling or freezing. Also unsafe botch jobs done by him on the plumbing and electrics because 'workmen refuse to come out this far'

Was unbothered about his cats' accidents, making sitting down somewhere or getting into bed a 'will this or won't this be wet' adventure

But would moan to anyone who would listen:

That no one went out to see him and help him (and we were terrible people)
We abandoned him
Withheld grandkids from him

I think there's two stages of old age. Active old age, after retirement to about 80, when if you're lucky you can still carry on enjoying the riverside walks and bus strips into town and days out without too much bother.
However - if my experience of three parents and PIL is anything to go by - once you reach your early 80s things start to decline rapidly, you can't (or shouldn't) drive anymore and can't get out to enjoy the fresh air, country walks and theatres. You can quickly become isolated.
We're planning to move somewhere more central in the next 10 years or so, and it's really difficult to focus your mind on the grim reality of aging rather than the near a train line, theatres and easy to get to London schtick, as once we reach 85, that will all be utterly irrelevant. Note: I know some people are still cycling etc at 100 - I am talking generally.
Tge problem is, once your realise you are at that stage, most people want to stay where they are, hence the issues.

I have to say though @NewGrandmummy that whilst I agree with you largely, I don't think people need to live in a city. Or a large town. As long as they're not too far from family, and shops and GP and so on, (like 15-20 minutes drive max,) that's OK.

I am getting on for 60, and couldn't think of anything worse than living in a city now.

yup. Everyone is entitled to choices and everyone's choices have consequences. I think the wills and POA's thing is also a matter of choice....but then I have no kids.

But say you suddenly have a stroke, or develop cataracts, or need your hips/knees replaced, and you CAN'T drive 20 minutes away to your shops, family, GP. If there isn't reliable public transport then how are you getting there, relying on taxis for everything?

I already live in a nice foresty village but it's pretty well connected. When I'm old though, I look forward to retiring somewhere far away from other people after a lifetime of tolerating their shit. If that means I can't access dental or medical care then at least I'll have geography to blame rather than the decades of austerity that have caused it so far.

@Devonsunset blimey, where on earth did your father move to? It sounds dreadful!

We live in a SW London village. I would never consider moving somewhere more remote when I retire as I can walk to everything I need, can access several hospitals by public transport (or get a cab), can be in central London in 20 mins and have access to all the museums/galleries/theatres/sport/gigs/bargainois lunch menus I want!

I have fabulous walking near me for my dog and great sports facilities.

The thought of giving this up to be in the middle of nowhere, potentially without a car, fills me with horror! The area I live in has an amazing community, everyone looks out for neighbours and I never go out without bumping into friends. It has all the advantages of a village with all the advantages of a city.

Well you would move to a large village WITH public transport, and some amenities in it. There are plenty such villages. Or you could move to a small market town.

Why on EARTH would anyone 60-65+ want to live in a city?

As I said, I couldn't think of anything worse. We visit the city once a month or so, and I hate it and can't wait to get back to my lovely quiet rural village.

I can only surmise that you are young.

My parents lived really remotely and rurally in their 80s and 90s and loved it. It was peaceful and quiet, lots of wildlife, days in the garden. They just used a taxi if they wanted to go out (say once a week) and had a supermarket delivery weekly. Anything that was urgent I used to get an amazon delivery for them. I realise it doesn’t suit everyone but old doesn’t mean that they are not suited to rural life.

@zov A tiny, tiny village in the middle of Spain - almost halfway between Madrid and Málaga, but very much off the beaten track and nowhere near a city

It's a bit depressing planning your life around the GP surgery and hospital. As someone else said I'd much rather have beautiful views from my house and take my chances.