....to think that retiring away from the city is bonkers?

[NewGrandmummy]

Inspired by another thread about moving away from London with small children, I wonder if anyone else has done as I have done, and actually moved back to London (or another major city) as preparation for retirement?

I truly don't understand the 'let's retire to the seaside/a rural smallholding/a tiny village' that seems to be in so many older people's minds. Why do that at a time of life when you will most likely have to give up driving at some point? How will you get to the supermarket/doctor/dentist/hospital/cinema/pub etc?

I'd love to hear from those who've moved out of London/a city for retirement and regretted it, or those who, like me, are moving towards civilisation (rather than away from it) as they get older.

I think posters are also underestimating just what an upheaval moving house would be when you are 80+. The example of a 25 year old living in a flat and moving 10 years later to have kids is not the same.

PILs are not rural, but in a house which is unsuitable for them for many reasons. No way could they cope with the upheaval of a move, they prefer to stay where they are in the unsuitable house because the thought of marketing a house, dealing with banks or solicitors, packing things up, finding/viewing another house, the physical move and unpacking again - it's just too much.

Well exactly! Of course living very rural/remote with no public transport and miles from anywhere may bite you on the arse when you are 70-80 years old or older.

But suggesting that everyone should live in he city is just daft. As I said, I certainly ain't living in the bloody city ta very much!

Haven’t RTFT yet (will do so),,,wanted to say to each, their own. However, we’ve just moved from outer suburban London life to Zone 2, in our late 50s/60s and absolutely love it. The accessibility of everything we need and enjoy, plus excellent public transport (and resident parking) for now, and loads of taxis when we aren’t driving anymore, or can’t manage tubes/buses…hopefully a long way off but you never know. We need to think of our immediate family eg adult DC who might not be able to drop everything to drive us around to appointments etc from a remote location, when we’re no longer able to. This is my ILs situation which is tough on everyone. The pretty, quiet bungalow (interestingly suburban to a big city, but just not near anything…even a bus stop) was a good idea, until it wasn’t. Private and secluded becomes isolated and lonely. By this, I don’t mean living in a rural location with village amenities nearby and a close knit community. It’s more about accessibility wherever you are.

We live in a SW London village

So London then... not a "village".

I have changed my mind about what you need in retirement. You need friends and things to do, rather than live somewhere nice.

Things to do - people you can meet if do not know - IL are finding that many people they do know are dying or busy so every year the social circle is getting smaller - I'd agree with.

Other wise is a house that either can or is reasonable if old age means loss of moblity - in a location that as much basic stuff can be done on foot as possible and rest accessible with some form of transport. Conditions limiting driving do occur.

But nice feeling safe to be out and with accessible ammenities is a good idea - nice as in looks nice ie pretty much less bothered by.

“Why on EARTH would anyone 60-65+ want to live in a city?*

I would and do. I am 65 and retired and love my city (not London). Not everyone dreams of a rural idyllic. I’ve had holidays in cottages in quite a few isolated areas and enjoyed the feeling of getting away from it all, but would Iwantto live there permanently? Hell no.

Well, I'm retired and I haven't moved away for that very reason.
I WOULD like to downsize, but as we never actually upsized, that presents some difficulty as the costs of moving in the south east (including stamp duty) are prohibitively expensive.
So, where I live there are good road and public transport links, good shops, cafes and cinemas all with a short bus ride away, etc

I had a stone built cottage too like @KassandraOfSparta says, above. Stunningly beautiful, but freezing! Surrounded by farmland, in between two towns, luckily a bus every two hours which took ages to get to either town, but no problem. Doctors & dentists in the nearby village (same bus to get to that) but the hospital was an hour away - expensive in a taxi, & no direct bus. No takeaways, of course, but at least I had supermarket deliveries (I don't drive.) Can't even have a walk as no pavements, just a strip of grass higher than road level, & drivers assume no pedestrians will be walking there & put their foot down.
I absolutely loved it, but had to move back to a city to look after ageing relatives. Since then, I've had many hospital appts myself as I get older, & am only about ten mins from a major teaching hospital.
Not saying you should do one or the other thing, but echoing others in that it IS something that needs considering.

Yes. Bought a flat this year. DD will use for uni for a couple of years, but DH and I are using it to dip our toes back into London living with a view to a full move back, to a larger place with a small garden, when he retires. Hopefully in 3 years (when DC have both finished uni) but possibly not for 5 years. He stays there Mon-Fri and I join when I can book dog sitters, or for weekends.

We love it so far - the shows, rock gigs, classical music concerts/ballet/Opera, Shakespeare in the park, art galleries/museums, the range of restaurants/bars/pubs, the South Bank/National Theatre, walks along the Thames, regular events throughout the year and decent shops (the high streets in my town and those nearby are all quietly dying). The flat is across the road from a good GP surgery and 5-8mins by uber/ambulance from many world leading hospitals. Between buses, tubes, ubers or even a Lime bike, we can get around easily - and without the hassle of driving (no parking costs or car expenses).

The only thing delaying us is a couple of mad spaniels, but we are hoping they may calm down - and slow down - in the next 3-5 years and adapt to the transition at that stage of their lives.

I do appreciate its not for everyone, but everything where I live is for younger people with small kids or silver-haired 70s+ and you have to drive everywhere!!

Until you are dealing with the grim reality it is hard to visualise what it can mean.

It does no harm to think about what you will do if/when decline starts. It can happen slowly or quite suddenly.

If you are assuming that friends/family will help have you dicussed this with them? Is your home adaptable/suitable if stairs become a problem? What happens if you cant drive?

You dont need a detailed Disaster Recovery Plan but at least give it some thought.

I'm so with you. I fully plan to move back to London when I retire. Lots to do, great public transport, so no car needed and excellent hospitals etc

This is acreally interesting thread and while I would say no one size fits all, at 56 I’ve realised our own dreams of retiring to the countryside might need a rethink. Mainly because both husband and I seeing both sets of parents in mid to late 80s and in diminishing health, have to deal with not driving and living far away from family (we all moved as young adults, not them). Weekly appointments to healthcare needed and increasing reliance on friends none of whom are getting any younger.

Thankfully both sets living in suburbs and near good transport links but mobility is an issue and both wish they’d downsized in their 60s. I realise this is more about downsizing than rural living but still.

So our plan is to stay where we are not look wistfully at small rural villages with beautiful stone cottages and focus on what we do have for longer term independence. We are lucky to live within a ten minute walk of a train station with a 15 min trip to city centre with woodland on our doorstep and a beach two miles away. But it’s so surburban we have idealised rural life for post last child finishing uni. The reality of our parents’ situation has definitely changed my mind but husband still wistful.

Do you not think it's slightly depressing to have the attitude that at 56 you don't want to pursue your ideal lifestyle for what, easily 20-30 years, because at some point you might need to move again?

Easily 20-30 years is pretty optimistic. I think if that were an accurate and reliable estimate, the decision to move at 56 might be a different one.

I half agree with you, I sometimes have mobility problems and I'd hate to live where it was really hard to get anywhere. However, the second last place I'd want to live is London. Ive been there when unwell and I was sworn at, pushednand rammed into multiple times for the crime of walking slowly on the tube.

Any middle ground is better, What's the point in all the services of you have to navigate round huge crowds and only use them when quiet.

Having tried it, for 6 years, best think about services, shopping, medical help distance, poor bus/routes etc if driving ceases and the sheer insular behaviour of some villagers,

My late DH and I moved back to a London suburb, with lots of leafy places. 👍

I've no idea why it's so hard for people to accept that other people have different preferences and are allowed to make different choices, without anyone being "bonkers" or wrong in any way!

I left a city for rural life and I love it. I'm not retired yet, but there's no way I will move back to a city, because for me, city living is miserable. I want my garden, my many animals, my access to places to walk. Those things will matter more to me than easy access to shops and dentists.

We can all make choices that best suit ourselves and our preferences!

At 56 all things being well you should easily have 20 years before you are completely unable to manage anything.

I plan to retire around 60 and will absolutely be making decisions about where I might live on the basis enjoying my retirement and life while I can rather than whether I am on a trainline to the nearest A&E department.

So not 20-30 years, and no guarantee of all things being well. However you slice it, not having to move again til as old as 86 whilst also being willing and able to engage in a significant relocation is a pretty optimistic scenario.

Obviously you should make whatever decisions you like, I'm referring only to your comment about someone else's less best case assuming choice being depressing.

I'm not 65 (or even 45 yet) but my dream retirement would be something like a flat in Copenhagen or Amsterdam or Lyon as opposed to a cottage in the country. I grew up on the side of a Pennine in the Yorkshire Moors and have had quite enough of quiet green space.

I used to work in the NHS and have seen and dealt with many other people's grim reality as well as my own mother's and my in laws. Its why I don't believe in forever houses. But move back to a city? well I will never name the well I won't drink from so lets just say highly unlikely....

one of the reasons that i won't leave my rural location without a fight is my lovely dentist. He is MUCH younger than me, hopefully he will see my teeth out.

YANBU the elderly and infirm in laws, one who isn't allowed to drive at night and the other who uses a mobility scooter, moved to a rural idyll a few years ago (when the health issues were already starting). They're miles form civilisation, don't have public transport on their road (and it's about 1.5 mile walk to the nearest bus stop). The supermarket does deliver to them but it's more difficult to get stuff generally - no Uber eats and taxis are difficult to find.

We worry how they'll cope as their health deteriorates further. They're 2 hours from us and even further from DHs siblings. I don't think they thought long term when they moved. Their old home was much better situated.

Well yeah, 20-30 as I said....

Maybe not 30 years, but at 76 a large number of people are still more than capable of living independently. My gran was still managing more or less by herself at 90.

But I do still think it's defeatist and somewhat depressing to think "well, I'm fine now, but I might not be in 20 years so I'll base my planning and enjoyment based on that, rather than doing what makes be happiest now".

Fuck that. You only get one life. Sure, have a plan so that when you do start to need more support you can access it, but that doesn't mean completely giving up on plans and dreams. I'm not spending 30+ years working to not enjoy my retirement to the fullest extent possible.

I suspect you won't feel the same when you are 90.