AIBU: people calling it peri-menopause instead of menopause

[Joyful26]

ok firstly I know that technically you are in peri-menopause, then the menopause itself is literally the day your period stops altogether- then after that one moment in time you are post-menopausal.

But people always calling it peri-menopause is clearly to indicate that they are actually still really young and nowhere near the menopause itself yet.

I think that’s why it grates on me so much. Because on the one hand they’re championing the issues that affect women etc, but at the same time making it clear that they themselves are actually very young and youthful- yet not afraid to mention these issues.

for what it’s worth I can’t be bothered faux-impressing anyone and I just call it the menopause.

but every single one of my friends calls it peri-menopause or they’re simply’peri’. We’re all mid 40s.

just saw someone on LinkedIn purporting to do a Women’s rights post, someone in her 50s commented about the menopause, and the original poster replied but talked about peri-menopause.

AIBU or a people who call it peri-menopause just a bit vain? 😅

I am 52, still have periods. I am peri-menopausal. I´m sorry if that upsets you.

I'm in a minority here, but I agree with the OP. It used to be called "going through the menopause". Despite what people say, that seems to me a clearer term than "peri-menopause", which gets used in an irritatingly vague and broad way.

It's really odd to complain about the correct term being irritatingly broad and vague whilst suggesting using the wrong term in a way that is far broader and vaguer than it's actual meaning 🫤

But that’s just inaccurate and tells whoever you’re talking to that you are in full early menopause.

How pushed for time are you that adding ‘peri’ frees up enough time to make the inaccuracy worthwhile?

Menopause is a specific medical term meaning 12 months since your last period and can occur naturally or be induced surgically or chemically. Peri-menopause as you’ve stated is the chaos leading up to it and can last 10 years. They are distinct events and not everyone will experience a perimenopause or be symptomatic. Seems an odd thing to get worked up about OP, women using the correct terminology to describe their situation?

By "announcing" they have stage 4 cancer they are telling you they have metastasic cancer and the chances of coming out victorious are pretty low. But yeah, just "nonsense".

Why would peri-menopause make us loonies? It's something all women experience.

@SleeplessRoads i be you wish you hadnt used that analagy to make a point! I got what you were saying. So many havent!!

It only gets more stupid on second reading.

People don't say they have stage 4 cancer to sound "more special" than people who have stage 1 cancer. FFS.

It is an ignorant, and incredibly offensive "analogy" that doesn't make the point she thinks she is making. HTH.

Yes that's her point...

I don’t even know if I’m menopausal let alone peri. How do you know you are peri? Is it by age?

I don’t have periods due to the pill so I have no idea if I’m menopausal or not although I am the right age. 🤷‍♀️

Exactly this. You are incorrect OP. For years it was called Menopause, which is incorrect while you have periods. Menopause is when they stop and tiny duration of time. After the moment they stop it is post menopausal.

It's based on symptoms, usually. Vaginal dryness, hot flushes, insomnia, irritability, brain fog and others.

Ok. But you, and others, didn't realise it was an analogy.

Fuck me sideways.

All women go/have been through perimenopause. It just wasn't called that historically.

As understanding has increased, language developed to reflect that greater understanding. That's all. Eg it wasn't too long ago that GP's wouldn't prescribe HRT if your periods were still regular and now they do.

I don't have an issue with it for that reason.

However, it has become a bit of a buzzword. My bug bear is women in their early 30s adopting it as soon as they're frustrated about something etc. Eg posts on here - my partner is doing X and its really upsetting me. Is he in the wrong or am I just peri? But it also feeds into the misogynistic trope that women over 30 are redundant, unreliable, a bit useless and generally past their best.

It also irks me how 'peri' is used to dismiss women's genuine and legitimate concerns (on here in particular). I posted (under a different name) a while ago about stress and burnout at work due to increased workload and excessive micromanagement etc. Half the responses told me it was 'just' or 'sounded like' peri and I should go onto HRT. The last thing we need is that message being picked up by wider society!

Now, I'm 52 so, to quote my GP, "You are going to be perimenopausal due to your age," but unless my 30something male colleagues who were experiencing the same work issues were also 'peri' that suggestion was overly simplistic, didn't explain what was happening and wasn't actually helpful at all. It just shuts women down and makes it our own problem.

I just find it very dismissive There's an general assumption now (especially on MN) and a theme that all women are docile, compliant, self sacrificing, people pleasers until they hit 'peri' and every frustration expressed or boundary set is 'just' because they've 'found their fire' and are reacting to shit because of 'peri'. It doesnt feel supportive.

So we've just found another way of minimising women's concerns by dismissing them as 'peri' and it's mostly women doing it to other women.

It's not an analogy when it is factually so far off the mark. It is ignorance. She doesn't know there are stages of cancer with stage names that are meaningful - life or death shortly meaningful. People aren't bragging when they say they have stage 4 ovarian cancer, for example. It's a factual and very sad diagnosis.

My peri started at 38 and ended at 53. Im now post menopause. Thats it. Not the same thing at all. Peri still.produces periods. Post menopause doesn't. The young women talking about their peri could have symptoms like i did. Its not one size fits all.

Good for you🙄

I use perimenopausal to mean "peri" like peri-peri, in nandos. 🌶️ 🌶️ 🌶️

People are neuro spicy; I'm meno-spicy. It's when your hormones make you incredibly hot, slightly fiery of temperament, and best served with a pastel de nata 🥮.

@SleeplessRoads is saying that you don't say someone with Stage 4 cancer is describing their Stage 4 cancer as 'more special' and hence you don't use that as a reason to say this is wrong and all cancer should just be called 'cancer'. She is explicitly denouncing that approach.

@SleeplessRoads is making the point that you should use the correct medical terminology to describe the different stages of cancer and that that is generally what people do, and that the same rule of accuracy should be applied to all things medical that have different stages or presentations (including menopause).

I'm beginning to think the second paragraph is only visible to some of us because I don't understand how people are spectacularly missing the point 🤯

No, I'm sorry but you still don't seem to grasp the point at all

Spell it out for me, then.