To be appalled that parents need to be supported by government to potty train their child

[Wisefishswimpast]

That^^

Why are these parenting fails happening? - not potty trained for starting school, tooth extractions in young children, rising obesity rates….

Is there no accountability?
Why is this happening?

YANBU - parenting standards have declined which is terrible

YABU - this is how things are because….<explanation>

I know there will be exceptions to the above, for example certain health conditions, late maturation of signals between brain and bladder. I am referring to the more widespread rise in these instances.

There are lots of sources for help - children's centres, toddler groups, friends/siblings with children, books and online information, charities. Children who have additional needs - parents can access support from the professionals working with their children

I am that parent. I asked about support with teaching reading/ writing / phonics as my son was interested.

Pages of pages of people telling me I was being ridiculous and a tiger mom and hot housing him and that if he did manage to learn he will be bored at school.

I am stubborn so I ignored, but most wouldn’t have done - so I don’t think it’s the parents in that circumstance. It’s Britains very strange attitude to education and then we wonder why the second gen immigrants out do us at school.

Kids are pacified with screens so parents get wildly overwhelmed when their child is unsettled. It's like parents are afraid of upsetting their children.

I agree people shouldn't shout at or shame a child but it's ok to say, I know you like having a nappy but it's time for big kids pants.

As an ex-primary teacher I agree with pretty much everything that's been said so far. And there's definitely
been a massive parenting decline post-covid.

Absolutely agree with the shame thing. People should feel at least embarrassed, if not ashamed about neglecting their children!

The two-parents working full time excuse is always trotted out in discussions like this, but out of all the two-income families we grew up with, and raised our kids with (youngest is only 8!), the only child I know that wasn't potty trained by 3 was severely autistic.

like you the first baby I held was my own and I was 32! i was also living in a foreign country and had no support network until I took Ds to a mums and tots group when he was about 12 months. Yes, it is hard but that’s not an excuse for (in some cases) lazy parenting.

It's not "talk", oral hygiene is part of the early years curriculum and many schools and early years settings are incorporating tooth brushing as part of their daily routine.

I've said you're not unreasonable to think that. But it amazes me if you are genuinely surprised. Surely you've seen headlines about how many teachers are leaving because parents are expecting them to parent, not teach? And despite the fact there's more people now, parks are empty compared to a few decades ago, because a lot more people give their child screens instead of taking them out. At home, they're on screens, in nappies.

SureStart centres supporting parents a lot.

My oldest was ready before 2 yo but we had to wait because that's when his nursery room was set up for it. He had terrible eczema and nappy rash and was ready. Other than waiting, nursery were a great help.

I think about 2 yo felt average to me. Google says the potty training age in the UK is 3.5 yo.

My children are grown now but born in the eighties and they were both toilet trained by about 18 months old. There were just standards before they could enter reception of things they had to achieves. We were both working so we just made time to do those things. I remember receiving a list very similar to this and we made sure they could do all these things on the list before they started. Are parents not doing this anymore?

Yes. Many threads I’ve see on here where someone says that they have their children do 30 minutes of homework daily and there will be posters making out like that is unreasonable. Absolutely bonkers. 30 minutes isn’t even long especially when it is something they’re interested in.

Don’t be ridiculous.
my father died when I was six months pregnant and I lived over 1000 miles away from my mum when my son was born - advice and information is available.

Has the Princess of Wales' early years initiatives helped in any way about these issues with preschool kids? If it's not part of that agenda maybe it should be, I mean who wouldn't listen to Kate about this? 😊

In another world, if I were a reception teacher I would be demanding from my union that children be accepted only when fully potty trained. Maybe that's the case now, but if it isn't...... it should be. That would focus the mind!

Also we had no village or support. We lived in a city 100 or 200 miles from family. There was plenty of advice about 15 years ago. I would think there is more now?

Considering the NHS (and medical professionals like HV)advised for more than 10 years to wait until they are ready/show signs of readiness and only recently shifted, are you surprised?

Perhaps we really do need to go full on Brave New World. No need for parents at all, the government does it all.

100% agree. My niece is in nursery, about to turn 2 yo and is being supported with potty training.

@Wisefishswimpast Some parents with Sen kids are lazy as fuck as well. My DS1 was diaper free at 4 but it was hard work. Refused to cut his hair or brush his teeth. With the hair I cut some while he slept and for the teeth I had to pin him down and force him. It was a litteral fight until he was 6 years old. He's now 16 and has never had a single decay in his life yet. You have to pick your battles they say, well I would say that health and hygiene is a hill I would die on.

Surely you want to train your child and n personal hygiene? I didn’t want our children to be taught toileting or teeth brushing by someone else

Seeing them be chuffed with themselves when they finally tied laces, or did a tie properly are moments you never get back.

Toilet training doesn’t take long.

Actually none of these skills take long it’s just stuff you do with your child along side you.

What a waste of teacher’s time. They could be having much more fun learning songs, or how trees grow or whatever instead of waiting for kids who have pissed themselves or can’t move a brush across their teeth.

Yes the parents do get judged, silently by other parents who think you have failed as a basic, ever so basic, parent and it is your child bearing the brunt of your neglectful laziness. And it is neglect.

Your child needs you to do this, find the time.

Yes that is the theory of why alot of children were happy to stay in nappies because they cant feel anything. My DD was in pull ups on and off while we were trying to potty train her I introduced training pants that were supposed to be absorbent whilst still soaking through so she knew she had wet or pooed herself.

We had to have several attempts at it though because she didnt seem to care how many times she would wet herself until it finally clicked and she started using the potty/toilet. The trick is to keep trying which i think alot of people probably give up on or dont even start to begin with because for some reason they dont want to persevere with it even though its so much better having a potty trained child.

Easier to pass them an ipad or iphone than do any parenting.

ah yes “The kid will train when they’re ready myth”! I got stung on that one. Also the number of women that told me their child got it in 3 days. After two weeks of accidents, I begged these women to tell me how they did it in 3 days… then I eventually got the confession… the day care trained them. And in fact, they were told to drop them off in nappies and the day care would train them during the day and when they were fully trained during the day, the day care informed the parents to stop the nappies.. and how long was that? “Oh about 3 months”. 3 days my arse.

22 years ago a preschool nursery which they started at 3 would not accept children who were not toilet trained.
So most parents started around 2.5 year.
You were lucky if it was the summertime.
Just bought lots of little pants as many changes and accidents will happen. Fully dry within 10 days.

ah it's the Tories' fault, course it is- don't forget to blame the Daily Mail, I've got my mumsnet bingo card out now

I remember courses for parents but mainly mums back in the very early 2000s run by Sure Start for young parents whose own parents had no idea about how to raise a child or children of their own. So this knowledge and help didn’t come from their own families. It was disturbing for us to see how widespread this was in the south east but how many mums reached out for help knowing they weren’t coping. Sadly Sure Start got hit by new government and courses like this stopped.

I was so shocked when I learned that some children start school having never held a book. There are 100% parents out there who are failing.