To be appalled that parents need to be supported by government to potty train their child

[Wisefishswimpast]

That^^

Why are these parenting fails happening? - not potty trained for starting school, tooth extractions in young children, rising obesity rates….

Is there no accountability?
Why is this happening?

YANBU - parenting standards have declined which is terrible

YABU - this is how things are because….<explanation>

I know there will be exceptions to the above, for example certain health conditions, late maturation of signals between brain and bladder. I am referring to the more widespread rise in these instances.

I see on here time and time again 'I don't think my 3/4 year old is ready' to potty train. And the answers are always along the lines of 'he'll do it when he's ready, you're the Mum, you'll know'
FFS get the children out of nappies by 3, into pants, if they wet, they wet.
Mine couldn't go to playgroup unless they were potty trained. My God did every parent ensure their children were potty trained just to get a break. Few parents had their children in nursery care so the options were potty train your children or keep them at home until school age

Yes both of ours were in nursery and the nursery was so helpful with potty training. We had a really great nursery, staff were great. Plus I think there’s a social element in the sense that hardly any of the children were in nappies once they moved into the pre school room, so even though I’m sure nothing was ever said, a child would notice all their friends were going to the loo while they were still being changed.

table manners seemed to have lapsed when you see families scrolling though their phones when out for a meal. We need to model the behaviour we expect from children.
when I was a parent reader at school I often had lunch with the children and on my table they were expected to say please and thank you, not get down without asking and use cutlery. I helped them to cut up food and encouraged appropriate behaviour. (Not a uk school)

I have a friend who is a retired nurse, and she's adamant that disposable nappies are to blame. Changing disposable nappies is a faff, but I should imagine that it's much worse if you're using the old terry-towelling nappies, even with liners.

At least disposable nappies don't require you to wash them.

My Ds grew up in Germany and the kindergarten would not take children who were not potty trained.

Um yes it’s terrible

and very fucking lazy.

Noone has to have children. If they can’t be bothered or don’t have time to parent properly then they shouldn’t have them.

Yes it is small proportion. I could have probably taken two weeks max though. But my hand was forced by my job and I’m sure others would be in the same situation.

That being said, whether I took three days or two weeks or I was a sahm, potty training is still exhausting and stressful.

Would love to understand how you found the experience of potty training a child? Not a dig, just curious.

Parents have been told to wait until children are 'ready'. Trouble is what does that even mean? Modern nappies mean children learn to ignore their body's signals and there is no incentive to be clean and dry. Our local authority recommends Eric 123 potty approach and I think it's really good. Being 'ready' isn't part of it!

I think its the lack of support overall. When my DD age 3 was struggling to potty train, I got support and advice from my health visitor who at age 3 I still had regular contact with.

Family's often live further away from each other, grandparents still in full-time work. Both parents working full-time. Some skills are not passed down. I see a big differents in support, or lack.of it depending on family dynamics.

Which is great in many ways but not so much if you have a child with physical disabilities or developmental delays who were denied access to education.

Disposable nappies have been around for years. The situation with the number of children not being trained when they start school has increased in the last ten, five years?

There are still many children's centres doing the same work as surestart. Although the labour council where I work just shut a chunk of them unfortunately.

And the issues with toilet training late are a relatively new thing, 30 years ago there were very few children's centres but average age of toilet training was much earlier, so I don't think the issue can be linked.

It’s parents not doing what they should be most of the time. I also strongly believe a lot of the so called Sen is neglect during the early years, not failure to feed or keep clean, but failure to communicate with your dc face to face ideally in the first 3 years of life. I have friends currently doing extensive research on this and I am very interested in the outcome. Screens are mostly to blame, not even giving the child a screen but parents glued to them

I think our understanding of psychology has evolved but society hasn’t.

In that we’re forcing families to adhere to one social contract (having them potty trained by school) whilst simultaneously understanding that shame, guilt, enforcement, coercion and embarrassment aren’t the acceptable ways to bring about that skill development. (Well…most parents of school aged kids understand that.)

We also have a society which has removed early support, surestart, health visitors and instead emphasised information from websites and social media removing the human connection. And a society which requires, often, both parents working and an excess of socialising and going out to clubs and entertainment. One that has prioritised the buying of goods to solve a problem.

And mangoes…apparently.

Is it a shame there needs to be government intervention, well yes, but that doesn’t mean that parents, in the majority, aren’t doing their best. And it doesn’t mean kicking your kids out until the streetlights came on was any better.

And some more mangoes.

Kindergarten is not mandatory so no child was being denied an education.

Ffs people shouldn’t need help with basic parenting! This attitude is why we are in such a mess

Can I ask, did you find it harder than you were expecting it to be? Genuine question.

There wasn’t necessarily children’s centres but there was toddler groups, preschool playgroups and health visitor clinics where everyone was invited to go, rather than select offerings.

So many smug responses on here. Some people weren’t raised well themselves and have nobody in real life to ask for advice / support. Should they just never have kids?

I’m glad the government is stepping in. Though I think it was really effective when done through sure start centres so it would be better if those were reopened.

I think people have always needed help with basic parenting. But that help used to come from family and community.

I would actually agree with this.
dc 1 & 2 we used cloth nappies. Dc 3 & 4 we used disposable. The urge to train just wasn’t there with 3 & 4, and we were in London with a nursery who were very much ‘when they’re ready’ mindset.
dc 4 had profound deafness and was much harder to train. He was out of nappies by 3.5 years and the latest. However, it was only moving back to France and the nurseries helping that we cracked it.
i do wonder if it’s the cultural differences. In France, most people do the same thing. In the uk, there’s so many mixed messages

I agree that it's not a basic fruit, especially when you're poor. Mangoes are the expensive fruits. My mum would buy things like apples, bananas and pears. The cheap fruits that you can get big bags of.

I probably did know what a mango was but I don't think I actually ate one until I was at least 10. I can see why some kids wouldn't instantly recognise one.

My DM is a TA and she has an 8 year old in her class who had never sat on a swing! His mum said the park was boring so she never took him and he spends his days in front of the TV or tablet. Then she's confused that he struggles with speech and dealing with emotions.
I have 2 SEN DCs and they were both potty trained by 2.5. I didn't give them the option to use nappies, just took them away and had potties nearby. Luckily I had hard flooring throughout the house at the time, but they both were done and dusted in 3-4 days. I think there is too much emphasis on being led by the child at the moment and that is causing the delays.

What absolute bollocks. You are obviously an advocate of the ‘it’s always someone else’s fault’ school of thought.

And those that do need help? Literally every couple I know asked their own parent(s) for advice. But people with no parents to help should, what, be banned from having kids?! Disgusting attitude.