To think this doesn’t sound “super posh”

[Stayinganontoday]

For context I’m not British born nor raised. I was taking to a good friend of mine, and it came in conversation that I had “paid help” when growing up. I told her that yes, we had a cleaner, a nanny, and a handyman that came with the house (he helped built it!)

She told me that she didn’t realise I came from such a posh background, and although I know I was privileged, that in itself doesn’t make it sound so posh. My husband thinks it doesn’t sound posh per se, and it’s more of a cultural
difference. So what do you all think?

I am British yes, but I don’t think it matters what country you’re from you must be quite posh wherever you are to afford maids, Nannie’s and gardeners especially all three.
After all the maids most likely don’t have their own maids!

I am British yes

Thought so. I rest my case and don’t need to
defend my case no further.

You had generational privilege and were in the higher income and wealth brackets for your country, by the sounds of it. A nanny who cared for you to such an extant you visit her when you return is on par with posh families in the UK (e.g. Tiggy). I'm not surprised it sounded posh to your friend.

Does it matter, though?

You grew up in a very different country with a very different economy. You will have been privileged in some ways compared to the vast majority of people in the UK, and possibly underprivileged in others.

It’s a cultural difference. Having staff in this country is comparatively expensive, though becoming more common as more women work full time in well paid jobs. I’ve had friends from countries like Brazil and Malaysia where having staff was fairly normal for professional people.

That’s ok. I still can’t think of a single country where an average person would have a maid, gardener and nanny. Definitely posh wherever in the world you are

I don’t think it’s a common experience for many people throughout the entire world

Despite the numerous posts from people from a variety of countries all explaining it is very normal for middle class to have maids/nannies/gardners/drivers etc.

Uk cleaners could afford cleaners in the kind of country OP is from. That's the point. The labour is so unbelievably cheap, it's really common to have 2 or 3 house helps.

No the maids in the Philippines, some of the lowest paid people in the world don't have their maids. I'm not sure what that's got to do with the fact OP isn't "posh" because in an impoverished country she and millions of others could afford the equivalent that a UK cleaner could.

It's sounding a lot like Mexico, which is about as cheap as you can get, labour wise. I think it's probably only surpassed by Phillipines and India.

If OP was from a country where a cleaner, nanny and gardener were quite unusual for a normal household, then she would be considered well off. She isn't.

Some people’s definition of “middle class” seems to be private school, country Manor and ponies though….

The average Indian dosent have maids, only wealthy people do, just one example. Wherever you live you are well off if you can afford more than one servant

UK cleaners could afford cleaners if they lived in the ops country.
Maybe I’m being dense to not understand this sentence? Uk cleaners are not living in ops original country so why would that matter?

I don’t use posh to be insulting just rich but throughout the world you are very well off if you can afford cleaners, gardeners and nannies

We had a cleaner and a nanny growing up in England and I don't think we were particularly "posh" . My parents just had four children and busy jobs.

My mum's old nanny was very much part of the family and like an extra grandparent to me. We used to do baking with her and go on walks with her. My mum grew up with a nanny, housekeeper and a gardener but that was fairly commonplace then

Average as in population numbers? No.

That's why the lower middle class in countries like India/Philippines can source such cheap labour because there is a large percentage of the population in poverty.

But a professional couple/family in India would definitely have a maid. Lower middle class. So say a office worker with a SAHW. Or a teacher. Or a shop owner (depending on the shop).

Well.... yeah. A lot of middle class people went to private school. Several have ponies. But you do understand it's not about possessions. Katie Price has ponies.

Most middle class do not live in manors, that's not the word for a sort of a big house. It's for literally the "Lord of the Manor." The finest and grandest.

Definitely not OP.

My Aunt lived in Kenya in the 1960/ 70s, she wasn’t rich by any means, but they had a “houseboy” who basically did all the fetching and carrying, all the mucky and menial stuff. They also had a housekeeper and gardener. This seemed to be the norm for white people over there at that time.
She told me all about the houseboy, that they clapped their hands twice for him to appear! I remember being very shocked by this… I was 8,9 years old.
Im still shocked now in my sixties!

I would question if it mattered?

Im from the UK and had an au pair , cleaner and gardener as a child. When I had my babies In the last decade , we had a house keeper who’ve we now don’t have due to circumstances change and just have the gardener and cleaner (seen as normal).

I think it depends on where you’re from as to what’s normal. When we were in Dubai for years, we had- A chauffeur , chef nannny but it was culturally normal and everyone had that? In England , maybe not so much?

I don’t know if I’d describe it as posh but more needed - parents or us having jobs that require the help and Assistance and being in a position to financially do so.

To be described as posh to me would be to have all that without necessarily needing to. Due to the jobs / life we lead we’ve needed it rather than it being a luxury.

Live in staff is very unusual and having a weekly cleaner was pretty unusual until the 25/30 years ago. 3 staff is very posh in the uk

You never know what someone means when they say “middle class” most of us take it to be the average person but online I’ve seen it used to refer to people far, far above average.

I don’t believe the average family in any country in the world has a cleaner, Gardener and nanny.
I don’t think it’s something for the op to beat herself up about though

A human who ‘comes with the house’ is very posh in my opinion. What is ‘very posh’ is subjective, to someone like me who grew up on a council estate people who have ‘help’ are posh. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just what it is.

My friend works for a company based in South Asia, all the management, even some administrative staff have live in help, usually a little room off the kitchen, it’s cheap, they see it as helping a family from the country as typically the help is a young lady and they go to some classes it seems. They are amazed that even senior managers in the U.K. drive their own cars and at most have a cleaner once a week

Sorry but that's not what most people think.

This is reminding me very much of the interview of the girl on benefits where the interviewer was discussing class and asked the girl if she had ever considered what class she was, and when she looked confused he offered "I would consider you as working class" and she replied "well, nah cos I've never worked."

I also appreciate that despite numerous posters telling you that it is indeed very normal in many countries, for most families, including shop workers, teachers etc, to have several house helps, you can not accept this information. There's not really much anyone else can do about that.

Definitely! Having a cleaner or nanny alone is posh- but all three of those? Very posh! I am very jealous- wish I had a cleaner & handyman!

How is that not posh? Plus people saying many people have them now, is it not a relatively new thing?

Absolutely normal for families of the middle class and above in many countries. So no, I wouldn’t call it ‘posh’.

I’m also not British.

Seems obvious that you’re either the Haves - and can pay lesser humans to do the shitwork, or you’re the Havenots - and you are the people doing the shitwork. Same, across countries and cultures.

All this - oh it’s normal for people to have hired help in my country - oh come on! It’s only ever the circa 20% that have this.

if that’s you - clap for you, well done for either being born into money or fighting into the class above (rare) if it’s not - well that’s 80% of folks and let’s not romanticize the lives of the working classes throughout history and across countries, including now

You move to another country as a wealthy foreigner and live in an expensive neighbourhood and only interact with other wealthy people (by said countries standards) and come to the conclusion it’s “normal” there to have helps.

That’s pure selection bias.