To think this doesn’t sound “super posh”

[Stayinganontoday]

For context I’m not British born nor raised. I was taking to a good friend of mine, and it came in conversation that I had “paid help” when growing up. I told her that yes, we had a cleaner, a nanny, and a handyman that came with the house (he helped built it!)

She told me that she didn’t realise I came from such a posh background, and although I know I was privileged, that in itself doesn’t make it sound so posh. My husband thinks it doesn’t sound posh per se, and it’s more of a cultural
difference. So what do you all think?

Does it really matter?

Depends where you grew up.
In some countries (for example parts of South Africa) that used to be fairly normal for some (white) families to have paid help.
No idea if it is normal these days.

In the uk that would make you very posh indeed.

Sounds pretty posh to me. Context is all: we were working class British.

Doesn’t sound posh or not posh to me. In the UK it would mean rich-but that’s not the same as posh. In other parts of the world, it’s largely a cultural difference, meaning that there are a lot of pretty poor people and not much expectation of privacy.

Having money to pay for help is not the same as being posh

Super posh to me. I'm from Scunthorpe.

I don't know anyone who grew up with a nanny, or a handyman. And to be honest, I know more people who 'were' cleaners than 'had' cleaners.

Yep having done several of those jobs, to a British person in the 21st century your family had to have some money for all that

Even for most countries that puts you at the top of the social structure

Not really.
Loads of non "posh" families have a nanny and a cleaner.
They generally don't live in though.

But you’re not British born or raised so no that doesn’t sound particularly “posh” to me. It’s all about the context, it depends completely in which country you were brought up. In countries with mass poverty staff are not unusual or well paid. I have Filipino friends who employ maids and other staff to take care of their parents and sometimes other family in the Phillipines. These girls are nurses, here working for the NHS, often living in rental housing but they can still send money home to employ labour who are incredibly cheap to hire in their own country. It’s all relative.

Genuinely not sure exactly you’re asking or why. It doesn’t sound posh, it sounds rich

It's always going to sound posh to Brits, because only the reasonably wealthy here have e.g. nannies and certainly only the very rich have the kind of homes where a handyman 'comes with it'. That's not the norm, so of course it's going to sound posh. Maybe it's not where you're from (although in any culture I know where paid help is more common it's still only the privileged and better-off families that have it) - but that's not going to translate for Brits.

To have a nanny and cleaner is pretty priveleged

The cultural difference means it doesn’t map exactly, but it sounds wealthy and privileged to someone from an average UK background. Nearly everyone in the UK will not have had three paid members of staff working for their family. Particularly not a handyman who “came with the house” which implies a full time type situation where he is at your beck and call. So I can see why your friend described it as “posh” meaning wealthy and privileged rather than aristocratic.

If you grew up in the UK, that amount of domestic help would imply that you grew up in a wealthy household. To my mind wealthy doesn't equate to "posh" but that's a whole other thread in itself!

However, I've had friends from very middle income families who have worked overseas in Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines etc where it is almost unheard of not to have a maid, childcare, gardener etc. They wouldn't be posh or wealthy, it is just a measure of how cheap domestic help is.

I have Filipino friends who have staff, but they're just normal working people and not at all posh.

In the UK, really only landed gentry would have staff that 'come with the house'.

Sounds rich. But I grew up in a country where this was not entirely unusual, particularly for the generation ahead of me. We had a cleaner 5 days a week who was also our nanny when we were small. And a part time gardener working 1-2 days a week.

Not posh, just privileged. Truly posh people wouldn't talk about the "help".

Posh is a very English concept really, it's hard to then apply to other countries and cultures. It's also quite a difficult one to define because while linked to money, it's very much also not as simple as more expensive = posh, things that are relatively speaking very cheap can also be referred to as 'posh', buying say shortbread in a tin rather than custard creams might be a 'posh' thing to do, but equally owning a 100 acre 20 bed mansion is 'posh' whereas a small ex council flat in central London isn't 'posh' even though the latter might be worth £1 million + (and the inhabitants of either the mansion or the flat may or may not be posh themselves regardless of their residence) - it's very confusing!

But yes if you were a British family, anytime since about the 60s really, having any household staff at all makes you a bit posh, and having 3 makes you really posh. Many middle class families do use childcare, cleaning and maintenance services, maybe all 3, without it being especially 'posh', but the model of directly employing them (rather than using more self-employed or pay for services model), and having live-in staff especially, has been only for the very posh (or at least those who have assets like big houses if not extremely cash-rich, asset ownership is posher than cash flow). However it's quite well known that the system and expectations are very different in other countries, so besides the fact I wouldn't ever really use the posh adjective in a non-British context anyway I think different standards have to apply!

Yeah the handyman is the least common of the setup (followed by the nanny), but the house did come with their own “quarters” and when he was too old to be a handyman we just kept him as the “doggy nanny” until he actually retired like 2 years ago.

When growing up, most of my friends did have a cleaner, I don’t remember anyone with an actual nanny, but I do remember two that had a live in gardener/handyman. So maybe the nanny one was the odd one! Some have chauffeurs, but we didn’t have one because my DM likes driving.

Yes I suppose so but it's also fairly normal these days in families where both parents work full time.
Although it's more likely to be sending to the child to a nursery plus having a cleaner.
I know "regular" families where the parents have fairly "ordinary" jobs that do that.

To me they were not help, they were family. My nanny in particular was who I consider my grandmother, not my parents’ mothers.

There are regular threads about people being insulted to be called posh which I don’t get at all. Brits often use it tongue in cheek but a lot of angst seems to ensue. It’s a very inoffensive word I find.

im quite happy to be called posh, what’s wrong with it, also happy to be thought of as middle class!

Really depends where you're from. DH grew up with live in "maids" - he was a million miles from posh. We had a full time maid and a live in security guard/groundskeeper when we lived there - still very far from posh.
If you're not from a culture where that is normal, it is very hard to wrap your head around.

So would they have done the things they did if they’d not been paid or provided with board and lodgings? That’s not to say people can’t form a bond when being paid to look after someone but they aren’t doing it for altruistic reasons.