To have never gelled with "Essex mums"

[aseryhg]

Me and my husband have lived in Essex for a while now and have always thought of moving away (possibly abroad). We were nearly able to sell our house but it fell through and our daughter started a very good state school here and seems settled but we always talk about moving as soon as we can.

Anyway, I find Essex mums difficult to get along with. The ones i've met through school mostly seem to be obsessed with appearances, labels (kitting their kids out in designer outfits etc), going on holidays in Dubai/UAE (which I find quite soulless and tacky) rather than cultural breaks, they're always eating out rather than cooking/enjoying home made meals.... etc etc they don't seem to have screen limits for their kids (their children all seem to be on tiktoks and posting videos on their tiktoks). It all seems foreign to me. In fact it can't be a coincidence that the few mum friends ive made friends with all aren't from Essex and grew up in different parts of the UK.

Aibu to feel right about not fitting in in Essex!

Buckinghamshire mums aren't (generally) quite so appearance-obsessed, no showy labels or tits 'n' teeth, but if you want to see bonkers behaviour, ask them who their 11+ tutor is.

It’s not the county, it’s the school.

I get this. Same happened to me( not Essex)

This was one of the reasons I didn’t want to go to those pre- birth classes. I don’t want to make friends with people with whom the only thing we have in common was we were going push a baby out at about the same time.

There is that sort of mum in every school . I Ben in small schools in rural Scotland , there is always a group of very “ weird “ to me mums who come across as narcissistic and only worry about appearances. You just need to find your own crowd .

Sometimes we need to adapt to fit in, OP

I don’t know who sounds worse- you or them! 😂 Both groups sound very pretentious in very different ways! You don’t need to be exactly the same as people to be friendly, make small talk etc. You don’t need to be their best friends for your kids to go on play dates. Just be warm, friendly, say hello, have a chit chat about the children/school. They might equally be judging you OP!

That’s a weird leap. I mean, no one forces you to make friends! In fact my NCT group just didn’t like one another, so we’d pretty much stopped meeting by the time the oldest babies were two months old. And I didn’t make friends at the Leicestershire school gate. It wasn’t a great fit socially for me, so I made my friends at work and among neighbours. No hard feelings in either case. Settings are just that. You’re not held at gunpoint to befriend people!

That’s Essex mums for you, with their homogenous hive mind.

Indeed!

Nothing like a sweeping generalisation about a whole area full of women

I lived in Essex for 3.5 years and it was the most miserable time of my life! I never gelled with any of the school mums so I can definitely relate to your experience. I also HATE going back to visit husband’s family as it just serves to remind me how out of place I feel there! I’ve also lived in the North West, South West and Midlands and never felt like that in any of these places.

Indeed. I notice OP reserves her contempt solely for the women.

And ignores posts from anyone who disagrees with her

@aseryhg you sound just as shallow as the women you feel superior to.

Signed Essex resident of 30 years, mother to two dc raised in Essex and someone Who doesn’t recognise your description at all.

Yea I feel you!

I live in Upminster, although I’m originally from abroad and lived mainly in central London before moving here about 10 years ago. I do think there’s definitely an element of what you’re describing, but I’ve also made some amazing school mum friends who are absolutely not like that.
There are some great running groups, volunteering groups and other local things where you can meet more like-minded people too. I think you might be surprised how many of us are around who really don’t care about all the showing off and keeping up appearances!

Thanks for this comment. Are you hall lane way? If you go into the town centre you see how prevalent it is. But I’m glad you haven’t just “slagged me off” like some other posters have so thank you 🤩

YANBU. They conform to a particular social convention: tackiness and vulgarity being the predominant features. (Not all working-class women from Essex are like this, of course). Those that fit the stereotype have made a conscious choice (and being thick helps) 😮‍💨

I find it quite funny so many posters are up in arms on behalf of Essex women. I seriously doubt most of them would give a toss that OP doesn’t find them cultural enough for her liking, they are too busy enjoying their lives and will find OP boring.

I’m from an Essex new town and then moved later as a child to prime TOWIE country, where I was until my 20s. I didn’t fit in (though tried to, as it was all I knew), and I wouldn’t live there now. I’m older than the OP as I’m in my 50s so was more the Sharon and Tracy era, and wore my fair share of white stilettos.

A lot of women in the London border / TOWIE bit are bold, brash, materialistic, and focused on aesthetics. It’s not for everyone to want to be able to fit in with that.

Yes and very brave. If I said that I’d be slated here but it is true and we can’t all be wrong for observing this!

Yes Hall lane way. I do understand what you’re saying , I actually thought the area was getting better with more outsiders coming in with a different views

@Bubblewrap100
”A lot of women in the London border / TOWIE bit are bold, brash, materialistic, and focused on aesthetics. It’s not for everyone to want to be able to fit in with that.”

yep that’s exactly how it is!!!!!

Makes sense as it’s very prevalent there! New money and chaviness and the excessive showing off. I actually thought it was getting worse!
also I don’t understand how some houses there have 4 or 5 cars in one drive and it’s a family of 4 with 2 kids!!!

@aseryhg

do you think you’re better than them, OP?

Probably in debt up their eyeballs all to keep up some weird appearance they feel validated with.

Exactly what I think!