To have never gelled with "Essex mums"

[aseryhg]

Me and my husband have lived in Essex for a while now and have always thought of moving away (possibly abroad). We were nearly able to sell our house but it fell through and our daughter started a very good state school here and seems settled but we always talk about moving as soon as we can.

Anyway, I find Essex mums difficult to get along with. The ones i've met through school mostly seem to be obsessed with appearances, labels (kitting their kids out in designer outfits etc), going on holidays in Dubai/UAE (which I find quite soulless and tacky) rather than cultural breaks, they're always eating out rather than cooking/enjoying home made meals.... etc etc they don't seem to have screen limits for their kids (their children all seem to be on tiktoks and posting videos on their tiktoks). It all seems foreign to me. In fact it can't be a coincidence that the few mum friends ive made friends with all aren't from Essex and grew up in different parts of the UK.

Aibu to feel right about not fitting in in Essex!

You say you don’t want to ‘disrupt your daughters education’ but she is going to grow up around this too and will be an Essex person herself?

Leave and don’t stay where you don’t belong or don’t like. Life is too short!!! Think about your daughter’s LIFE not just her education. You should leave. Go somewhere where you have something in common with people and don’t dislike them. Go and be happy.

Essex mums just as you said! All botox and talking about their new kitchens. I felt so different.

I want to a poah uni and all the posh kids ended up in Surrey, but by posh I mean white, right wing leaning very middle class all wearing the same clothes.
Where I am now feels a bit more mixed and cultured.

Wow. We must live in very different parts of Essex! Round here there are lots of listed houses, black Labradors, tennis clubs and outdoosy types. The countryside is absolutely beautiful, the pubs are amazing and serve great beer, our local villages have such a lovely community feel with lots of events and clubs, and there are great mainstream and quirky cultural events. People come from all different backgrounds- old money, City commuters, not much money, local business owners and tradespeople and I always get the feeling that the community is reasonably well integrated and it isn’t hard to find your type. I also have a huge soft spot for the Essex Mums you don’t seem to get on with. Yes, we might not have much in common but they have tended to be really kind.

I’m from rural Norfolk, DH is from Marylebone, and we’ve loved raising our family here.

I think being around these types of people brings you down as you feel like you don’t fit in and become even more isolated? You begin to question how you look, that you’re not put together enough, that you’re ugly, that there’s something wrong with you as you’re not like them?

Same area as you Upminster/Hornchurch.

I know people just like the stereotypes, people that outwardly look like the stereotypes but not really once you know them and people nothing like the stereotypes at all.

I have been here since a teen so I imagine it might be harder arriving as an adult as I can easily see walking in some places and thinking everyone ‘looks the same’. But my school mum friends/my kids friends parents are new people to me and we dont talk about the things you describe so there is a mix of personalities to be found!

@SnipSnipMrBurgess Im not from UK so have no vested interest.

I’m not British either but I went to university here and have lived here a long time since.

Your opening line sounds like to have no comprehension or understanding of the type of character OP is referring to. If you’re to make such statements you should probably educate yourself and research on the community and culture at topic first.

I think anyone who grew up here, such as yourself, will always be biased towards it. And maybe because you’re from here you just don’t see it.

Ok, if thats your opinion then I am certain that I won’t be changing it.

I was merely trying to offer reassurance that there are real people living in the area that don’t go out all made up all the time, don’t get fillers, chat about designer clothes and shopping all day long. Some hope that you may find your people, whoever they may be.

I see now that clearly that is not what you have started this thread for. Good luck to you.

Honestly I haven’t met any. The ones I made good friends with (and it could be a coincidence) are all from different parts of the UK.

I am Irish and went to uni in the UK as does one of my kids.

I am fully up to date on the Essex stereotype and how people from there are perceived. I am a child of the 80s and remember the stereotypes of the dumb essex blonde in the white stilettos being prevalent even then.

So I am fully aware of perceptions for many years, which had a resurgence with TOWIE.

I would say its interesting that this post os about Essex women and not men, but considering my post was reported as a "personal attack", I shall see this thread for what it is and go on with my day elsewhere.

It does go on a bit, this thread.

Educate me on the men as I don’t really interact with many dads. They all do seem to have the same look though, love their “boss” trainers nd garb. Some previous posters have mentioned that they tend to do what their wives say to keep them quiet/happy?

Buckinghamshire 😀

Ah makes sense. Enjoy x

Actually, I do remember one mum from here saying she was moving there as it’s a much nicer area.

“babes” ! Hahaha! That made me laugh.
Somebody (really lovely girl I should add) once called me “hunny” in a text message. That felt ever so funny.

Oh yes, everyone in the whole country of Essex is a philistine. You sound so enlightened!

"Yourself"? I'd expect better grammar from someone so superior!

I know, thanks for pointing it out x

@aseryhg I do think the stereotypes you are touting suggest you have a pretty limited experience of a diverse, vibrant county, and a pretty judgmental tone. I also moved here from elsewhere and have made great friends.

I have two daughters who are proud Essex girls. The youngest at one of the best performing grammar schools in the country, the other at Cambridge. They are, like very many of the Essex women I know, clever, funny and yes, know how to dress to impress when they go ‘out, out.’ I love how they absolutely own their Essex identity!

Haha! Me too. Though it's no longer fake nails and lashes, it's all about which 11+ tutor group you're sending your DC to!

Different sort of hell...

Are you seeking validation for being culturally superior to the other mums?
It’s all the same to me - fake lips and fake superiority and a bit shitty to come on here pulling other women to bits anonymously but on a public forum.

nice that you’re in a different part, maybe North Essex as others have pointed out?

Just saying what I observe about living here and other posters have also noted my observations.
And it’s not just the “fake eyelashes” or any physical attributes it’s the lack of decent conversation and bitching about others and their houses and how they look and who’s got a job and who’s not working and who’s having the catered party with the pony and the giant balloons that look like piles. I don’t care about stuff like that!