AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

Fine to take her for dinner but it seems you were there an extended period and she got really fussy, when in a restaurant you go outside when you’re baby is fussy. Sounds like she was louder than you thought.

I blame the restaurant. It doesn't sound like a particularly nice one as they allow dogs and have high chairs.

Sadly actual nice, quiet restaurants are almost impossible to find these days.

By the way, is your partner stressing about having brought a baby to a restaurant or is it only the mother who is responsible for that?

if I was the couple I’d be really pissed off at what you’ve described.

Also when you are in the baby and toddler stage your tolerance is really high as the noise is normal to you. If you don’t have kids or have older kids or adult ones it is not. So a young parents judgment that their offspring is “not much noise” is actually a right racket to those out of the baby / toddler zone.

What a bundle of joy you are!
You don't speak for all of us, thank goodness.

Maybe I am hard work! I asked a question and happy for people to respond and I’ve read them all - what is annoying me is people making up other scenarios or not answering my question and clearly not reading my post! Or telling me things I’ve stated are not true?

Facts:
My baby was invited by my friend - my group / table were happy to have her there
The restaurant were happy to have her there and provided a child friendly area
There was a kids menu that had no time specification on it
I was upstairs due to dogs downstairs (at the restaurants request/preference)
The couple were staring at me and my child, making me uncomfortable and complained
The restaurant was not ‘fancy’ - just an average, normal place
It was a Saturday night and there were other tables in different areas being loud / lively
I would have preferred someone to have my baby but we couldn’t that night
She was ‘well behaved’ (if that’s a thing for an 11 month old) but naturally, she made some noises and yes we struggled to get her to sleep (we naively thought it would be easier).

If people are saying “you are being unreasonable based on what you’ve said” that’s fine but I’m sick of people making up other scenarios or discussing things that weren’t what happened. I’ve had someone basically saying the couple could’ve gone through failed IVF or a recent miscarriage and my baby being there upset them? What a ridiculous comment and completely made up.

Your comment about them being entitled to have their meal there - absolutely fair! I just am fed up with all of the other made up BS from commenters on this thread and sick of people not actually even properly reading what I’ve written.

If you were constantly up and down and moving around and rocking the pram and shushing and waving toys and faffing about for the extended time it took to get baby to sleep, then I'd probably have also looked in your direction a few times. That's very disruptive.

I think it's pretty unreasonable to subject other diners to your baby. People don't go to restaurants, at night particularly, expecting to have to deal with babies. Older people - who in their time would have arranged a babysitter or stayed home with the baby if unable to find or afford one - would be flabbergasted. Just because the restaurant allows for it and provides aids for it doesn't mean the other patrons ought to be overjoyed at having their night out disturbed by a baby or a woman fussing over her baby. They're paying for an experience that is supposed to be restful and a bit of a treat. And your companions may have said they were fine with it, but nobody wants that on a night out.

The couple discussing you obviously had nothing interesting talk about. Babies bring joy in the place I live, thank goodness. Maybe you and either diners happy without knowing it.

In a fairly nice establishment I’d be highly irritated by anyone getting up and down endlessly at a neighbouring table Or fussing around with stuff. Baby or not.
We recent had the lovely experience of various people up and down to collect stuff from prams and standing in between our table and theirs while they jiggled an infant. You try eating and having a nice conversation while you have a succession of jiggly and swaying bums about 20 cm from your face.
Also I find that any parents’ ‘they made a few noises’ usually translates as ‘ear piercing squeals’ with no warning which is very jarring to a quiet conversation. Id find this equally annoying if it was a child or an adult to be honest.
Clearly you were trying but many people would find the movement and noise distracting and annoying sorry.

If the baby isn't crying, I couldn't get myself worked up over it. Even if it does have the odd cry, I also couldn't get worked up.

What I don't like is seeing kids running around restaurants or the like. There were some running around when we booked an airport lounge before our summer holiday a few months ago. Nobody stopped them. It's dangerous and very annoying.

Before going I didn’t think it would be an issue at all having a baby. After going it seemed to be an issue so I asked what I thought was an innocent question! The reason I am getting so annoyed is because people are either not reading my post properly, making up other scenarios or talking about different issues like my friends having an issue etc. You’ll notice anyone who has just said you are being unreasonable I haven’t cared!

Thanks though!

It slightly depends on what sort of place it was. But eating out isn't cheap and if I was going for a meal with my partner, expecting a calm, civilized atmosphere and conversation, I'd be really annoyed to have a crying baby, toys, pram etc next to us.

To answer your question: yes you were unreasonable to take your child.

I would have complained about you and asked to be moved.

Your recent lack of social life / lack of someone to look after her is not other people’s issue. Either you or your partner should have stayed home and one of you gone for dinner. Your child’s noise / fussiness is not as acceptable to others as it will be to you.

(that sounds very blunt but you’ve been so adamant about wanting people to answer your question and post nothing else so there you go).

3pm I'd be fine with it. 7pm I'd be less fine with it.

Also it depends what type of restaurant it was. A lovely intimate French bistro, I'd be pissed off. A local Wetherspoons, I'd be less fussed.

I'm all for kids being in restaurants and for learning how to behave. We used to take our toddlers out - who would sit, learn how to behave etc. But we always started with lunch service as it's more family friendly.

Incidentally, I'd also be pissed off if I was one of your friends too. And what do you do if you can't host people in your house and the chosen destination is not child friendly?
(A) Get a babysitter.
(B) If you have to have them with you as absolutely a last case scenario, you settle them outside the restaurant. In the cold if necessary.

It's not HARD to understand that someone spending a lot of money would not want that experience ruined by an 11 month old.

Completely fair enough. I would like to say we weren’t right next to them, they were 2 tables behind us so none of our things / personal space was in their area. There was nobody else around so we also weren’t in anyone’s space!

You’re so defensive! Deep down you know the answer here…..

I'd say YABU but I guess lots of others would tell me I'm being wrong and bad and a child hater.

The fact that it was an evening meal when usually an 11 month old would be asleep or going to bed is the point that sticks out to me.

At lunchtime/morning/early evening (ie around 5pm) I would have no problem with small children and babies in any restaurant.

In an evening (in the UK anyway) it is more usual to have adults only when eating out. And yes, I would have been pissed off if I had been in a small room upstairs with a restless baby.

Most people have had children, and most of the will not have taken an 11 month old to a restaurant in the evening, they, therefore, do not expect to see an 11 month old in a restaurant.
Many people struggle to get a sitter, or don't want to pay for one, if they all went to restaurants in the evening with their babies and toddlers is that an environment you would want to be in?

Also a lot of places will have a high chair because people take kids during the day.
Evening service, not so much

Babies might bring joy to you, but it's not the same for everyone. Babies crying set my teeth on edge and I like there to be some places that are baby- or children- or dog-free.

That would’ve annoyed me and I’d have asked to be moved. In the daytime, it might be expected, but in the evening - irritating.

Are you sure they looked at you disapprovingly? I once had this happen and asked if there was a problem and the woman blushed and said they were trying to guess how old it was and what a beautiful baby etc. So I totally misinterpreted their stares 😅.

By mistake I voted yabu because I first thought you were with that couple and that you hadn't mentioned bringing baby.

This thread made me wish I lived in Italy, where they wouldn’t just never bat an eyelid at a child in a restaurant at 7pm, but would actively welcome you in because children are part of society.

7pm, as far as I’m concerned, is still children’s eating time anyway. It is obviously a family restaurant as you were welcomed and given a high chair. It doesn’t sound like the baby was crying (at which point you feed them or take them out of course), or being especially disruptive. Maybe one of you could have taken the baby out in the pram to settle them just to make your life easier, but either way, that couple were very rude. Being from such an older generation they probably have the “seen and not heard” mentality.

I do think the U.K. is becoming more and more child unfriendly and it worries me. Our birth rate is plummeting. Some older people seem to want the next generation to fund their pensions but won’t tolerate having to see or hear them in public.

Friends weren’t pissed - baby was invited.
Not getting a sitter (stranger) to babysit my 11 month old child - don’t know a single person who does this where I’m from.
Family couldn’t babysit on this occasion.
Not a French Bistro, just a normal restaurant that sold hamburgers and chips etc.

Getting a lot of people saying take her outside - I have explained we didn’t because of the pram / stairs situation. We could’ve carried her but my baby wouldn’t have slept without the pram. In hindsight again maybe we could’ve just taken her down once, settled her outside and then brought her back but due to the stairs at the time I thought it would be more of an inconvenience! With how many people have said this next time if we ever do take her out I will do this (and to be honest I would always do this anyway but only didn’t because of the stairs) Thanks.