AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

Agree that it’s very common to see babies and young children out in restaurants late at night in other parts of Europe. But, I think op is in the UK, where it’s not?
Babies are of course part of society but I would be irritated to be seated near a loud, fussy baby on a Saturday night. That said, I’d just ask to move, which they could have done.

People in the UK are weird about babies/young kids in restaurants. I took mine to fancy restaurants in Paris where they were welcome, and to pizza express in Kent where other diners started huffing and puffing when we were seated near them.

Depends on the restaurant I think. I do also think that parents are unaware of how loud their baby actually is. You sort of get used to it. If you don’t have tiny children in your life then what a parent classes as a bit of fussing seems like a full blown tantrum to others.

Tbh, I might be boring and not European in my thinking but I wouldn't do it, not because of judgey people but because I'd feel my child would rather be home in bed where they've been the prior 11 months. And they clearly did as you struggled putting them to sleep, I know its hard missing out on night's out and social times, believe me I have a 3 Yr old and no family nearby so haven't had a night out with husband except one time for a wedding, but we take turns for the other to see friends otherwise and one stays with kiddo.

In general I don’t mind babies in restaurants. However reading your post there’s a bit of PFB coming across. You are at pains to insist she was “really good” and hardly made any noise but admit she took ages and a lot of effort to get to sleep. I imagine there was more noise than you’re willing to face up to here.

Definitely this in England. Daytime? Totally. It's expected. Not in the evening.

They wanted a relaxed, chilled adult evening. Not a lot of fuss and bother (regardless of noise levels) with a baby.

In some venues, this would be OK. Pizza place for example. Not a real restaurant.

It very much depends on the type of restaurant but I think the main issue was a small room with a table of 2 and a table of 6. It sounds like the couple (who probably wanted a quiet dinner) were overwhelmed by a far larger group with lots of disturbance. They should have asked to move table.

You can keep arguing OP, but the vote is currently 70/30 against you. One of you should have stayed at home with the baby. YABU.

Turning around every few mins to stare - that’s obsessing instead of just eating their dinner and chatting to each other.

It sounds as if, with only two tables in an upstairs space, there wasn’t much of an atmosphere and the focus was on the activity on your table and this might have irritated them.

and clearly as OP booked, and they provided equipment and booked her upstairs as she had a child, the restaurant had no such policy. Pubs yes, but restaurants don’t tend to have a no children after 8-9pm rule. Pretty sad state of affairs a young couple can’t eat out with their baby and catch up with friends without having someone turn around every few mins to stare. Why didn’t they just come over if they had a problem. No need for it.

I’ll be honest, it’s at the top of my annoyances when I go out a child-free evening meal to be seated near kids and babies. I find the noise almost intolerable – I realise it’s relative, but even if you think your baby was ‘being good’ or ‘mostly quiet’, she wasn’t to the other diners who don’t want to sit through dinner with the noise of a fussy baby.

At the end of the day, the restaurant allowed children and you can do what you like, but yes, I think to take your baby out for dinner at 7pm when you full well know it’s past her bedtime and you plan to get her to sleep in the restaurant is really unreasonable, and selfish to those around you.

I don't think it's inherently wrong to take a baby to a restaurant. But it really does depend on the restaurant, the time of day, what you're baby is like. In a busy lunch time restaurant where there are lots of families, a baby and a bit of grizzling is neither here nor there. In a fancier place in the evening with no young children present, the baby needs to be good as gold, happy eating and then happy sleeping, and whisk her straight out if there's any other noise.

Baby cries go right through you. They're different from most loud noise because we're tuned to be distressed by babies crying. So your "she hardly cried" makes me think that the couple probably had a bit of cause to be upset. But I also think there are plenty of people who are just annoyed by the idea of babies and young children. So they may have been hamming it up a bit.

Dunno, I think it depends on the restaurant. Pizza Express type of thing is fine. Pub that does food. All fine. Fancy restaurant, probably not for an evening meal, but OK for lunch. I guess we all have different parameters. It does sound like there was a lot of activity and as someone with sensory processing issues this would have bothered me if it was right next to where we were sitting as the noise and movement would have been very distracting for me. I did take my son out when he was very little as he just slept in his baby carrier on the floor or on a chair. But once they started to get to a year old, then no, I wouldn’t take them out for an evening meal. One of us would have stayed home if we couldn’t get a sitter.

Several points here for me.
I voted yabu.

You must know you’re unreasonable because you wouldn’t have posted here if you hadn’t had a shit night

A separate small area with only one other table meant it was pretty difficult for them to not be distracted by you and your child. If I was there, I would’ve asked to have been moved as it sounds massively annoying whether your child was screaming or not.

You sound like you’ve got a bit of an attitude

I have had small children and going out in the evening without them occasionally was a treat and the last thing I’d want not want to find another child in close proximity

it might be culturally more normal in other countries but still.

Don't sweat it. If I were your friend I would have wanted to see the baby too.

We are told frequently to “respect other cultures” well in England anyway in a decent restaurant after 7pm ish our “culture” is no high maintenance under 10s. New born asleep or sensible primary aged child sitting at the table fine. Otherwise no. I actually don’t think that’s unreasonable.

In truth all your replies make you seem like hard work.

They were entitled to have their meal look where they wanted and talk about what they wanted as much as you were entitled to have your baby there.

They didn't confront you and no one said anything to you so why is this causing you such an issue?

The other couple were dicks. If the baby was super loud for long periods fair enough, but other than that, no take out the baby too.
Unless you have a phone/tablet with cartoons playing with sound, then defo stay at home 🤣

I don't think you did anything wrong.
Nothing wrong with a baby in a restaurant. It's a shame the UK is so intolerant of children.

Regardless this was an 11 month baby not an overtired hyper 3 year old though? (which I think is the most difficult age but should still be tolerated)

Your "culture" results in a lot of isolated mothers and families.
.

The pram space being upstairs does suggest to me that it wasn't really a baby friendly environment. Even in Europe, babies are not taken anywhere and everywhere at any time, and they don't generally try and wrangle grumpy babys to sleep in nice restaurants.

If it’s a child friendly restaurant then YANBU at all! People have a choice to eat in dog or child friendly places, those businesses make that decision based on revenue. The other couple should have gone to an adult only restaurant.

It sounds like you did everything right.

The couple were probably pissed off because they were next to a group and not other couples.

We have a restaurant nearby that sounds similar with lots of little rooms. Last time DH and I went we were next to a table of 6 and couldn't hear ourselves so we only had one drink and mains and left.

You and your DD are getting this couples glares but I think they'd have been unhappy with no baby there too

Sorry but this reply is ridiculous 😂 the couple were about 70/80 so I don’t think she’d just had a miscarriage or IVF.

Im not paying a ‘sitter’ (stranger???) to look after my baby. Ideally family would have her but we haven’t got that option at the moment. I don’t know anybody who leaves their 11 month old with a stranger.

The rest of the comment is fair but I don’t get why people on this thread are obsessed with making up other scenarios. I specifically didn’t mention the couples age as I’m sure if I put they were an ‘older’ couple I would get comments saying how ageist I am!