AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

Hi op.

I have read your posts and when said you won't be taken her out again that made me sad. Please do. I think it's really important that kids learn what to do in a cafe/restaurant from a young age. And children are part of our community so apart from a few examples should be welcomed when eating out. Your friends were happy for little one to be there so that's all that matters!

I have been taken my DS out since he was born ( well 4 months or so) there have been times when he has got really riggly and a few meals when I've had to carry him out side and then swap with DP and we eat in shifts on our own ... But generally it's ok and I think it's taught him to be able to manage a busy restaurant environment. He is 3 now and I'm pretty confident taking him out most places for lunch or early evening meal. So please keep taking him!
The hardest age was about 15 months... It was hit or miss of wanted to eat anything and often just wanted to run around instead. So we tried to choose places that had out side space he could safely sit or play in ( without being disruptive) . Timing was also keen so if people are happy I often ask for an early meal or lunch time as makes is easier but can manage if not.
Please don't loose confidence ...it sounds like you did a great job of looking after him and socialising him and getting him used to a new environment.

The other people were just grumpy.
I think if you want a kid that behaves well I'm restaurants they need to so many skills and practice it's not suddenly going to happen over night at the age of 6 or 8 if they haven't been brought up doing it!

The restaurants around us often still have children in them at 7pm. I don’t think 7pm is very late.

If its such a childfriendly place, why did they send you upstairs with a pram?

Yes YWBU. A very small baby in a pram asleep or obviously a newborn is very different to a loud 11 month old who is playing with toys, being rocked and held and won’t go to sleep. Personally I would have tried not to let it bother me but it would have, and yes probably spoiled the evening. The noise but also the faffing and rocking. In your position once it became clear the baby wasn’t going to sleep one of us would have taken the baby for a walk (yes even if it meant carrying the pram down some stairs) or one of us would have taken the baby home.

By the way at this age a telescopic pushchair is much better to be out and about.

I’m not debating this point at all. It’s lovely to our friends offspring. Location is key point

Definitely were looking at me disapprovingly! I tried to smile a couple of times because at first I thought the same, maybe they are just looking at the baby. I was met with no smiles back just a disapproved face and then both of them staring at me most of the night, talking and then turning around to look at me etc!

No worries

I think it does really depend on the restaurant. Anything normally goes for lunch but I have found that the vibe does change after about 7.30 in nicer restaurants so places you could book with kids at 6 might not be appropriate at 8.

They allow dogs downstairs so like to keep dogs and children separate - their preference I couldn’t care less. The downstairs is also small (it was a restaurant that as mentioned in the description was unusual so it was spread over different floors and had different rooms), the room we were in was bigger and more room for a pram than the downstairs.

I was sympathetic to you reading your initial post, but not now. You sound really bloody annoying and argumentative to anyone has a different opinion to yours. Did you really expect to start a thread like this and expect everyone to agree with you? Btw I clicked on YANBU....but you have responded very unreasonably to many posters who have gently pointed out their opinion

It really doesn’t matter why you didn’t take her out, you should have done. You were clearly disturbing them and one does not expect to see babies in an evening in a nice restaurant and all your justifications for why you didn’t do it make no difference, they are just your reasons. You say she was being good, but that’s compared to how she could have behaved presumably, rather than a baby not being present, fussing etc.

I would have looked at you too in the hope you would have done the decent thing and taken her out as it’s not the staff’s fault and there was little they could have done about it, so I wouldn’t have wanted to make their life more difficult.

My all ,ens take her out, but do it in the daytime and to an appropriate venue and take her out if she is being fussy, I appreciate you’d have missed out on time with your friends, but that’s what happens when you have kids.

I don't think it's unreasonable for children to be in restaurants during the evening, unless they are specifically child free establishments. I do think it's unreasonable to disrupt other people by being up and down and rocking and shushing and pushing a pram for an extended period of time.

In light of all the old farts on here who haven’t thought about who will be looking after them when they’re old, and begrudge them social time with family and friends over a public meal, I think you need to find a restaurant that is pro-family. What a lot of misery on here. I really am shocked.

Small, quiet, dogs, sending prams upstairs... again, perhaps not as childfriendly as you think.
Properly childfriendly places don't have to separate children from the main dining area, and don't send prams upstairs.

Babies do bring joy of course but they do not bring joy to strangers in nice restaurants after 7pm when they want to chill out with their Merlot.

Also I would rather have 1 yr olds in a restaurant than dogs!!

Completely normal. We were out Saturday night and there was a baby in the restaurant - unsure of age as we couldn’t see but sounded under 1. Few little cries - doesn’t bother us as we know what it’s like as parents

Unless your baby is hysterically screaming, 99% of people won’t have an issue with normal baby noises.

It’s kids running around a restaurant that tends to get on people’s gills. We’ve nieces and nephews who behave like that and my in laws don’t say a word to them. DP and I hate when we are out for dinner with them - massively embarrassing as we find the entire restaurant tend to stare at our table.

OP, I do think you need to put your big girl pants on to a degree.

What I've learnt as a parent is that often occasionally my children will annoy people. Sometimes it's because their behaviour is objectively annoying, in which case I'll try to sort it out, but sometimes it's because other people have unrealistic expectations of what behaviour/people they're entitled to have around them in public. In other words, some people are annoyed by the mere presence of small children.

It's absolutely fine to take a small baby to a restaurant at 7pm imo. Personally, I also think it's fine to take well-behaved children and toddlers at that time too for a quick bite, though later (8pm, 9pm) not so much. And a baby making a few noises might be annoying for the other diners, but it's not something they're entitled to be annoyed about, because it's objectively unreasonable (like children running around or shouting), so they should keep their annoyance to themselves and be polite.

I get unreasonably annoyed by people who cough, splutter, wheeze, breathe loudly or walk very slowly. These things set me on edge. But I know they're not unreasonable behaviour so I have to suck it up, smile and stay silent. But there's something about parents with small children that makes other people feel entitled to judge or show obvious displeasure. Best just to ignore them.

So how about the OP focuses on her baby, and the strangers focus on their Merlot and STFU?

Whatever people's opinions on babies in restaurants, I cannot STAND people turning around and staring / grumbling without actually stating the issue.

If people have something to say, they need to just say it. This is one thing I hate about the British. That quiet disapproval. I always say "do you have a problem?" in this sort of situation. A guy took issue with me in a supermarket a few years ago, as I changed from self checkout to a manned till as I felt I had one too many items (I was trying to be thoughtful!) and he just kept glaring at me and shaking his head every few seconds.I'd dared to do a 180 and walk back past him, you see. Eventually I yelled "what is your issue, exactly??" and he shook his head, looked down, and stopped doing it.

Yeah, it sounds like the baby was better behaved than the adults at the next table.

In the kindest possible way, YABU, sorry.
I know how hard it is having small babies/children and needing to get out every now and again for your sanity 🙂
If I'd have gone out for the night though, and got my parents to babysit, the last thing I'd have wanted is to have a baby in the restaurant, even if they were "making normal baby noises" etc, and having to be soothed or taken out every now and again or whatever.
Not fun for everyone around you, and probably not fun for the baby either who won't get much out of being out that late and would probably rather be in bed.

I wouldn't be happy either if I was out for dinner and there was a small noisy child near me tbh

Remember going to somewhere with my husband and 18 month old and the couple next to us kept looking at each other pointedly.

I did think well if you don’t want to be near children, ask to sit somewhere else and dont go to a restaurant that has high chairs and a childrens menu.

Believe it or not I was asleep so have just read all of the lovely messages received overnight!

They did complain. I didn’t hear every word (busy, lively restaurant and all that) but she was looking in my direction, said the word ‘baby’ and then the man serving apologised and said he was sorry? Sorry that I didn’t listen or hear every word she said but I know that it was a complaint.

I’d much rather a crying baby than a whingy 3-8 year old or lairy adult. YANBU OP. Those type of people are often the same ones who think kids should be kept out of business/first class.