AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

I’ve thought that!

Yanbu, some people need go get a life

They sound rude, and when you eat out, you can’t dictate who else attends. Turning around constantly to stare is rude, and they’d have enjoyed their meal a lot more if they had just got on with their own business instead of staring and talking about you. Had it been young children running around, fair enough.

I think it’s fine to have a baby in a restaurant but not fine to try to put a baby to sleep in a restaurant.

sounds like you were fussing over her for a lot of time trying to get her to sleep and that would be annoying for other diners.

You said they were quite elderly so maybe generational, kids probably didn’t frequent restaurants in the evening when they were younger and I imagine they just didn’t expect to see a baby there at that time. Also if it wasn’t a “family friendly” type place, they probably expected some quiet at that time. I realise your baby was MOSTLY quiet but they’re never silent.

I meant op either can either insist on/ ask for more practical venue or can decline the invite otherwise.

I imagine that other poster was just referring to ensuring the baby gets a good amount of sleep.

I don’t understand why people think it’s fine to disrupt their baby’s sleep routine in a public place and also disturb other diners who have paid to have a nice dinner out. I would not have taken my baby out in the evening for 2 reasons - firstly it would disturb their bedtime routine and secondly I would prefer to be child free when eating out with friends for a catch up.
It sounds like you spent most of the time occupied with your baby as, predictably, she wouldn’t settle. Therefore you couldn’t have been giving your friends much of your attention. If you couldn’t get a sitter the solution would have been for your DH to stay at home and you go for a lovely relaxing meal with your friends.
I too would have been annoyed at the disturbance you caused with your baby. That doesn’t mean I believe babies shouldn’t be taken out at all.

Personally I think taking a baby out for a meal is fine but not over their bed time. It’s going to be a struggle unless they will cuddle to sleep and at 11 months that’s unlikely. I think you probably made it more stressful for yourselves than anything else.

Constantly having your meal disturbed by parents spending the evening up and down trying to settle a small child is also rude. For the OP to claim that the couple were ‘staring’ at her all the time, she must also have been staring at them!
In addition, taking a pram upstairs in a small restaurant is a fire hazard.

We holiday a lot in the mountains between Malaga and Granada in a very traditionally Spanish village. Last time we were there, we went to a restaurant on the last night. We arrived at 8 pm to an empty restaurant. At 9 pm, the families with babies and older adults arrived. At 10 pm, just as we were leaving, couples and families with school age DC were arriving and the families with babies were in the middle of their meal.

I agree that the typically British way of doing things with having babies/DC at home and in bed by 7 pm is not the norm across the world. OP YANBU.

I bet they were - just too polite to say anything. From what you’ve said it sounds like a done deal. You couldn’t get a sitter at the last minute so had no choice but to bring the baby. She wasn’t ‘invited’, you told them that you couldn’t go unless she came too. In that situation they were very polite and likely said ‘of course you must bring DD, it’ll be wonderful to see her’ but in reality they probably thought different.

Most restaurants ARE adult only environments in the evening!

You are massively overthinking this. Unless it was a tiny intimate couples bistro type place on valentines night then taking your baby or children is really not a problem. Neither is breastfeeding. The other couple are the ones with the problem. Unless you have kept quiet about having Peppa Pig blaring out on an ipad for the duration of the meal then you have done nothing wrong. If you were troubling the other people so much why didn't they just ask to be moved, the restaurant sounds huge with 2 floors.

You messed up here. One of you should have stayed at home the one closest to the friend went unencumbered.

You created a lose / lose scenario for everyone. Can’t have been enjoyable for either of you fussing about. You disrupted your own table whatever they said to be polite. You annoyed other customers. Lunch or early evening with a baby ok. After 7 a fretful baby in a nice restaurant - just no - sorry am with the couple.

We’ve all been through the baby stage as parents get a sitter or tag team. Lesson learned I guess. Did you notice any other babies in the restaurant? I bet not

And their evening was less enjoyable because they had to put up with disturbances from yiu and your DD. You can be annoyed at them and they can certainly be annoyed at you!

A fire hazard? How do you know where the pram was, and that it was in a walkway? The couple clearly made it worse for themselves by obsessing about it. It’s a real shame the attitude of people in this country, no-one would bat an eyelid elsewhere in Europe. Mine are grown up now but I can certainly remember how tough it can be when they are little.

Beyond fine. Utterly normal. Provided for by the restaurant- one of the advantages of younger children as opposed to older toddlers who tend to need to be in bed.

I’m not sure Spain is really comparable. Those restaurants are often outdoors with more space and their culture is set up for late nights for children especially in summer. Their routine is not to get up until 11am (at DDs Spanish exchange anyway). Very different to an indoor restaurant in the UK with babies likely up since 6am.

The pram was upstairs. What do you mean - obsessing about it? They were annoyed at being disturbed throughout their meal. That’s not ‘obsessing’.
And regarding the ‘rest of Europe’, we don’t live in the rest of Europe, we live in the UK. Many restaurants have a policy of no children after a certain time, both here and in the UK. In the US, a great many of them also have this policy. And that’s fine. There are some times and some places where children are not allowed. Do you think children should be allowed everywhere in public?

We have always taken our child out to restaurants basically from new born, so I have no issue with it as such but to do have to be a little considerate that certain venues, although family friendly, might not be suitable at certain times of day. Whilst I’m very much of the opinion children are humans and can fit in to the world I’m also aware it doesn’t revolve around my child and not everyone has to love it as much as I do. In your case one of you should have stayed home with baby.

Dont stop taking your baby out. It’s how they learn to behave in certain situations. Just be more selective about when and where.

It depends on the restaurant.

We have gone to some very nice 'adult' type restaurants and yes it's annoying to have paid for a babysitter to have a break from kids only to spend the evening listening to someone else's child.

You were fine OP and most of Europe wouldn't bat an eye at children being at a restaurant much later than this. We have a very anti children culture in the UK. As long as the baby wasn't screaming the restaurant down whilst being ignored I see absolutley no problem.

I cant believe the voting, you were definitely not unreasonable. The other couple could have asked to be moved to another table if they were that fussed.

We were there in winter (in term time so likely locals rather than holidaying) and ate inside, because it was winter in the mountains, so cold.

In Europe it’s completely normal to see babies and children in restaurants in the evening even high end ones. I don’t know why in England we have such an issue with it and expect parents to only go to pizza express or Nando’s. Forget about them they sound miserable - you did nothing wrong