AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

YANBU

babies are as much part of life and society as anyone else and provided the restaurant wasn’t child free she has as much right to be there as anyone else. If the moany couple expect a child free environment they should go to a child free restaurant.

We Always take our children with us. All my family has. Restaurants, shopping, library, weddings…. How else will they know how to behave? It’s completely normal and so is eating together at dinner time with no screens. Ignore the couple and next time offer them a choice phrase or two

Also possible they were staring and disapproving because OP was breastfeeding. She said they were a much older couple and some people of that age still think it’s shameful and rude to bf in public.

If a group of woman in group called mumsnet cannot tolerate a baby being out at a restaurant, what hope do we have for the rest of society? Is a mother supposed to quarantine for the rest of her life because she has little children???
dear poster, YANBU. Although I think you were being too self conscious. Next time, ignore any negativity and focus of your friends and baby.

@Pedant61 just no sorry to be blunt but no.
Our kids since birth have been taken out to restaurants and do you know what it does it teaches them to be around adults,noisey enviroments to sit and eat and talk when its appropriate and not talk when other conversations are going on it teaches table manners.
What it also means is i have never had to provide anything more than a colouring book and pencils for entertainment they have never run around apart from when babies and getting fussy for a feed never made noise thats woukd turn eyes now 15 /16 they are polite young people have respect for elders and servers and say please /thankyou / have a good evening that is what it is about. Youll easily complain if a parent takes a kid and they are running around on a tablet talking too loud but by your reckoning they should never be allowed so how will they learn?

@MarLiz2026 keep going with her get her aclimitised you will get idiots who stare and whisper because they are selfish adults who dont recognising teaching and aclimitising is vital youll also get some parents that may send sympatheticlooks if she is being fussy or you may get some if sat near by who may even converse with her embrace it all and be you.
If adults only want adults they need to find an establishment that bans kids and that is their choice but dont let it put you offx

Don’t be silly, lunchtime, early evening fine!

Bedtime and fractious baby, not done!

And mothers enjoy adult only time, don’t they?

You said your kid was loud at times
When I go to a restaurant I want to be with adults in an adult environment and spend a lot of money I do not want to hear some screaming gurgling baby
If I had been there you would have been given a blast by me
Just totally unacceptable

Depends what kind of restaurant it is. Personally I wouldn’t want to be seated next to a baby being rocked, bounced and soothed when I am out for a meal with my husband at night

let’s say this couple paid someone to watch their children so they can enjoy a quiet evening out, just to end up with a fussy baby next table. Won’t be great for them.

its past 7 - I wouldn’t think there will be babies in the restaurant really, and if they were I would be annoyed if they had their bed time routine in the middle of my meal.

you may think baby was good but everything you described does make noise and is distracting for people trying to have a meal in the evening … moving the baby between you, chair and pram, pushing the baby in the pram etc. I guess if the baby was asleep during the whole thing and just needed milk at some point, no one would have noticed, but that wasn’t the case.

if the space was tiny as well and was on the second floor - I would even less expect a baby in a pram on the second floor!

If you have adults catching up who haven’t seen each other in a while then it seems strange and insensitive to bring an under one year old along to the gathering.
The whole dynamic changes when a baby is present and the evening will inevitably revolve around the child who is always going to be fractious at that time of the evening.
If I was your friends I’d be a bit cheesed off if you brought your baby with you.
I can’t imagine a situation where I would have taken a 1 year old to a restaurant at that time of night.

I would look into hiring a babysitter next time if I had an almost one year old. How would the OP feel if a baby was in a restaurant at a place she was meeting up with friends and it led to a disruption.I don't think you have considered others who were there wanting a child free meal.

YANBU - YANBU at all. It's life. People who complain are quite sad and need to get over it.

Well I can't know what they were actually thinking. But yes, if they are spending their evening giving OP dirty looks for daring to be out with her baby rather than enjoying each others company then I'm pretty confident in my assumption.
Particularly if OP is being honest that the baby wasn't being disruptive.

No it’s just posters making dumb shit up that the OP has clearly stated didn’t happen to suit their own narrative.

while I agree with this in some contexts eg my choices where to go, what to wear, what to think, are my choices and I am not worried about what people think, in this context it is selfish. In shared spaces we all need to recognise the impact on other people or it is simply entitled and rude.

I suspect they thought the type of restaurant they were at would be. It was not busy. They were upstairs. I doubt they imagined for a moment someone would have actually lugged a pram up the stairs. When the restaurants seemed to be empty. When they didn’t mind sitting downstairs ( the people with the baby).
Because of the potential loads of dogs might come in during the evening.
Never been to such a place. I do wonder where on earth it is. It sounds a bit mad.

As the phrase goes they are entitled to a child free life not a child free world.
In my personal experience I’ve found the behaviour of other adults tends to be much more disruptive than the behaviour of children.

I think whichever of us was the bestfriend of the man would have gone and the other stayed at home with baby

You did absolutely nothing wrong and don't be put off by doing it again. You have every right to take your baby to a restaurant that is what high chairs are for. Tbh I've always seen babies in restaurants and I've never known anyone to complain. I think their behaviour is unusual. So your parents now you can't go out for dinner with your baby, honestly some people. Please don't be put off it sounds like you had a lovely evening with your friends.

💯

Wouldn’t be bothered if it’s a chain/pub restaurant, or a cheap and cheerful local Italian place, but not somewhere more sophisticated where I’d want an adult ambience.

I don't think some people are understanding her original post. They keep going on a bout her friends but her friends invited the baby because wanted to see the baby. Her friends were fine it was another table acting weird. It's really not a hard post to understand... its frustrating

In which case you need to go to an adult only restaurant It's up to you to do the research to go to a place to suit your needs.

Most restaurants are public business open to everyone including babies and children. A few will cater for adults only, it's up to you to find them.

Sorry OP, there are some people out there who just hate children and are offended by their presence. I've had similar responses on public transport, it hurts and is awkward but it's their issue not yours. Some people are just miserable

If the couple next to you were so disapproving it suggests that your baby was louder/more disruptive than you realise. Obviously you are used to the sudden loud noises she makes, they are not.

We stuck to Pizza Express at that age if we had to take DC out as it seemed to be full of children / babies and no one batted an eyelid. I would not have taken them to a smarter more intimate restaurant as it would have been stressful for everyone concerned.