AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

Twts be twating whatever you do. You were invited, yes ok , she was noisy , perhaps just go for a short while next time. Amd leave when she starts getting fussy .

Yes. Have you had children?

I think they wanted to be upstairs to not be around the dogs she said were downstairs.

Yes, 3!

So they were disturbed and decided to stay and keep being disturbed instead of simply asking to move to another table. Just so they could enjoy stewing in their “victimhood.”

It was a "small, quaint" restaurant. The couple complained to the staff. Presumably there was nowhere to move to to escape the baby and its fussing parents.

Then surely you know that with the first child there are still many things you have not yet covered as a parent. They won't be the same for every child, but many firsts at 11 months old still to come would be first time in a plane, first Christmas, first birthday (obviously!), first steps, first time walking in the park, first autumn walk, first time swimming, first swing, first petting zoo, first day in childcare, first trip to the beach and, for op, first visit to a restaurant. And even if they have done these things, it is all still pretty new and mums are learning the best ways to handle them and possible pitfalls.

I work in hospitality. I’m fine with the babies / children present personally, but I also understand when customers get upset that they’re paying £££ to eat at a nice place, yet have a fussing child sat near them. It’s also important to remember that people have their own stuff going on. Maybe they wanted a night off from kids, maybe they can’t have children and desperately want to (and therefore avoid family settings) etc.

I completely understand both sides, but often a crying baby disturbs 10+ diners, whereas parents stepping outside or rearranging the date only inconveniences 2 people.

either way, grace needs to be given to both parties. I can’t imagine you had the best time juggling a baby and dinner, and I don’t think the couple looking at you had the best time either. No one wins

Maybe they wanted a night off from kids, maybe they can’t have children and desperately want to (and therefore avoid family settings) etc.

The couple in question were 70+ in OP's estimate - which would suggest they are of the generation who would never have dreamt of bringing a baby on a night out to a restaurant, and were rightfully upset at their night out being disturbed.

I have always taken my children out as infants for evening meals with friends as like you did not happen that often as I was working full time and the breadwinner. I had kind friends and breast feeding really helped in these situations. You sound like a caring person and you deserve to have evening meals with friends. YANU at all.

It's restaurant policy to allow babies or not. It's not up to other diners. They can go elsewhere if they don't like it.

'A baby is not a disturbance'? They definitely are!

You’re not, you’re getting snippy at people that don’t agree with you.

What every parent needs to recognise is that other people do not feel the unconditional love for your child that you do.
having said that, a baby at another table wouldn’t bother me at all ( I usually try to play peepo…)

That couple are just the type of people that are chronically dissatisfied. If it wasn't you it would be the food, the staff, the room, the parking...it has to be something.
As long as your kid wasn't getting in the way it screaming it's head off you're fine.
Don't stress about it.

I don't think either parties were being unreasonable tbh. The annoyed couple could have had 11 months triplets who were being babysat for the first time and this was their only chance for baby free time... You never know!
Also you're not being unreasonable to take your baby out to a child friendly restaurant for dinner, you never know which way these things are going to go until you get there!

I suspect they thought your baby should have been home in bed
Or they were trying to have a nice meal and you fussing over the baby was distracting if there were only you and them in the restaurant
I think you were just unlucky that it was only you guys in the restaurant, just put it behind you.

Likewise.

I live in a big city in the UK and always took my three out everywhere when little, without an issue. I live in an Eastern Mediterranean neighbourhood, with lots of restaurants, and families with children are out all evening. Also used to live elsewhere in Europe and it was the norm for families to take children out with them and they were doted on.

I wonder if in England it’s the hangover of Victorian (and drinking) culture, where women weren’t welcomed in pubs and people believed children were born evil and should be ‘seen but not heard’. I find it rather sad people view them as a nuisance and (presumably) believe they should be confined to home. Babies are delightful.

Op, how would you have felt if the table next to you was a rowdy bunch of laughing adults, disturbing your baby and making it difficult to get her to sleep?

Would you have been upset? Or accept it’s part of being at a restaurant even though it made it hard for you?

We can just simplify things and say that any responses that side with the couple are not nice people, and any responses that don't are. It really is as simple as that.

Yes for me it's not an argument about whether babies or children should be in restaurants or not, but rather, why would we even ask the question?

Don't get me wrong there are places that are obviously not intended for children, bars, clubs, extremely fancy restaurants (especially of an evening) or anywhere that says adults only! Everywhere else is fair game!

The only thing I will say is that because culturally children are expected to partake in society from a young age, they are better behaved. People are more tolerant, but children are also much better behaved. I think people don't actually realise what a hole we're in with behaviour in the UK - adults and children alike tbh! So I can see why people get fed up.

I can sort of see both sides, perhaps they were on their first night out without their baby and didn’t want to be around kids. I might have not been delighted about it but I certainly would have realised it’s your right to do it. Presumably your friends knew you were bringing your dc - that’s what I’d be more concerned about as it can change the vibe of a get together

Of course yanbu.

We all have to share the world with each other, and that includes people of all ages including babies. Unless they are literally rioting about.

I was in a posh restaurant a few weeks ago and there was some bloke with such a loud voice that everyone could hear everything he said. But I suppose he’s an adult and male so has the right. And the noisiest people in restaurants are groups of drunk adults, not babies.

I wonder how many of the people saying it isn’t ok to take a baby to a restaurant think it is ok to take their dogs?

I am all for humans of all ages socialising together but don’t want people’s “fur babies” stinking and barking, brushing up against me and sniffing my crotch.

It's amazing how much you know about the other couple from just reading the OP's comment.